To expect DH to text me a few times in the evening?

[AmeliasNoah]

DH goes away on business trips. I've just recently had our second child (ok, in January, so maybe not too recent) but I'm still on mat leave. We have an elder child who is 5. We do both send a good morning text and wish each other a good day, you know say a I miss you and love you and then we don't usually text again until the end of the day. I usually send a couple throughout the day, maybe sending something about one of the children for example "X won this at school" or similar. He usually doesn't respond to that until the end of the day, absolutely fine, he will then send a text answering what I put and saying he loves me. I then reply usually straight away, I'm at home doing nothing and he's usually in a girl doing nothing. We don't usually call as I'm usually sorting the kids but in between stuff it would be nice to just hear about his day and for me to tell him about the children. He usually won't respond again for 4 odd hours. I ask if he is busy and he says "nah just relaxing watching the football" or something similar... if I have sent a text about our children or a question, I can't understand why he would need to take 4 hours to respond, if he is just sitting in a hotel room relaxing. AIBU to think this is unfair? He thinks I'm being too needy and OTT.

[Tealtights]

I was pleased to get a Facebook message every 3 days... business trips are really full on, 8am until 11pm typically in this field

And my husband may not be able to contact me for days or even weeks if he's on a no contact exercise...but that doesn't really fit with the op's situation does it so what does it matter what we are used to and what the OP should expect from her own partner?!

[Cantthinkofausername1990]

I think if you are messaging about the kids and telling him something that has happened or asking if he could attend an event, then it is extremely rude of him not to reply for hours because he is watching football.
My dp stays away for work 3 nights a week and we also have a 5 year old, we have a quick call every morning. If I'm too busy to talk then ds will have a quick chat with him. Then during the day we usually don't have any contact at all, but on the rare occasion that I will send a pic of ds doing something, he responds when he can with a quick message. Equally, if I have asked him a question that involves ds he will get back to me as soon as he can.. it could be 2 hours later but he definitely wouldn't ignore the message.
Then in the evening we call where possible or if not we text to catch up on the day, but the evening is always the time he's most responsive because he's back at the house trying to pass the evening.
What is sad in your situation is that i can imagine your 5 year old misses daddy and would love to hear from him.
I can't understand why, if he is in his hotel room watching football, he doesn't seem interested in his kids. I would suspect he isn't actually doing what he says he is, maybe he's down in the hotel bar watching the match there instead and chatting with others.

[wineandroses1]

I used to travel a lot with work - away for 2 week stints in far flung places every month or so. Before FaceTime, I used Skype (and Hangout etc) twice a day so that my child could see my face and talk to me. Sometimes the time zones meant a phone call instead, but my contact was every single day. It was really important to engage with my child and to chat to my husband. I missed them, and I didn’t want my child to feel sad that she couldn’t see me. I really looked forward to those calls, as did my family. I think your husband is being a lazy arse. He may prefer to watch football (or whatever else he’s up to) but he needs to engage with his family. I’d be furious that he couldn’t be bothered to talk to his child. What use is he? He needs to buck up or fuck off.

[Strugglingtodomybest]

I don't think you're being needy either, and I normally have opinions that would get me labelled as a 'cool' wife (or not jealous or controlling as I prefer to think of it).

I work away for up to 2 weeks at a time and, despite hating chatting talking on the phone, I will always call home to chat to the kids and DH once a day.

[AnnieMall]

The kids stay over the grandparents on a Saturday night so I usually stay in bed until around 9am, get up and put some washing on while having breakfast. Then I go pick them up to go to church. When I get home I cook our roast dinner and keep it all in servers to warm later. Wash up - that is usually harder than cooking a roast! But by 2pm it’s usually all done. Then I do the ironing in my bedroom so I can watch Netflix while DH watches football downstairs. Kids are usually gaming or football in the garden if weather is nice. Then we all have dinner, followed by a film and chocolate.

[MinnieMountain]

DH regularly works away for 2 days at a time. We FaceTime when 5yo DS is in the bath. DH will show DS his hotel room. Once DS is asleep we will text about practical things.

I can't understand having children and not wanting contact with them whilst you're away.

[Dera1234]

I don't think you're being needy at all. You're partners and you share a life together, so it's hard when you can't. Particularly when you're stuck at home caring for young children by yourself with no help from your partner. Working or not, it sucks.

I don't think it's acceptable at all, and if my DP were to pull that I'd be super pissed. Fortunately he's great when away and if travelling alone will call me, h never messages in the day because he's working, and in the evenings he's with colleagues or clients but will send a quick message if he goes the toilet. Then we have a ten minute ish phonecall before bed which can be as late as 12 depending on what time he'd gotten away.

If he's not on a very rare occasion with colleagues or clients then we text most of the evening when he's not eating or doing work emails etc.

I'd be super pissed if he couldn't be bothered to message me in his free time as it would say to me he didn't really give a shit, or miss you, or want to know how your day's been, or how the kids are.

What is he like when he's home? Is he engaging and helpful with the kids?

Might be worth a chat and explain it hurts you. If he's genuinely busy that's cool but you'd expect in his free time to be able to talk to him. If he's evasive or flips out I'd perhaps be a bit suspicious that he is up to no good. Have there been any red flags?

[GabriellaMontez]

You're not being needy. It sounds like he's using his work as an opportunity to check out of his responsibilities.

But the worst thing is doesn't he want to speak to his children and wife?

The posts on here about life before mobiles and husbands on military operations are irrelevant! That is not the case here! Thus guy is sitting around in a hotel room ducking out our family life!

I would feel hurt.

[Chamomileteaplease]

I wonder if you could just stop texting anything during the day and have an agreement that you can face time or call at a mutually agreed time and that the deal is that he has to turn off the TV for that 30 minutes. Then you know that you will have his undivided attention each night and he knows that he is free for 23.5 hours a day and therefore will hopefully be happy to focus on you.

I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is working all day and then feels badgered all evening as well.

However, he does sound horribly uninterested. Some stuff is boring to hear about to be frank but to not listen to your own five year old properly is very mean.

[PurpleFlower1983]

Phone him, sorted.

[Ihatehashtags]

I’d classify that as needy. If my hubby is away I’ll probably talk to him once every couple of days

[Hollowvictory]

We never face time. I'll text a couple of times a day if away, dh does the same.
We don't need a lot of contact when 1 of us is away.

[ScarletBitch]

Oh for goodness sake, are you always this clingy?

[Tealtights]

@ScarletBitch clingy seriously? Hoping to get a text back in less than 4 hours when she's at home with their child and he's sat alone in a hotel room watching football? Bullshit.

[adaline]

Oh for goodness sake, are you always this clingy?

Why is it clingy to want to speak to your husband when you're on maternity leave with a newborn and a five year old, and said husband is sat on his own in a hotel room watching football?

[aprarl]

Hah, can you imagine?

"DH is a stay at home dad and I'm often away on business. He texts at least twice each day about the kids (nothing urgent, just things like their first swimming lesson) or about how he misses me or how his day's going. In the evenings I can't be bothered to get in touch most days, I'm tired and want to watch tv. AIBU?"

You'd be fucking slaughtered.

But no, apparently men can do whatever they want, and you should be grateful for a husband to even acknowledge you're alive, let alone actively take part in your life or your children's

[ScatteredMama82]

I don't think you're being needy. It's hard being left at home with 2 little ones. My DH is away every week mon-fri just now. We swap a few messages throughout the day, just daft chatter really. We then facetime at night so he can chat to the kids, and sometimes he'll ring me back later when the kids are in bed so we can chat properly, but if either of us is tired/busy we don't bother with that bit!

[AutumnCrow]

@aprarl yes she should be grateful he even remembers her name, according to the AIBU cool crew

[Surfingtheweb]

I don't think you are being needy, you are on your own with 2 kids & want some adult interaction & your husband to show interest in his family. That's not unreasonable at all. I think you should ask him if you could have a FaceTime each evening, you can do that with the kids too. My husband FaceTimes me or if he's busy texts me.

[Tealtights]

@aprarl nailed it.

[Cherrysoup]

Of course you’re not being needy! It’s so sad that he’s disinterested in what you and the kids say. Have you asked him to focus on you as opposed to the tv? That would really piss me off.

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

Bloody hello OP, you're looking after kids 24/7 and asking him to respond to a text within half an hour that will take him 30 seconds, while he is getting a few hours to himself.....that is not needy at all.

It would be different if your kids were much older and not needing so much time and energy themselves, or if he was only away one or two days at a time, or if he had to entertain clients in the evening and was himself always 'on'. But that's not the case, he is leaving you the entire week, and you're literally doing everything, and he cant even be bothered to give you a few minutes of his time when the TV is on.

That's poor and it's horrible he cant see how hard it is for you and horrible to be called needy for telling him how you feel

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

I say that as someone who's husband works away a fair bit but usually only for 2 -3 nights at a time. I hate it. We don't always speak just because we've never spoken much on the phone but 8f either of us want to, the other always makes the effort as otherwise you're just a weekend family.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

My DP is away a lot for business, he's been away this weekend and the only times I ever heard from him was a quick call in the evening before bed.

I don't think you're being needy, I'd like to hear from him more however I do know he's busy.

[ForalltheSaints]

Whatever happened to this thing called talking to each other on the phone, even if just for a few minutes?