My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

I think the reason for your different reactions is that you feel protective of B.

It sounds like you know exactly what has happened. It also sounds like your parents need to be kept in the loop before things get even more out of hand. You don't want to be blamed for a fake miscarriage. The call can be factual and say that you are waiting to find out more. As B feels calmer, she should do it and she should say that she would like y our parents not to ask A about it until she has had time to talk to A herself and find out what the motivation was.

A is going to have to confront her own lies, jealousy and self-centredness. It is not going to be easy for her. She is likely to lash out against all of you, even if you take B's approach. You probably can't do this without her girlfriend being completely in the loop.

A needs counselling. This really isn't normal behaviour. She will have to want help for it to happen, but maybe the attention she will get from it and the corresponding family support will be an incentive. You will feel resentful of this at the moment, but it might be the only way to an amicable future.

This is so messed up

I’m so sorry for the loss of Matilda. I hope your sisters, both of them, are okay. But I do think this is unforgivable.

Sounds like she was going to fake a stillborn/miscarriage to take Bs attention or force a closer bond or something. Sounds nuts though...

Definitely tell your parents and take that away from her ...

What a vile thing to do.. I completely can’t comprehend

My friend's wife did this when her sister was pregnant and her baby passed away after being born somewhere around the 26 week mark.

Suddenly his wife was pregnant. Then pregnant with twins. Which she then miscarried, while on holiday, in the ocean in the evening after her husband had gone to sleep She wouldn't seek medical attention either as she didn't trust foreign doctors, just carried on her holiday posing happily in all the pictures. Although they eventually divorced, he fully believes that she was pregnant with twins even though she went to every "appointment" alone and had no scan pictures or bump. Her sister figured out the truth and hadn't spoken to her in years when my friend divorced his wife.

I'm not sure it's mental illness or malice or a need to be the center of attention and pity but something goes wrong with these people. I hope your parents aren't devastated.

Why would you want to top trump this ? No one wants to be In This position willingly ?

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your niece.

If you sister is faking a pregnancy then at some point there will be a fake loss. As someone who has lost a child in later pregnancy this is something that I feel quite strongly about and i would not be able to forgive.

This is unforgiveable. Your poor sister. To do this at a time that B and her family are suffering so much is so sickeningly self absorbed. A is utter trash.

I think the worst thing that you could do right now is to be supportive of her and try and get her help. She has done this for attention. She clearly lacks empathy or she wouldn't have done it at such a sensitive time. If you give her an "out" for such behaviour it condones it and it also gives her lots of attention - exactly what she craves. So then everytime someone in the family has a tragedy to deal with she will do something like this to be the centre of attention. If you condone this behaviour now you will make it worse.

Woah. I thought my sister was the only one who pulled crazy ass stunts like this.

I dont engage = quiet life.

Wow. Your poor sister. Very fucked up.

I agree with the poster who said that A will know she's been rumbled by now. The girlfriend wild have gone straight home and asked WTF surely?! and split up if she's got any sense
A is clearly deluded and not rational. How could anyone ever hope to follow this through at all? It just doesn't make sense.
I wouldnt be able to trust A ever again regardless of whether I could bring myself to forgive her unlikely.
Flowers for B.
Good luck.

Wow. Yeah.

Is there any chance at all that she may have got pregnant behind her GF’s back with the aim of “surprising” her into parenthood? That in itself would be fucked up, of course, but not quite as fucked up as faking a pregnancy. There are documented cases of women hiding pregnancies from their partners - I don’t suppose the case of Keli Lane is all that well known in the UK?

As for the sister, she needs to be asked, point blank, if she’s pregnant. I don’t suppose you could ask the GF what information she was able to glean from your sister?

Hi everyone just an update.

We called my parents last night and told them and it’s split opinion.

My mum thinks she’s faked the pregnancy and has suspected for a while because apparently they’ve met up a couple of times since and after gentle questioning, A hasn’t had answers for some pretty fundamental stuff. Things like scan picture, when they decided to conceive etc. She also asked about the sperm donor and how they’d gone about acquiring it and all A said was ‘through the GP’

Fairly sure you can’t rock up to a GP’s and demand sperm like they keep a stock of it in the fridge

Anyway, Mum is with us but my Dad wants to ‘wait and see’. He has always hated confrontation and although he doesn’t think he believes that she’s pregnant, he doesn’t want to confront her and thinks this has to end at some point so he’s wanting to wait it out.

We’ve explained we think she’s going to announce a miscarriage but he says if she does then he’ll offer her the support either way because whether it’s fake or not, she needs them.

Mum is going to try and go and see her this week and ‘straighten things out’ and had been planning to visit anyway. A won’t know Mum suspects anything so she’s the one most likely to get an answer out of her.

It’s such a mess

At least your mum is onside. This must be a nightmare for her.

I think you're mum's plan is a good one. My only concern is that everyone is now talking about A and there was no discussion about additional support for B. A has gotten her own way then hasn't she. Either way your dad wants to make her the star. I would really encourage your parents to focus the support on B although I appreciate A will mostly certainly need a trip to the GP.

What a mess. Your family, other than the batshit sister sound lovely.Please passona cyber hug to B.

Get mum to arrive with a pregnancy test, you can get them from the £ shop.

Jumping on this thread just now as I'm in a same sex relationship and we've conceived with donor sperm. It definitely isn't as simple as just showing up at the GP. If anything, the GP was fairly clueless and referred us to a fertility clinic. Then came months (and I meant more than half a year) of tests and checks before we were even told what options would be given to us.
Depending on where abouts in the country you are, they also don't have any donor sperm through the NHS, so you have to buy it through a sperm clinic, which costs a lot of money.
It sounds like she's made the whole thing up, which is absolutely dreadful, especially considering what your other sister went through.
Whatever is going on in her life, she definitely needs some kind of support. Good on your sister saying she's ready to forgive. I think I'd be more inclined to go with your gut instinct.
Hope you manage to straighten it all out and get some answers.

OP i imagine my dear dad (passed away now) would have been like yours and wanted to ''wait and see''. He doesn't want to face the idea of one of his little girls being so cruel/messed up and causing hurt to one of the others :(

Mum's more pragmatic.

for B.

In B's mind her loss is forever now going to be linked to A's awful actions at this time. How unforgivable and bloody unkind of A to intrude upon and disrupt B and her partner's grieving like this.

I know there's a right way to handle this but if A were my sister i'd want to go round and kick her arse into next week!

Having RTFT I am a little relieved for your DM that she was suspicious. As it would be awful for her to have the shock that one of her DDs was lying intentionally or is suffering from MH issues.

No advice but to you all

That’s good that you’re all on side and seeing through her. When she inevitably announces it’s over you can all just be like ‘oh that’s a shame. We thought that might happen’ and she won’t get the attention she’s after. Terrible idea I know and I probably wouldn’t react so ‘heartlessly’ in real life (despite how despicable and heartless your sister is) but I’d be tempted!

Surely she'll Lose her partner now too?? What the hell is she thinking.