I don’t think the man is being an evil bastard or deliberately rude. I think he’s probably a nice man but a really unsuitable choice of partner for somebody like the op. Probably unsuitable for anyone at the minute. He was betrayed by his LTP and split with her ten months ago and he is now trying to co-parent with her. Total head fuck.
I’m sure he’s not a bad man, but I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole personally! “Run away”, would be my thoughts, as a pp said.
I think people’s expectations of how new (female) partners should behave when they meet a man with a young child from a previous relationship are, understandably, very high. I honestly think you would need to be a very selfless and settled person to be able to say, “ok, I’m putting my needs completely to one side here because his child needs him now”. And when her parents have just gone through what mustn’t have been a terribly nice separation, new ‘stepdad’ on the scene, when she’s only five? Need him she does!
I know people do it and I think they’re amazing. I know women who have taken on stepchildren and said they will sacrifice having the chance to ever have their own, as they know the existing dcs need their dad too much to introduce another baby into the mix. Some of those people (not all) then have great relationships with their stepchildren. It’s absolutely wonderful, but you need to be willing and prepared to do it. And I know I wouldn’t.
That makes me a worse human being I think, and I totally admire anyone who does it. But at least I know my limits!