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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 09/04/2019 07:59

In a way it doesn’t matter what your dad thinks, just that he’s warned about an impending miscarriage. Smile
What a sad situation for everyone.

pejorativelyspeaking · 09/04/2019 08:06

I just want to say that in this awful situation the way you are handling it at a family is wonderful, you sister much be so strong to be able to have so much compassion after losing her daughter, amazing woman x and I say this as a mother who lost her daughter also x

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 08:06

She’d only got to 18wks? Perfectly possible not for a partner to know @18wks**

I thought the same tbh and she might not have wanted to disclose details to your mum about how she got pregnant so said the GP to be vague.

Personally I would step right back and wait and see, I agree with a PP that 'outing' an ill person might not be the best thing to do IF she is ill.

Laiste · 09/04/2019 08:13

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen - there is a chance it's true that she's pregnant. I just re read the OP and

I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know. Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’.

could read either way i guess. No scan picture and all appointments alone though? ..... hmmm ...... why?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 08:18

could read either way i guess. No scan picture and all appointments alone though? ..... hmmm ...... why?

Because GF didn't want children?

She couldn't 'catagorically' confirm she wasn't pregnant,plenty of women hide pregnancies from their partners.

headinhands · 09/04/2019 08:21

I don't think 'confront' is the right way to go. I'd be very concerned if my dsis was faking a pregnancy. If I wanted a conversation with her confronting wouldn't be the way to go. You said you feel 'something darker'. I'm picking up that there's some sort of dynamic in the family? Your dsis is the black sheep and is treated accordingly?

Laiste · 09/04/2019 08:22

Yes. If the partner were a man i wonder if more posters would be inclined to think A is just hiding her pregnancy?

Laiste · 09/04/2019 08:23

Sorry that was to DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen

Mummyoftwo91 · 09/04/2019 08:25

No advice here but just want to say how lovely b seems and sending her lots of love, showing kindness after what she's been through is amazing

BlueSkiesLies · 09/04/2019 08:26

Total nut job. Not sure how you can remain in contact with someone so dangerously u hinged when they are so cruel.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 08:28

Total nut job. Not sure how you can remain in contact with someone so dangerously u hinged when they are so cruel

Dangerous?

PirateWeasel · 09/04/2019 08:32

I agree with @blackcat86 - don't let B be sidelined by your parents through all this. Sounds to me like that's exactly what A wants.

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 08:40

Not much to add other than sorry for B's loss. What an awful situation. I'd be beyond angry OP but you all seem to be handling it as well as you can. Thanks

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 08:40

Just to add a further complication to this clusterfuck, my period is super late, there’s a chance I’m pregnant and I’ve been keeping it from B until this morning. I was worried someone would advance search me and find my post on the conception board then mention it on this thread so I had to bring her up to speed.

I’ve been getting BFN’s though so I don’t think I am pregnant, but I think she’d be upset I hadn’t told her before she found out there’s a possibility.

Being B, she’s been lovely about it and we had a little cry together over the phone and I explained why I hadn’t told her etc.

From the way the GF reacted, I’m certain A isn’t pregnant. We had a chat at the event for a few minutes and from what GF was saying and her reaction it’s definitely not true. It’s technically possible that A has cheated with a bloke and got herself pregnant and is concealing the pregnancy from GF, but then why would she tell us?

OP posts:
BirdieInTheHand · 09/04/2019 08:43

What a very sad situation. I have lost a baby to stillbirth and it's such a devastatingly cruel loss.

I also have sisters whom I adore and whilst it's impossible to imagine them behaving so badly I like to imagine if they did that I would try and understand what's going on.

Your sister must be in a very bad place to make this up but as soon as possible I would nip it in the bud.

I suspect you will have to lead with "you've never been pregnant have you?" Because asking her "are you pregnant" will invariably illicit the response "I was, but I lost the baby last week".

Lemonsquinky · 09/04/2019 08:44

BlueSkiesLies, that was really rude. 'A' might be mentally ill. You wouldn't write the same about someone ill with cancer would you? Being mentally ill is still someone who is ill. She must be to behave like this.

pessimisticstateofperception · 09/04/2019 08:50

Once again, she might just be an attention seeking cunt.

Not every awful thing a person does needs a diagnosis, sometimes people are just selfish knobs.

Laiste · 09/04/2019 08:54

I think it's a very big ask to expect those baring the brunt of her actions (sister B) to reflect on possible mental illness rather than jumping to 'selfish knob', tbh.

headinhands · 09/04/2019 08:57

I know selfish people. But there's a massive difference between being selfish and fabricating a pregnancy.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 09:00

See, I’m inclined to think she’s not ill because doing things for a reaction is normal for her. she thrives on drama, always has. nothing can ever be just 'ok' for her, it has to be either the best thing thats ever happened or the end of the world.

She’s the youngest (22) and she’s immature for her age plus she’s always been a bit spiteful. When I went to Uni (just before the fees changed) she screamed and cried that she’d never be able to afford to go because the fees went up to £9k a year Confused and how it wasn’t fair. When B got married, A caused all kinds of problems in the run up to the wedding over bridesmaids dresses etc and ended up wearing something totally different from the rest of us.

She’s always been a bit of a nightmare.

OP posts:
exWifebeginsat40 · 09/04/2019 09:01

i have borderline personality disorder, and i have never faked a pregnancy for attention.

stop diagnosing people you don’t know with conditions you know nothing about,

condolences to your sister B, OP, on her loss.

PepsiLola · 09/04/2019 09:06

I would have an unannounced visit, maybe your mum and sister?

I know your mum is going this week anyway but could your sister tag along?

I think it says a lot about your sister that your parents and sister suspected it!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 09:07

Tbh it all sounds a bit dramatic,I think you should all take a deep breath and step back.

outpinked · 09/04/2019 09:09

A is mentally ill, it’s the only logical explanation.

Feel so dreadfully sorry for B Sad. Alarm bells started ringing as soon as I read she announced the pregnancy two weeks after B’s baby died and she was only six weeks pregnant at the time! Who would do that?!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 09:10

A is mentally ill, it’s the only logical explanation

No it isn't and you can't possibly know.

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