My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

I have known some severe psychos, but A really takes the biscuit doesn’t she?

Imagine coming out with that just after her own sister had a stillbirth.

Very cruel and B is much more mature than I would be

I'm so sorry that your family are having to deal with all this at such a sad time as it is, and I hope your mum has a word with her and gets to the bottom of it.

I think this is the oddest comment of all: "As I’ve said she’s not really a liar, she’s more just over the top and dramatic iyswim. She likes to feel like she’s ‘different’ to the rest of us, she thinks we’re all terribly boring and conventional". After all you have just told us, how can you say that A is not a liar?

This is all stunningly bizarre to me. Clearly she is mentally ill?

I've witnessed similar to this kind of behaviour over some 30 years. My now ex husband spread the word that he had throat cancer straight after I decided to separate from him, this became a regular pattern of behaviour for years each time 'something' happened within the family or close friends circle. He always managed to tell each member of the family individually and make them swear to keep the secret from his mother. Roll forward another 15 years, he tried the exact same story a month after his sister lost her only child in a motorbike accident Nobody cared because although his siblings and parents love him, ultimately he is very apparently dilusional, suffering some kind of deep seated problem or other mental health issue. I am still close to the family and my advice would be to simply ignore and not engage with any 'big news '. Sadly your sister, who genuinely knows what loss is, will probably be the one worst affected by her sister's seemingly cruel behaviour. My family have lived with this sort of drama for years and frankly, I feel sorry for people who feel the need to behave in this way but really, sadly, not much you can do.
My biggest warmest hugs and best wishes to your sister B, I also know how this feels but time WILL heal. I now have three grown up children who all came after my own personal tragedy. X

Wow I would guess a few factors could be contributing to this. Firstly she is in a same sex relationship so perceived fertility is an issue, your sister was recently pregnant making her jealous, she comes from a big family. She is certainly delusional, but saying that the mind can affect the body. It is possible her belief could have lead to hormonal changes so she has some symptoms associated with pregnancy. Ever had a late period as you have been stressed? Her mind can convince her body. It is also possible she may be on medication that is affecting her hormones. Bottom line is though i think she wants attention, the status of being 'pregnant', the perceived better treatment. She needs help.

Your sister sounds mentally ill.

Your sister A has a raging personality disorder...nothing can be done about her behaviour, but I would absolutley go nc with her. What she did is despicable in every level, and there is no coming back from that. She has done this with the sole purpose of dragging the attention away from B, with no thought to her feelings or what she is going through. She doesn't care. Hope you are all ok

Does anyone know what goes on in someone’s brain when they Suddenly decide they need to take the empathy away from someone going through serious loss??

Might help decide if it’s forgivable or not If we know what on earth she was thinking? Is she preconditioned to see her sister as a rival to a point she no longer has any sense of real compassion??? Or does she feel so sorry for herself and for her life that she is just simply incapable to understand that her sister had just gone through something tragic and instead envying then little positivity in the situation.

It’s sickening.. really

Creating a lie/having a dramatic attention seeking personality doesn't automatically mean you are mentally ill. Some people are just not great people....

Creating a lie/having a dramatic attention seeking personality doesn't automatically mean you are mentally ill.

Agreed. Some mumsnetters love an armchair diagnosis based on nowhere near enough knowledge/information.

I know someone that did something similar to this. She faked a pregnancy, told all of her friends that it was her bosses and that they were having an affair etc. A few of us were suspicious because the dates didn't match up, her story kept changing etc. One friend confronted her and she admitted that it wasn't true but couldn't give an explanation as to why. A few friends had recently got married or had babies and we think it was driven by jealousy. I cut contact. I'm so sorry for your sisters loss and I hope that she is still getting the support she needs no matter what is going on with your other sister.

We were right, she tried to tell mum she was miscarrying this evening which was why she wasn’t feeling well.

It’s all over. Mum went round and A was upstairs and GF wasnt there and neither were her cats so mum knew immediately GF has moved out. Mum went upstairs and found A in bed watching Netflix on her laptop so asked if she was feeling ok and A ‘screamed’ at her to go away because she was having a miscarriage. Apparently she borrowed ‘this is MY miscarriage’ from fleabag

Mum said she needed to go to the hospital and she’d take her but A said she’d already been and they’d said there was nothing they could do and she should just wait until it finishes. Mum asked when she’d been. A said earlier in the day so mum asked how she got there (she doesn’t drive) and she said she called an ambulance. Mum asked why she hadn’t called her to take her and A said there was so much blood she had to call an ambulance and then she passed out and the paramedics found her

Mum asked when she’d cleaned up the blood/ why the hospital discharged her if she’d lost so much blood only an hour or so after she’d been found unconscious on the bathroom floor and how she’d subsequently got home again so quickly.

A protested and made up some more stuff until Mum’s ‘I call bullshit’ face registered and then she shut up apparently.

Mum didn’t even address the no baby thing properly she just said she was very upset that A had lied and it was a really awful thing to do. She then left and called B.

I’ve messaged GF and we’ve had a chat over the phone. GF moved out on Sunday night and is back with her parents and properly devastated. Apparently, A told GF she’d secretly got pregnant by a sperm donor through the GP but had miscarried at 12 weeks just before her scan and not told the family because of B’s loss.

GF told A she just wanted the truth and if A could tell her that they could stay together and move on but A kept up the lie so GF left.

There’s still a possibility the truth is somewhere in the middle: A got pregnant by cheating on GF, lost the baby early and didn’t tell us she’d lost it or GF she was ever pregnant.

We’ve all swapped: I think the above happened, mum and B think she made the whole thing up

It sounds not very nice to say but Sister A does sound a bit unstable...

Have you spoken to As Gf since?

Perhaps she thought she was pregnant but actually wasnt but wanted some sort of sympathy to take away from the fact she cheated?

Id be inclined to think that you're right, that A got pregnant/possibly pregnant by cheating and was excited by the attention it would get... so spoke about it in group chat but never told her GF

Potentially even a chemical pregnancy so was just very late for her period with heavier bleeding than normal and assumed miscarriage. It could've been based in truth and spiralled into a lie when GF was brought into it

I hope you all find some resolution, i don't think it's something i could forgive

Cross posted with *2birds" but agree completely that seems the most likely thing

2birds also possible. I’m done, with the drama of it all and we’ll never actually know the truth of it so now we just need to move on from it.

I’ll give it a couple of days then reach out to A and ask if she wants to go for a coffee or something. I’ll say whilst what she did was terrible, she’s still our sister and we’re here if she needs us.

She’s royally fucked up, but if we turn our backs she’s totally alone and I can’t do that and neither can everyone else.

I don't believe she was ever pregnant. I think her lie ran away with her and she's still lying to save face.

Mental illness is not an excuse for behaving like a bitch. Sorry but I get sick of the “she’s mentally ill” line being trotted out every time someone behaves like a total arsehole. Because really despicable people can suffer from mental illness but it’s not necessarily because of the mental illness that they’re despicable people.

I think it’s fair to say this behaviour isn’t normal, but so what? I have absolutely no sympathy for her what so ever and if she was related to me I would never speak to her again on the basis I would never be able to trust a word that came out of her mouth, about anything.

She’s royally fucked up, but if we turn our backs she’s totally alone and I can’t do that and neither can everyone else. you’re a better person than me. Being totally alone is no more than she deserves.

I think you are a good person, after all this, you are trying to give sister A the benefit of the doubt. I tend to agree with your mum though, my guess is she made the whole thing up. Have there been previous issues in her relationship? Was this partly jealousy of sister B and partly an attempt to keep hold of a rocky relationship with her gf? Ive no idea, but the consequences of the whole charade will be long-term I suspect.
I wish you all the best in sorting out the mess, but most of all, condolences to sister B. I can't imagine how painful this all is for her.

So sorry you and your family are going through this. Amongst all the craziness one phrase shone out She likes to feel like she’s ‘different’ to the rest of us, she thinks we’re all terribly boring and conventional".. And yet she’s happy to let her mum still provide her accommodation. I call spoiled brat.

I'm glad you talked with your mum before she went, meaning your mum was going there with the upper hand.

I don't really know what to say about the end result, as it's quite upsetting for your other sister. Hope you can all move on in whatever way

B isn’t taking any of this personally which is remarkable. She thinks A is ill and needs to move back home until she’s well.

I think she’s let a lie get out of hand and needs a good few weeks to stew on it before we all move on and welcome her back to the fold. Dad agrees with me.

Mum I’m not sure about. She thinks it was all made up but I don’t know what she thinks the reason is, suspect she’s with B.