My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

@Insanelysilver have you read the thread?

I don't believe she was ever pregnant either. I also think she needs to suffer the consequences of her actions. If that means she's got no-one, on her head be it. She doesn't deserve forgiveness, and if you all forgive her for this, what on earth will she try next?

You should all take a massive step back from her, OP. As PP have said, she has got exactly what she wants; attention. You don’t need to do or say anything to A now. Concentrate on supporting B and her family. Just quietly ignore A. I suspect she will come back with her tail between her legs at some point.

If I were in your position, and there was to be any kind of forgiveness from me, A would need to make a heartfelt and genuine apology, at the very least to B, which demonstrated she understood how utterly despicable her behaviour has been, and how she is planning to take responsibility for her own actions and begin to make amends. If that wasn’t freely forthcoming, I’m afraid I couldnt continue a relationship with her, sister or not.

Honestly, at this point I would have called the non emergency police line and explained everything and asked if they can do a welfare check since she won't engage with family and her behaviour has been so erratic and unhealthy. Perhaps they could get the ball rolling to get her some help.

Your sister needs assessment via a mental health team. Do the UK laws allow for your Mum to apply to have A admitted to an appropriate clinic/facility for this to occur?

Sorry, the following is going to be awful - I'm mindful of my ...... friend and her Son who were murdered by their Husband/Father who had announced at an earlier party he was suffering from incurable cancer.

Nobody including the wife had any idea and out of respect for his wife, all left the party early. A few days later he killed wife/son and then himself. A post mortem showed he was not suffering from any cancer.

Jesus expat that's terrible.

Sorry for your sisters loss op, Matilda is a lovely band .

I do think your little is sister is unstable and I'd definitely seek her out some counselling if possible.

*name not band

Sorry I'm an imbecile with that typo

I hope your mum manages to get to the bottom of it OP.

Expat101....Oh my goodness how absolutely heartbreaking!!!I'm so sorry about your friend and her son.It shows we can never know exactly what other people are thinking😢

Toffeepennie, that's the same as my situation. I have a narcissistic brother who claimed to be depressed. Managed to swing 2 years off work. Everyone believed him... he was overly dramatic about it all... lots of "suicide attempts" (that he only ever mentioned if someone doubted him)...

Turned out he was sniffing £20k of coke, driving under the influence and crashed 3 times (annoyingly never tested and I didn't know at the time to inform the police...) and even worse was gas lighting and emotionally abusing his girlfriend who supported him through everything (who has since left him).

During all this I had PND but didn't feel I could tell anyone as they were so caught up in the drama...

Sometimes people are evil, not mentally ill. And if they're like my brother, they do a massive disservice to those who are mentally ill.

So, so sorry about the loss of Matilda, I cannot begin to think how B is coping. She sounds so strong and brave x

Aaaw that's messed up, so sorry for you and your sister to be having I deal with this, and especially your poor sister.

Do what feels right for you, but remember that stepping away from
Someone toxic to protect your own mental health is okay, even if they're on your family (as long a stay they're an adult).

As a pp said by supporting A, you risk now giving her attention she wanted. Even negative attention is still attention, and it’s deflected the focus off B. Its all about A, again.

A does not need to move back home. She needs to get a job and a flat that are unconnected to her family.

I suppose this is like a real life troll.

God knows there's been enough fakers on MN over the years and pregnancy seems to be the common fake story. Often very detailed stories over a few months which frequently culminate in stillbirths or early delivery and then a sick child in scbu. It must all be done for attention seeking.

But that's with strangers on the internet. To try and fool your loved ones like this is a different level, especially when B has been through so much.

I do think your sister needs help/counselling. I'm not saying she has mental health issues but this level of deception is not normal. There's a major lack of empathy and she needs to explore the reasons why she feels the need for such attention seeking behaviour. She can't be a happy person.

Sorry but A sounds like a spoilt little bitch and needs someone to call her out, none of this pussy footing around her! What she did, lie or not, was despicable! Showing her true colours that she's actually not a very nice person!

I'm so sorry for the loss of Matilda.

For all the pp saying she has a mental illness. This may not be true. She may just be a bitch! Who craves attention! I have BPD and I would never ever lie about something like this. Especially at a time like this. Please stop diagnosing people when you don't know her and are not medically trained to do so!

Your family sounds amazing op! I don't think you will ever get the truth but I think she has lied. If she had lost that much blood and passed out, the hospital wouldn't have let her go home to "finish the miscarriage" and she wouldn't have felt well enough to clean up all the blood! She would have been kept in for at least a night and may have even needed a blood transfusion if she had lost that much! I call bullshit on her whole lie!

Gosh, what a lot of drama in 36 hours.
for everyone suffering from the loss of a baby.

I think we’re all just going to leave her to it for a few days and if she doesn’t reach out by Sunday I’ll give her a ring. I do t think she’s a risk to herself but I don’t want her to feel completely alone.

We told DB2 and BIL last night, they’re both furious but DB2 is particularly bad. He’s always been protective of B though so I was expecting him to take it the worst.

He’s given A money a few weeks ago for baby things and to decorate the spare room as a nursery to show his support and they’ve had a lot of private chats about names, plans etc. It was £500 which is a hell of a lot of money to us. He wants to ask for it back but I’ve told him to wait a couple of days before getting involved and since we don’t know if she miscarried or not it might be a bit cruel.

I’m due a Skype call with DB3 tonight so I’ll tell him there’s no baby then although doubt he’ll be all that bothered!

What makes me think that your sis isn't just attention seeking and otherwise of good mind is how poorly constructed her story was. She didn't seem to see the problems with telling different people different things and this suggests a deeper problem.

@Whereareyouspot - why is it far fetched to have 5 siblings? My mother is one of 10, my husband is one of 5 and one of his brothers has 5 of his own. Bizarre thing to even question.

She really didn't have a miscarriage. I had one at just under 10 weeks, was in as much pain as when I'd been in labour, was in hospital for hours, had an internal ultrasound scan, and had a D&C.

Your sister was allegedly further along. No way did she have a MC.

I wish it was all sounding far fetched but unfortunately there really are some people who quite desperately need to be the centre of attention at all times. If they feel that someone else is getting the attention that they feel should be theirs, some, can be quite capable of fabricating stories to shift the attention back where they believe it belongs.

This story is worse than most because of the circumstances that seem to have provoked the lies. For most people it is hard to believe that the tragedy and loss experienced by one sister could provoke another sister to try and reclaim the spotlight in this way. OP I hope that the damage to ypour family will not be long lasting and that you will all be able to move on in time.

I don't believe she was ever pregnant.

I think she couldn't bear for your sister to be the centre of family attention and care. I think she saw that, got jealous, and decided to fake the same story to draw attention back onto herself.

I have a sister who literally pushed me out of the family with a series of lies in order to monopolize support and care for 20 years. It happens. We have a lot of language for dysfunctional parent/child relationships because so many famous psychotherapists focused on these. We don't really talk about dysfunctional sibling relationships as much.

You have five siblings?
This is all sounding quite far fetched got to be honest OP

What's far fetched about having five siblings?