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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
Cheby · 10/04/2019 12:16

The family's main concern now should be for your sister A's mental health.

I completely disagree with this. The family’s main concern should be supporting B. Direct A toward appropriate MH services. But she absolutely should not be the main focus after her abhorrent behaviour.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 10/04/2019 12:46

Lol at 5 siblings being unbelievable Grin

OP posts:
WhatALearningCurve · 10/04/2019 13:26

One of 6 kids over here! Similar age gaps to @Norrisskipjack as well!

ADayAlwaysHasToEnd · 10/04/2019 13:39

I have 8 siblings 🤔 so I find it hilarious that 5 is not realistic 😂😂

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 10/04/2019 14:03

I am one of 6 (all born in the 80's/90's) to the same parents . One of my best friends is one of 7!

TheNavigator · 10/04/2019 14:08

The family's main concern now should be for your sister A's mental health

No No No! A wants to be the centre of the family's attention - and look! It works! So many posters seem to have forgotten there is a bereaved mother here who has recently lost her baby. Hell, there are 2 bereaved parents - they should both be the family's main concern - dads grieve too, you know.

Do not give A the oxygen of attention, it is just rewarding her hideously selfish behaviour.

adulthumanwolf · 10/04/2019 14:18

Surely by giving her attention for her lie, which was the whole point of it, validated her behaviour and shows her that this is how to get what she wants.

highstresslevels · 10/04/2019 14:18

I had a friend who, when I told her I was pregnant, a few weeks later told everyone she was also pregnant. A few weeks after that, she announced she had miscarried. She would have been about 9 weeks at this point. She then told me she had miscarried as the umbilical cord had been wrapped round the baby's neck. Obviously quoting something she had read/seen on TV. Absolutely vile thing to lie about. Anyway, this was 14 years ago. I didn't pull her up on it but distanced myself. She has lied about numerous things over the years. She told someone her dad had died, and when the person saw her brother and offered their condolences, it turned out to be another lie.
It is a warped attention seeking thing with her, coupled with low IQ- she says one thing to someone, not seeming to realise that people remember things and lies catch up with you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2019 14:25

I agree that ignoring it is the best way to go. Dont ask about the invisible baby/pregnancy, ignore anything she says about it and just pretend she never said a thing.

The only way she will stop these tricks is when she doesnt get the attention she craves.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. I would advise everyone in the family to do that.

SchoolOfLife2 · 10/04/2019 15:11

I simply don’t understand how someone could lie like this, not just morally.. but the technicality.. it requires some special kind of stupidity to assume people would fall for such a badly designed lie

Giddyuppp · 10/04/2019 15:16

I would also ignore my lying sister. She does all this for attention so I'm going to treat her like a child and ignore her fucking awful bad behaviour.

Treaclesweet · 10/04/2019 15:20

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namechangedasscared · 10/04/2019 16:23

I’m sorry your family, and in particular your sister, B, has gone through this.

I too can say there’s no way that she has just had a miscarriage with her story. I lost twins at 12 weeks - but they’d died at around 6 weeks. When my miscarriage started, I very suddenly lost a LOT of blood, Hugs clots too. And started having agonising contractions. My dad came and collected our DS1 and after speaking to the midwife, DH rushed me to A&E. I don’t remember much from the journey other than the pain. Then in the waiting room I remember the blood and one man being really kind to me and checking the men’s toilets were empty for me to go and use it as the women’s was in use. Then I remember being taken through and eventually getting painkillers followed by gas & air then just lying there for hours sobbing and sobbing. I was kept in overnight and scanned the next day. They did let me go home to finish the mc (which took 3 weeks) but that was only because of how early on the babies had actually died, the bleeding had stabilised and I was terrified of having the D&C! What your sister described just isn’t feasible. There’s no way she’d have been to the hospital, seen & discharged that quickly- especially after allegedly passed out from blood loss!

I can’t even begin to imagine what went through your sisters head when she started this whole lie - but don’t entertain her. Unless she comes to you and says she’s sorry and wants to get help because she thinks that she has an underlying issue (she may not have of course) I think you ignore her now.

I saw about your possible pregnancy but youvevhad BFN - maybe the stress of everything has delayed your period? Either way, I wish you all the best.

meercat23 · 10/04/2019 16:24

it requires some special kind of stupidity to assume people would fall for such a badly designed lie

I am guessing though that she might have started with what she thought would be a simple lie, saying she was pregnant. As time goes on though it gets more complicated as people ask for more details and as she realised that she had somehow to ensure that her GF didn't get to hear about it.

As the old proverb says, Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

TheNavigator · 10/04/2019 16:29

it requires some special kind of stupidity to assume people would fall for such a badly designed lie

But it has got her lots of attention from the family and stopped them prioritising B and her loss, so not that stupid. A has got exactly what she wanted - everyone in the family focused on her and her needs and feelings. Even on this thread some posters are saying the OP should prioritise A. Very effective tactic.

SchoolOfLife2 · 10/04/2019 16:36

TheNavigator

So you are saying she prioritises that bit of temporary attention over having them ever believe her again in the future ?! And looking like a shit person and a liar?

Very weird brain wiring

TheNavigator · 10/04/2019 16:38

She isn't thinking long term, it is the family rallying around B that makes her want to should 'looks at me' in any way she can - and it worked! Yes, it is short sighted and juvenile - A certainly sounds immature, but also manipulative and self serving. I would not reward her behaviour with attention.

Hearhere · 10/04/2019 17:18

I agree, this is a web and the pregnancy liar woman is the spider here, she is controlling everyone trapped in her web
it may be hard to see that this is a benefit to her but she has everyone stitched up and compromised
it may seem like a negative power but it still feels like power to her and it still 'feeds' her.
As people go along with her and placate her she feels more powerful and more able to get away with bare faced lies, the more she feels unaccountable the more she goes with what benefits and pleases her

ABC1234DEF · 10/04/2019 17:53

it requires some special kind of stupidity to assume people would fall for such a badly designed lie

The thing is, people who lie like this often believe their own lies.

LilQueenie · 11/04/2019 00:35

Of course she was never pregnant. You don't get sperm donors through a gp either. You would also go through a lot of questioning if it was done at a clinic and there would be tests.

Planetian · 11/04/2019 00:57

That’s one of the most shocking things I’ve read on here. What a crazy, poisonous, bitch. I’m livid for your poor sister.

That is completely unforgivable. Short of her having had some sort of serious breakdown I just wouldn’t be able to justify forgiving this.

Sashkin · 11/04/2019 02:40

So you are saying she prioritises that bit of temporary attention over having them ever believe her again in the future ?! And looking like a shit person and a liar?

Very weird brain wiring

You know how toddlers misbehave to get attention, because to them negative attention is better than no attention? This is like that.

Mommaof2x · 11/04/2019 03:11

You see people like this in life- you never think they would act like this in their own families too, how difficult for you all
She sounds ridiculous and needs therapy

There’s a lot of you so clearly some feeling of growing up with attention?

Mommaof2x · 11/04/2019 03:11
  • not enough attention
Bagpuss5 · 11/04/2019 03:50

A, The youngest must have had a different childhood to be so attention seeking. What caused this. She is selfish and thoughtless but people aren't usually born this way. If her DM spoiled her then she is partly to blame.
I would imagine B would be used to her sisters behavious so not as traumatised by it as the OP thinks.
You have to wonder what the background is to A's crazy lies.

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