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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
shedid · 09/04/2019 12:37

@MrMakersFartyParty
Because OP is on the conception boards. And her sister is on MN.

It's really not that complicated.

PepsiLola · 09/04/2019 12:42

You've done nothing wrong telling your sister that OP. It is better for her to find out that way than search your username and see you've posted about it

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/04/2019 12:52

I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here a bit, but I realise it's easy for me and how I would actually react if I was involved would probably be very different.

A is only 22 and the baby of the family, of 6 siblings? She has probably, to an extent, been babied all her life which would explain her immaturity and at 22 she's barely in to adulthood anyway. From subsequent posts from the OP it also sounds like she's a bit of a black sheep and it could be that her behaviour worsens as she plays to that role she's been given and it becomes a vicious circle.

Or

It is possible that she is pregnant and hiding it from her GF as her GF doesn't want children, may accuse her of cheating, push her to have an abortion.. which would also explain why she's stopped bringing her GF to family things. Why tell the family? Well, she's an immature 22 year old who may really want a baby but in a relationship with someone who doesn't, and really needs to share her excitement with someone.

I think taking all things in to consideration OP's dad is actually right to say that she needs support whatever is going on.

Lau00 · 09/04/2019 13:03

Bizarre behaviour. Poor B.

pessimisticstateofperception · 09/04/2019 13:05

MrMakersFartyParty you don't even have to RTFT to find out why op told her sister, just read ops posts.

TheLoneWolfDies · 09/04/2019 13:05

Your dad sounds so lovely, he really must care for his children. I totally get how you are feeling and I would be so so angry but I have so much respect for your Dad and your sisters level of understanding and compassion.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 09/04/2019 13:07

There clearly is an element of mental health issues going on and also some behavioural issues, I feel sorry for your sister tbh.

Sorry for your loss OPs sister Flowers

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 13:12

I wish people would stop saying she's clearly mentally ill, they have no idea.

MomoaTattoo · 09/04/2019 13:24

@LucyAutumn

The reason I mentioned intervention style is because I have personal experience of it working.

SIL is a monumental liar. She would tell MIL, her husband, her inlaws, BIL, us, friends all various stories lies. One was just too massive, also pregnancy related as it happens. She was called out via email, copying in everyone (because people were scattered about so couldn't get together in person). So everybody knew the truth of the situation.
I think it was a relief to everyone involved tbh.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 13:25

Exactly that. I have a post running on conception about the fact I’m crazy late for a period (and now feeling tired, headachy, bloated and sick... yay.) and my fear was someone would advance search and mention the thread here. B and I are both reading the thread so I didn’t want her finding out from a stranger on the internet as she’d be so hurt I hadn’t told her I was worried.

As I said, we’re very close and she’d expect me to share that stuff so on balance it was better to tell her.

Someone asked what everyone else thinks: we haven’t told my brothers what’s going on although they know A is pregnant.

In order of age it goes: DB1 (early 40’s) DB2 (33) me (28), B (27), DB3 (24) and A (22)

We don’t see or speak to DB1 and haven’t since around the time DB3 was born. He’s never met A and we don’t know anything about his life Sad other than the fact he’s alive and lives ‘down south’. I’ve reached out a couple of times one facebook and so has B but we don’t get a response. We can’t see anything on his profile but he did update his photo to a photo of a baby a couple of years ago so he may have kids.

B, DB2 and I are all married and B has 2 children (6 and 2)

DB2 is the brother with the husband and we haven’t told them everything yet. DB2 and BIL will go straight to A (they live nearish her) and confront her so we’ve held off telling them until mums spoken to A. They don’t see A if they can help it and don’t engage with the drama. DB2 is extremely protective of B and always has been. Him and his lovely husband basically organised Matilda’s funeral and sorted a lot of the admin which allowed the rest of us to just cocoon B and the family any way we could.

Little brother (DB3) is extremely chilled and hasn’t believed she was pregnant from the start. He’s currently doing bits of travelling and generally having a lovely time so we haven’t told him either. He and A absolutely hate each other and always have, probably because they’re close in age but polar opposite personalities Grin he’s due to come and stay with me or DB2 in the next few weeks though (he’s currently bumming his way around Cambodia) so when he’s back we’ll tell him.

Sorry, my family is huge and without explaining the dynamic it’s hard to answer questions on why we are/ aren’t telling them stuff Blush

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/04/2019 13:39

It really does sound like none if you like A very much to be honest. It's very easy to cast someone as the black sheep, but we have to remember how we ourselves contribute to our whole family dynamic.

ABlether · 09/04/2019 13:49

Hope you get some clarification soon, particularly for B's sake. Matilda is a beautiful name.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 13:49

milk I think with the exception of B, we’ve all just had enough.

A was babied a lot and mum used to refer to her as ‘my last baby’ when she was little. She was born about 18 months after my eldest brother went NC so naturally our parents were very protective and she’s always been the absolute centre of attention. I think over time we’ve all just got a bit tired of it.

It goes without saying that we love A and if she was indeed going through a miscarriage we’d be falling over ourselves to help her and support her, but if she’s lied about this at such a fragile time it’s unforgivable in my eyes.

B doesn’t see it that way and I think DB2 will want to explore why A is acting the way she is too. He’s likely to think like B does. Mum and I are a bit motley hot headed, they’re much more like my dad.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/04/2019 14:03

and she’s always been the absolute centre of attention.

Makes sense. As I said before, it becomes a vicious circle and she lacks the maturity and knowledge of how to stop it.

Tbh though OP I am actually more like you, and I think if it was my family I'd be wanting to confront too. I do wish I was more like your sister!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/04/2019 14:27

I cannot imagine being in such a difficult situation, @Norrisskipjack, and I think that you and your sister are dealing with it with a huge amount of compassion, maturity and sensitivity. My heart goes out to you both, and I hope that the situation can be resolved without any further hurt being caused to you, your sister B, or your parents.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 14:30

milk I wish I was more like my sister too Smile

I got all the impotent rage and she got all the human kindness genes Grin

OP posts:
NWQM · 09/04/2019 14:40

You are coming across here as rightly outraged but very caring....just saying.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 14:54

Thanks NWQM I am trying Blush

B just called. Mum called B and said shes invited A for dinner tomorrow night but A said no. Mum asked why (she never normally refuses) and A said she’s ‘not feeling well’ so mum asked if it was to do with the baby and A said yes, so mum has offered to go round and see her (40 minute drive) tonight. A said no, but Mum is her landlord so she’s made an excuse to pop round anyway and A has agreed she can go round but said she ‘might be out’ later when mum calls round Confused

OP posts:
IveGotAlpen · 09/04/2019 14:55

The plot thickens.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 15:00

ivegot indeed.

Nothing will happen tonight, Mum will go round and either no one will be in or A won’t come downstairs to see her while she’s there. Mum does need to go round anyway to measure up the kitchen (she’s putting a new one in) but was planning to do that at the weekend. I very much doubt A will talk to her 2bh Sad

OP posts:
Giddyuppp · 09/04/2019 15:05

She obviously knows you're all on to her, the thing is, she can't avoid you all forever, it'll come to ahead at some point and probably sooner rather than later.

BoobiesToTheRescue · 09/04/2019 15:14

Blimey

IveGotAlpen · 09/04/2019 15:14

@Norrisskipjack if your sister ' isn't feeling well ' as she told your mum on the phone , could this not be the start of her 'miscarriage '?

I can't even begin to understand how you feel, especially your poor sister who is showing tremendous patience and strength through this.

It very very sick to fake a pregnancy and even worse a miscarriage . Bloody awful for someone to fake such a traumatic thing that many women have to go through. It pisses all over them with such a lack of disrespect. It's unbelievable. Did you ever think your sister could be capable of this ? I know you said she is a drama lama but this is beyond just being a drama lama this is being twisted.

Thanks for your sister and beautiful Matilda x

MomoaTattoo · 09/04/2019 15:27

if your sister ' isn't feeling well ' as she told your mum on the phone , could this not be the start of her 'miscarriage '?

I'd lay money on it.

Mememeplease · 09/04/2019 15:29

I still can't understand why the GF is being left out of the loop. Surely she is an integral part of the whole situation?

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