Shaking my head at DD's "father" messing her about again - this time using a "valid" excuse, they're having IVF...

[ForgotwhatIcameinherefor]

Fgs. Irony obviously lost on current wife.

Why’s it his wife’s fault?

You probably need to give more information if you want reasonable responses...

Why’s it his wife’s fault?

Well it isn't but as a woman it would ring some alarm bells if my DP cba to see the cold he already has.....

How old is she?
In what way messing her about?

So yanbu op

OP hasn’t said he can’t be bothered to see her.

So contact for DD is being chopped and changed, or cancelled, because ex and new wife are having IVF treatment?

Well thats what I read into it Anne

Are they paying for IVF themselves?

Usually, NHS criteria prevent IVF treatment if either one of the couple have children.

More info?

If it's around egg collection time contact has to be rearranged, absolutely no other way.
Otherwise there is £4-5K wasted and two to three months delay before the next attempt.

If it's embryo transfer it's also tricky but not impossible depending on the procedure they use.

I'd say if either of these dates fall on contact time then it has to be rearranged. It's life, just as if you ex husband was having surgery on a contact weekend you'd have to rearrange.

I know IVF is a planned intervention but the timing isn't precise. That's the nature of it.

The key is to warn you daughter, explain that some dates might need to change last minute, and run with the changes.

In isolation I guess the reason sounds like a valid one, but sounds from post that this isn’t the first time dd as been messed around, so YANBU.

If it's around egg collection time contact has to be rearranged, absolutely no other way.

Presumably her dad is not having his eggs collected though?

Sorry all. Just downloaded the app and was waiting for notifications.
Of course if isolated incident and timings needed to be arranged around IVF appointments then I as any decent person would completely approve.
It's this being the latest rearrangement of the already bare minimum that really takes the biscuit.
DD is 10 now and used to it but obviously if this treatment results in a DC for them then he will be the perfect dad she believes I prevented him from being will he?

I would count ivf as a medical treatment and I think it’s reasonable to rearrange contact for that reason.

Ah saw your update. Then your annoyance isn’t about this it’s about past situations. Maybe you need to re visit contact and maintenance arrangements now in light of the fact they are looking to conceive

IVF is classed as fertility treatment not medical treatment (it only turns to the latter in the case of moderate-severe OHSS). So if you go through the courts you can force him to have access — things like egg collection etc only impact her, not his ability to parent.

I don't get why she can't go, even if you are having surgery your children stay home? He won't be perfect dad, talk to her.

If it's around egg collection time contact has to be rearranged, absolutely no other way.

Do what do parents who need IVF and are still together do? No second children ever?

I do wonder what story gets spun to the second wife that convinces her he will be a gread dad when he cant even taking care of the one he has to look after part time

*so

Not do!

How often is he seeing his DD currently? Is he having her overnight at all? Having had IVF I can understand how all consuming it is, and there were times when we needed to make other arrangements for my older DC, but as has already been acknowledged, this is more about the consistent failure in contact, rather than the current situation.

I'm sure a father who had diligently spent time with and supported his child asking for a bit of leniency while undergoing IVF would be met with nothing but understanding. But that is clearly not what is going on here.

He needs to just get on with life as usual and arrange a sitter if need be. Next it will be they need time alone to bond, bf etc given other posts you often see on here.

What has that got to do with his current wife though?

Maybe back story about current wife? TBH if IVF she is going to be pretty much involved in the issue in some way.