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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
Glitterlikeawinner · 09/04/2019 20:03

Either way A is lying about miscarriage. She told GF she miscarried at 12 weeks and then tells your mum she's miscarried today with a big story about going to hospital etc. In my eyes she's lied about the whole thing and tried to cover up with each person at the time she's been found out. I can't imagine my sister ever doing something so vile at a time when sister B is going through such a traumatic experience.
A either addresses potential mental health issues, or if this is just a vile streak in her personality I would NC.
So sorry to you, B and your family for having to deal with this drama Flowers

MummytoTw0 · 09/04/2019 20:05

What an awful situation all round.

First and foremost, I’m very sorry to hear of your sister (B’s) loss. She has behaved very dignified in all of this

Equally, you too have been very good about this all and you come across as a very caring person, albeit clearly at your wits end with Sister A, understandably I might add

Sister A is clearly unwell. It’s good that you or at least some of you are not willing to turn your back on her. Clearly she needs help but she does need to understand the magnitude of her actions

Ginburee · 09/04/2019 20:14

What a mess, mental health issues or not there is something serious going on with A for her to need this level of attention at this time. It sounds awful but someone is going to need to challenge her but also be there for her too. I don't think that should be B as she needs time to concentrate on herself.
B sounds amazing and as an only child I would love to have sisters like you two.
I have to say, I was surprised and questioned A in my head when you said your brother was gay. Especially as you mentioned A had put some posts on social media about LGBT issues and families, he sounds like he might challenge those passive agressiotype posts as he is living with a ssp.
Sending condolences for the loss of Matilda.

VampireSlayer19 · 09/04/2019 20:15

Wow I am so sorry you and your sister B are going through this.

Just for information for same sex couples fertility treatment is not normally given on the NHS only in exemptions and I would think definitely not if GF did not know about it.

Even if true would be months of tests and matching you don’t get given a turkey Bastet of sperm to crack in with!

Sounds like A is seeking attention and maybe worth looking into why? But if you want to step away I can see why!

Sending thoughts for Matilda Flowers

VampireSlayer19 · 09/04/2019 20:16

*baster

LagunaBubbles · 09/04/2019 20:20

She’s royally fucked up, but if we turn our backs she’s totally alone and I can’t do that and neither can everyone else

Yep and I bet she knows it. Nothing will change.

MortyVicar · 09/04/2019 20:41

I'd say give it time for everyone involved to take a step back and reflect and consider. Rushing into trying to find answers or solutions or reasons will probably not help right now.
Whatever's going on with A, it isn't going to be quick or simple and a bit of distance will give everyone more clarity.

MissConductUS · 09/04/2019 20:50

Eventually the story will become that Prince Charles was the father and that the royals used a top secret miscarriage ray to abort the baby.

Blimey, I thought some of my relatives were nuts.

Daisypie · 09/04/2019 20:53

Wow. I really hope now the family attention can return to supporting B and mourning Matilda. A's goal clearly has been to secure attention for herself. She obviously needs some sort of help but this is all taking up everyone's emotional energy that B may need to draw on.

WinnerwinnerGinfordinner · 09/04/2019 20:59

Your family really are amazing for how you've dealt with this. B is so lucky to have such a supportive sister.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 09/04/2019 20:59

How bizarre, you are a much better woman than me op. I don’t think I could have anything else to do with her after this

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 09/04/2019 21:00

A clearly wants attention and is currently getting it. I would not engage with her in the short-term and I'd encourage your siblings and parents to do the same . What a hard situation to deal with Flowers for you and your family, especially sister B

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/04/2019 21:01

What a tale.
You poor poor thing xx

Tistheseason17 · 09/04/2019 21:04

Wow, she has one wild imagination.
I do hope your lovely sister is ok. You clearly have a wonderful sister relationship- she is prob jealous of that, too

Mmdck · 09/04/2019 21:11

I just want to echo what exWifebeginsat40 said. I also have borderline personality disorder and the sister most definitely does NOT have this condition. BPD is characterised by an inability to regulate ones emotions. Please don’t insult all those with this condition by saying that this abhorrent woman demonstrates ‘traits’ of it. She absolutely does not. Literally not one. More likely histrionic PD or narcissistic personality disorder (if anything at all!). Seriously, so bloody insulting. Unless you personally have BPD or know someone with it, then can I suggest keeping it zipped?!

I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. B sounds like an incredibly kind and compassionate woman Flowers

FitMum87 · 09/04/2019 21:16

Mental! That is crazy attention seeking

IveGotAlpen · 09/04/2019 21:17

Thanks @Mmdck from another BPD'er

manicmij · 09/04/2019 21:35

Could it be that A does want children and is looking for attention. Bs terrible experience may have caused her to almost ' phantom' pregnancy in her mind but not physically. Really weird behaviour if just attention seeking. Wouldn't block her until you have the full picture from her or the GF.

keepingfingerscrossed · 09/04/2019 21:57

@norris I can see you are now wondering if your sister cheated and got pregnant and that’s why she lied. BUT now her GF has left why wouldn’t she just tell your mum that? She doesn’t have a reason to keep that a secret anymore so surely if confronted she’d just tell the whole sorry tale (if it were true of course). So sorry you are all in this situation and in particular B is having to go through this. xx

Giddyuppp · 09/04/2019 22:01

keeping From experience, even when found out, liars still don't reveal the whole truth unless they have to. I would imagine OP's sister will continue some part of her lies to save some of her skin.

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 22:10

Agreed re the liar thing. Some people lie like they breathe. It's a compulsion and no amount of calling out will ever convince them to come clean. It's tragic

GabsAlot · 09/04/2019 22:21

why cant someone just be a nasty human being why does it have to be a mental illness

what she done was sick-sorry dont buy any of the pregnancy stuff even if it supposedly happen d earlier than u think

GabsAlot · 09/04/2019 22:24

oh and i guarantee u she will just turn on the waterworks and say how horrible her life is so u feel sorry for her-but she wont change it will happen again once shes got u on side

Insanelysilver · 09/04/2019 22:33

It’s hard to imagine why your sister wouid do this given your other sister had just lost her baby.
Has she got previous form for inventing stories or extreme attention seeking behaviour? I wonder if she at some point announce she’d also lost the baby.
It really does sound like she’s extremely cruel or mentally ill.
I think your sister who lost the baby should be the one who guides how you both respond to her as she’s the one who’s lost a child and had to then process your other sisters pretend pregnancy.

Linzbe · 09/04/2019 22:43

What's happening is terrible for all involved, however as you've said she's for form for attention seeking, she now has excalty what she wants!! All attention is now on her, whatever the situation actually was.
Basically she has "won" because it is now all about her (no matter if she was actually pregnant or not - I don't believe she actually was)
You're a bigger person then me OP as I could never forgive or forget something like that, especially with what B was going through at that time!! 💐