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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The dreaded annual bbq

117 replies

Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 11:53

Partner has a spring bbq every year for his family and friends . I’ve attended the last 3 but quite frankly dread them all. I really am fed up of going and contributing financially when I just don’t want to be there. I just don’t connect with the family. I’m polite but none of them really make an effort to try to get to know me. His family is female dominated so I know very much how females can be. I’m thinking of excuses not to go already is that bad ?!

OP posts:
NotFatTransslender · 07/04/2019 11:57

His family is female dominated so I know very much how females can be

Say what now?!

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 07/04/2019 12:04

Have you made an effort with them? Do you see them any other times? have you talked to your DP? I am assuming by this His family is female dominated so I know very much how females can be you mean they can be a bit bitchy. If it's just one day then I think you probably have to suck it up if your DP is likely to be upset if you dont go. That said, if you really cannot bear to be there a few hours you can pretend to be ill.

Xiaoxiong · 07/04/2019 12:04

I know very much what females can be

Don't go. You don't want to be there, and honestly with that kind of attitude the females (and the males!) probably don't want you there either.

PCohle · 07/04/2019 12:05

Sorry, how can females be?

I can't say I'm surprised you don't get on with his relatives if that's indicative of the sort of attitudes you hold.

Leeds2 · 07/04/2019 12:07

When you say that you are contributing financially to this event, what do you mean? Paying half the cost, or taking round a pack of burgers?

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 12:07

They gossip and slag people off and it makes me uncomfortable!! That’s what I meant!!!
No I don’t see them often so I guess I will have to suck it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 12:09

He spends about £500 so I tend to put a quarter of the cost. It’s annoying because once someone had the cheek to ask me what I had brought towards it. Most of them turn up empty handed, feed their tummy’s and drink all the alcohol. It’s so annoying.

OP posts:
ReallyReallyNo · 07/04/2019 12:09

You sound like you think you’re better than them and it probably shows.

Drum2018 · 07/04/2019 12:10

Do you live with your partner? If not then just don't go. You don't have to suck it up to spare his feelings. If his family don't make an effort to get on with you then I don't see why you should put yourself out to be there. I suppose it will be harder to avoid if you do live with your partner and it's at your house. In any case I wouldn't be paying for it. Let him buy the food/drink.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 07/04/2019 12:10

You mean you cohabit and split finances?

Sorry, it's something you suck up if you want this relationship to last the distance. You make an effort.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 12:10

And I don’t know why I’m being critisised for feeling like this. No one wants to be around others that make them feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 12:11

And I have made an effort for the last 3 years!! @PlainSpeakingStraightTalking

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 07/04/2019 12:11

Why on earth are you financially contributing?

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/04/2019 12:12

500 quid for a frigging barbeque!!!
Just have something else on that day.

Leeds2 · 07/04/2019 12:12

Assuming that you don't live together, I think I just wouldn't go. It certainly doesn't sound like you find it particularly enjoyable. And I wouldn't be contributing towards it either.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 07/04/2019 12:14

No we don’t live together. I just didn’t want to upset him. I might just go for a Few hours or so. It usually lasts from around d 2pm until midnight.

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 07/04/2019 12:16

You don't live together? Forget that - I wouldn't be giving him 125 quid for a burger

JenniferJareau · 07/04/2019 12:16

Don't go, just tell him plainly you don't enjoy it but hope he has fun.

You don't want to be there and his family have undoubtedly picked up on your dislike of them.

Provincialbelle · 07/04/2019 12:17

I couldn’t care less what people say about or even to me, but I can’t abide scroungers who turn up and trough away at everyone else’s expense

shakenfizzydrink · 07/04/2019 12:17

Why are you subsidising his bbq?!

PengAly · 07/04/2019 12:18

Op judging by your attitude no wonder they dont seem like you. I bet your dislike for them comes across without you realising. Dont go and spare them having to spend time with you. I doubt this family is anywhere near as bad as you are making out.

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 07/04/2019 12:20

I doubt this family is anywhere near as bad as you are making out

Why do you doubt it? There are numerous thread on MN about nightmare families.

Mrsjayy · 07/04/2019 12:21

Well don't go you clearly dislike them and resent feeding them you wil be doing your partner a favour really let him enjoy his family.

Holidayshopping · 07/04/2019 12:21

Why are you paying for it??

makingmammaries · 07/04/2019 12:23

Life’s too short to attend events you dread. Just don’t go.