To wonder what working parents are meant to do in school holidays?

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

DD1 starts school in September. DP and I both work because we can't afford for either one of us to be off. I have applied for part time but my work have been spectacularly backward and refused point blank, which is a whole other thread. I am looking for another job but work in a very specific field in a very specific industry so it's not looking likely that I'll get something, much less part time.
DD1 school have a before and after school club which is over subscribed so she won't get in for the first year. We have scrabbled around and managed to cover the week with GPs and a childminder.
So on to the holidays. DD1 will have 13 weeks off school a year. Between us, me and DP will have just under 10 weeks holiday. AIBU to think that if the govt wants parents (particularly mothers) to work then there needs to be better holiday provision? I'm not blindingly sure what working parents are expected to do after 3pm every day and for the 13 weeks children are off in the year. At the moment all our holiday days will be spent covering time off school and we won't be able to have a holiday together as a family.

Childminders, holiday clubs,dh and I have one year where we have one week off together then the next year we have 2 weeks together and take the hit on childcare. Children are expensive - I have 3.

It was this problem that made us switch to having an au pair when our son started school. Holidays (half terms, Inset days, full Easter/Summer/Christmas holidays, bank holidays) are roughly every 6 weeks. We are lucky now that in recent years, we’ve had help from grandparents... BUT I don’t like to rely on that, I prefer them to offer a few days here and there rather than assuming they will. Holiday clubs are alright, but you’re still assuming that a) the club will be any good and b) the child won’t get ill at any point.

People usually are shocked when I tell them we have an au pair (“what!? Someone living with you!? Ooooh I couldn’t, I just couldn’t!”) but it’s actually a great way of ensuring that DS has fun during the holidays (they usually go out a few times a week around London to explore/have lunch/go to an exhibition etc), sometimes they might have a play date with another family or host one at ours, sometimes they just hang out at home. My son is 9 this year and is an only child, and it’s been great because all the girls (apart from loving him to death!) have been like big sisters to him. It’s definitely something you could look into long term. I’d recommend it to anyone who works FT and dreads the constant juggle.

As Heatherjayne wrote on P1

“You do what the rest of us do
Juggle annual leave
Holiday clubs
childminders
Shared care with other friends or family
Some are lucky enough to have willing and able grandparents available

That’s what everyone else does”

Or..... become a teacher yourself!

You will then only have a few days of non-matching holiday to cope with.

I took mine in during holidays when I had work to do that couldn’t be done at home. Big rooms to cycle round in, time to paint, make stuff etc.

Whilst a teacher doesn’t really get 12 weeks off a year you do get 12 weeks of increased flexibility compared to the rigidity of the other 40.

How poor would the health and/or relationships in your family have to be for all 4 grandparents to be dead, demented or otherwise completely unavailable for childcare when your children are young?

Wow! Have you not thought about Grandparents being older, not in same location, or still working etc

How poor would the health and/or relationships in your family have to be for all 4 grandparents to be dead, demented or otherwise completely unavailable for childcare when your children are young?

Wow. Just wow.

I'll let my 80+ year old inlaws know that they should be younger and fitter so they can help us. Oh, and not live 6 hours away from us.

I'll let my dad know that cancer was his fault and he shouldn't have died.

I'll let my mom know that she should have dropped everything and moved country illegally to come look after my children.

I'll let my friend know that that drunk driver had no right to kill her dad ... he had future grandchildren to look after, after all!

Wanker.

This is why I'm not sure DP and I can ever have children. Both work full time and both sets parents live at the opposite end of the country to us. There's no way we could afford nearly a grand a month child care. Honestly, unless you're a teacher or live local to parents, how do people do it?!

Good grief JennyinGucci, you sound an absolute delight.

I’ll be sure to let my children know that when they’re looking for a life partner they should make sure their parents has them late in life so that once they have children of their own the grandparents will have retired already. I’ll also ensure the proposed grandparents have a thorough medical.

Terribly sorry that my father and DH’s both died years ago from cancer, and DH’s mother was disabled and dead before I met him too. Unfortunately my mother is disabled too. But don’t worry, at least I wasn’t thick enough to move away from my home town.

Everyone is right in saying school is not childcare. The problem is the assumption that it's the women's job to find an answer and there's no standard provision for it. It is a shock moving to school hours and finding out how inadequate the wrap-around coverage is. It's not even a question of cost - it's if you can get the childminder or playscheme place to start with.

There is this massive assumption that family can help or one of the parents can drop their hours. That's not helpful if you are a single parent, have a disabled child, live away from family or a multitude of other circumstances that other posters have described.

It truly sucks. I have gone freelance for this reason - something had to give and I valued my mental health and my kids happiness over a high wage.

FFS Stinkytoe READ the thread.

I imagine these things appear and disappear pretty quickly so there may well be good provision at the time your child is conceived but not when your child is 5.

Often they do. This is why so many of the posts berating OP for not planning are missing the point. I mean yes, the 13 week school holidays should not be a shock to anyone. OP was remiss not to have figured that out. But the idea that you can research local provision thoroughly before TTC and this knowledge will automatically see you right for the next dozen years is fanciful.

It's a nightmare alright. We use a childminder but it means we have to take leave whenever she goes on holiday. Plus of course it's £££s.

I’ve read the thread, thanks 😘

I think people expect to be paying out for care, they just expect it to be less shit

Easiest thing to do is find a good childminder.

I'm a CM. I'm open 7.30am to 6.30pm. I have babies from 6 months, have them through primary school, cover teacher training days and school holidays, go to special assemblies, provide emergency dress up and home cooked meals.
So long as children go on to 'my' school/preschool then there's no need to change childcare at 4.

Stinky you are deliberately misunderstanding the entire post.

Agree that wraparound and holiday care is inconsistent. Our school does now provide it, but it finishes at 4.30 which is useless if you work full-time. A fair few of the holiday schemes are only part time as well. And the ones that are full time you have to get in quick and book as soon as they start taking bookings. You have to do this every holiday ie six times a year, every year, for years and your children will be spending their time with a shifting set of cohorts and group leaders.

How poor would the health and/or relationships in your family have to be for all 4 grandparents to be dead, demented or otherwise completely unavailable for childcare when your children are young?

What an incredibly insensitive thing to say

My mum died in September, I have no relationship with my dad as she was a single mum
My partner's dad died two years ago
His mum has severe mental health issues and can't be trusted to look after herself let alone a kid!

Obviously I should have factored all this in before daring to have a family of my own

You can kindly eff off.

Luvkil

luckily DD is past all that.
We had no holiday clubs near us and all the ones we could find were 9-4 so not very useful and when they get to 9-10 they really have outgrown the activities on offer.
Sharing with other parents helps,childminder may take them for a few days and you use your annual leave.

We take leave, are lucky that GP cover a few days for us and unpaid leave if really necessary. It's tough. DH and I don't get much time off together but it's not forever.

Some people on this thread are living in a fantasy world, and have clearly zero actual experience of childcare. I can't find a child care provider who can tell me availability for this August, never mind further into the future.

I’m not deliberately understanding anything, the Op is whinging that the government haven’t made adequate provision for children’s holiday care.

I fail to see why it is the governments issue when they’ve enough other, more important stuff, to deal with.

OP says she and her partner are financially sound. They should take some of the unpaid leave that the government has made provision for them to have.

How poor would the health and/or relationships in your family have to be for all 4 grandparents to be dead, demented or otherwise completely unavailable for childcare when your children are young?

My Mum had me when she was 34. I had my DD when I was 40. I am now 47 so both grandparents are in their 80s. My late DH's father is dead and my late DH's Mum doesn't live near us and isn't interested in helping out.

Jenny - unfortunately, life is not always straightforward. Sounds like you are very lucky.