To expect DH to text me a few times in the evening?

[AmeliasNoah]

DH goes away on business trips. I've just recently had our second child (ok, in January, so maybe not too recent) but I'm still on mat leave. We have an elder child who is 5. We do both send a good morning text and wish each other a good day, you know say a I miss you and love you and then we don't usually text again until the end of the day. I usually send a couple throughout the day, maybe sending something about one of the children for example "X won this at school" or similar. He usually doesn't respond to that until the end of the day, absolutely fine, he will then send a text answering what I put and saying he loves me. I then reply usually straight away, I'm at home doing nothing and he's usually in a girl doing nothing. We don't usually call as I'm usually sorting the kids but in between stuff it would be nice to just hear about his day and for me to tell him about the children. He usually won't respond again for 4 odd hours. I ask if he is busy and he says "nah just relaxing watching the football" or something similar... if I have sent a text about our children or a question, I can't understand why he would need to take 4 hours to respond, if he is just sitting in a hotel room relaxing. AIBU to think this is unfair? He thinks I'm being too needy and OTT.

[starabara]

I don’t know.
I am often away on business, and I suppose I’m not often in instant message reach.
I answer in immediate queries if I can.... but even though my evenings are not technically work time I do spend much of them either sorting shit out, or admittedly in bars with colleagues. Evenings in a hotel room alone are frighteningly depressing so I avoid them. Could he be doing likewise?

[Thatsashame]

Video call. My dh doesnt work away. He is home every evening but normally past bed times but he always video calls the kids every day. I thought that was normal... we also talk a couole of times. Normally work related but still... and we are not needy he used to work away all the time and we spoke the same then

[LizzieSiddal]

I can’t believe the replies your getting. Of course you aren’t needy! You’ve got a very young baby and he can’t be arsed to reply to a text whilst he’s watching football?

If I were you I’d tell him you want to speak to him for a few minutes every night. I also think it would be nice for your 5 year old to have a minute FaceTiming her dad.

My Dh use to work away all week and we would FaceTime for a few mins in the morning, mostly just a quick chat but the Dds really looked forward to it. Then in the evening he would phone when he’d finished work and we’d all individually have a short chat. It’s really not an arduous thing to do.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

Your 22:16 post makes him sound like a complete arse, and the 22:23 one where you say he doesn't bother replying to your 5 year old during facetime calls is shocking. Is he a complete self involved arsewipe all the time, or only when he's away?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I work away for a week at a time. DH and I wouldnt spend a lot of time texting. I work 12 hour days when I'm away and just want to veg.

However I would like to give him a quick call, occasionally we do, when we do I tell him and then don't hear anything after finishing and I say his name and he goes "oh sorry it's been a long day, I was just watching the TV" honestly all of it pisses me off is a no from me. That's very rude.

[icouldwriteabook]

You’re not being needy at all. I think the people who go away for a day/days and don’t contact/hardly speak to their partners are strange, but everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. My OH would never ignore me for 4 hours, unless he absolutely can’t answer his phone/reply to a text. We have a baby born January too but even before the baby, it’s just nice to chat when you aren’t together, nothing about neediness, if I haven’t heard for over 4 hours I just go about doing what I’m doing and know he will text me when he’s free, but that’s never regular. I would feel the same as you OP. Ps don’t ask on mumsnet again, unfortunately it’s full of people dying to disagree with everyone about everything, and if you don’t share the same opinion as them then you have issues. I stopped posting a long time ago

[LizzieSiddal]

Sort didn’t see your last post?

He won’t answer the phone to speak to you or his child? That’s really not a nice way to treat your child or wife.

What’s he like when he’s at home?

[LizzieSiddal]

*sorry

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

Until mat leave I worked away a lot for a week at a time. DH and I would speak or message occasionally but not every day and sometimes I was out with colleagues getting dinner etc and he understood that. BUT we didn't have children especially a baby a few months old, now we have DS 17 weeks and DH texts every day even though his office is walkable from our house, not at the same time every day but just to see how he's doing, or I'll send him a photo or a video and he'll message me back. If either of us was away now with such a young baby I think we'd speak in some format every day and neither of us is the clingy sort.

[CharityConundrum]

I don't think it's needy to want to share some contact with your husband if he's away. When mine is off (can be weeks at a time) I send him pictures of the kids and, if he's not actually in the throes of work, he responds even if it is just a quick 'looks fun' or similar. I think it's understandable that you want a little adult contact, especially when your baby's so young and it's easy to spend all day feeding and being slept and not much else.

Plus I think checking in your wife and kids, particularly with a new-ish born is a good reason to be in touch. I'm surprised that so many posters think that showing no interest in your family just because you're not at home is normal. I'd be gutted if my husband didn't want to know what the kids had been up to - we all miss each other when he's away so it's nice to catch up when we can.

[Harebel]

He sounds like a twat not even taking an interest in his wife and kids when is working away from home. Great set up for him to not have to worry about family life. Sorry OP. I'd honestly stop trying & I bet he'd soon be wondering why he's not heard from you.

[LizzieSiddal]

He’s really opting out of being a father. He’s not physically there so he should be making a huge effort to be incontact with his son whilst he’s away. It’s really shocking that he won’t FaceTime his son or you.

[adaline]

He sounds appalling and I'm surprised people think is behaviour is acceptable.

Being too busy is one thing, but actively ignoring his wife and child is another.

[Missingstreetlife]

I think it's best to speak, actually talk in real time on the phone or Skype. Maybe not for long, or every day but you get so much more from a call. Then you can message in between without feeling so bereft. Find a time that suits and prioritise it.

[Tiredmum100]

I don't think you're being needy. He's relaxing and you're busy looking after a baby and small child! My dh goes away with work, just recently he went for a week. He rang to say goodnight to the dc every night, then I'd say 3 our if the 5 nights rang again when they dc were asleep so we could chat. On the nights we dodint ring after the dc were in bed we were texting. I'd be annoyed too if I was you.

[AutumnCrow]

Of course you're not not being 'needy', OP. But this is AIBU ...

[AmeliasNoah]

If we are on call and our eldest asks him a question he will just be responding "mhmm" and it won't be at all relevant to the question he has asked and then he will just be "sorry I didn't hear the question" when he is blatantly just so uninterested. This is why I think we kind of moved to text because he had to actually read what I was writing.

[IncrediblySadToo]

hotel not in a girl!!!! God

Great typo!

Sadly, I’m not convinced it’s not the truth of the matter.

I hope it’s not, but I’d be completely unsurprised if it’s the truth of the situation.

[LizzieSiddal]

Whats he like with you and DD when he’s at home?

[Mummyshark2018]

My dh travels to Far East regularly. I work full time so really with time differences there's about 1 hour in the day when we could speak but usually don't. Probably text 2-3 times a day.

[AmeliasNoah]

At home he's actually pretty good. He doesn't do much with us as a family but he will help with bedtimes but usually it's still very much work work and work.

[Dixierun]

Definitely needy.....of your DHs conversation/opinion/contact. It is so isolating when you have young DC and your sounding board/OH is "unavailable". For him not to reply to eldest DC during convo is in my books unforgivable. Everybody needs downtime but family needs to come first.

[crimsonlake]

Not needy as such, but your dh is supposedly away for work and his mind is likely being occupied in a different way to yours. However, I suspect when he tells you he is watching tv he may actually be socialising with colleagues.

[Foreverexhausted]

No you're not being needy OP!

The problem with MN is there will be lots of responses telling you you're being needy, of course your DH should be able to go away on business/stag weekend/lads holiday etc without contacting you and of course he should be able to go to lap dancing clubs etc.....! But that isn't how most people in real life see it!

If he was based somewhere remote (my Ex BF dad was in special forces so would disappear for weeks and his mum didn't even know where he had gone) or was working flat out that would be one thing but if he;s sitting watching football or relaxing in a bat then he has time to contact you! And I would expect him to and I would be hurt if he didn't and that's without having a relatively new (3 months is very tiny) baby.

You're normal OP despite what some on MN might say.

[ALLMYSmellySocks]

Yeah if she's gone for a week I'd want more communication than one or two texts a day, especially if he's just relaxing in a hotel room watching footie!