Wanting an elective c-section

[Moonchild1987]

I am not planning on having a child till 2021 and will be ttc next june. My issue is I am not sure I can give birth naturally or if I even should. My mother keeps saying when the time comes I should opt to have a csection, her reason being that i am of a smaller frame like she was and not exactly athletic. I do also suspect I might have fibro or at least show almost all the symptoms. I have been to the gp for 3 years and and still not been able to find a source why my body hurts every winter, why I struggle with energy, that the cold actually makes my sick, also anything fried or spicy is a game of russian roulette for me, all this on top of migraines every 2 months.

My mother gave birth to me naturally and she said it took her 6 months to regain her strength and I don't think she ever fully recovered. All this and hearing how painful it was on her body has made me absolutely petrified. She is worried me going through the same thing she did so is very keen on me taking her advice.

My problem is that i hear there are health benefits for the child giving birth naturally but do wonder if she might have a point in saying giving birth naturally would be at the cost of my own health. I spoke to DP about this and he has said he is supportive of me no matter which option I chose and he will back me 100%. I know the doctor will talk me through this closer to the time but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body.

@TurquoiseDress thank you for the advice. I have every intention of going private and feel lucky to be in a position to do so as it means I would be able to get a c section or waterbirth without jumping through hoops.

I will try to take your advice about not worrying to heart and try though I know my nature is to worry which is why I am trying to at least somewhat make my mind up and have it sorted before being pregnant

@Hugtheduggee thank you so much for sharing your experience it is nice to see women recovering well from both and also seeing that risks remain no matter which one I pick

I think if you have a history of worrying about things then your mum shouldn’t have brought up her own issues before you have even conceived. I had 2 c sections with no complications.

@Blondebakingmumma I believe it came with good intentions. I am glad to hear people can have c sections with no complications and am glad you were one of them 😊

I think you would get a lot from reading a hypnobirthing book, and reading it now rather than when you get pregnant. If you’re rolling your eyes already, bear with me! I promise I’m not some natural birth fanatic trying to talk you into have a home birth - I gave birth in a hospital with an epidural, currently pregnant with my second and planning to do the same again.

But, I read Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan when I was pregnant the first time, and it took away all of my anxiety about giving birth. I was having horrific graphic dreams about it, I couldn’t really focus on the concept of “the baby” or bring myself to look at prams or cots because I was convinced I was going to die in childbirth...

The book helped in two ways. Firstly it helped me understand how childbirth actually works, when different hormones are released and what purpose they serve, what contractions actually are etc. Embarrassed to say I was 31 and pregnant and didn’t know any of that stuff.

Secondly, she writes about the anxiety about birth that we get from society, from the older women in our family telling us stories, from what we see in films and tv shows - from what you’ve said about your mum I think you’d get a lot from reading that section.

Ultimately you might still decide you would like an elective c-section and I believe it’s totally your right to do that, but I think you’ll feel better about the decision if you can make it in a more informed and less anxious frame of mind.

(Full disclosure the book is quite American and I had to skip over/disregard some of the cheesier sections. There are more recent hypnobirthing books and ones written by British practitioners that might be less cheesy, I haven’t read any others so can’t recommend a specific one)

See, I don't understand how hynobirthing can help with actually removing the fear. Like you, I am convinced I will be either horrifically injured from, or die in childbirth. You only have to read enough hear to see how horribly most women seem to have it, plus I have a friend who's a midwife, so maybe I just hear enough horror stories.

I can't imagine reading enough information that could stop me from replying, Yes, that lovely, but ultimately, the risks ARE STILL THERE, whatever knowledge you have of your body. Like, it won't stop shoulder dystocia, or a doctor using high rotational forceps, or tears so bad you have to have a cholostomy bag fitted, or heart failure during birth, etc etc. Plus it appears like currently in the UK, nobody seems to be looked after very well by medical professionals whilst in labour, or are encouraged to stay at home for ages and ages, away from the staff and equipment that they may well desperately need.

I just feel that at least if it's a c section, I am handing it over to a team of professionals who know exactly what they're doing, in a controlled environment where the unexpected exists to a lesser degree.

From my experience it will be easier to guarantee an ELCS thanba water birth.

It seems to me that you are listening soley your mum's experience. But your mum is not you. Just because she found giving birthday a certain way doesn't mean you will too. My sister and me are very similarly built yet she ended up popping out 2 kids with ease naturally yet I had 4 c-cections with mine.

I would say don't go down the section route if you want a large family. Every time they cut into you new scar tissue is created (and then you get adhesions where your insides become stuck together), this happened to me by the 3rd. The next section is then more difficult with complications more likely. Please just do your research!

The issue with childbirth is that it's the great unknown. You could have a straightforward vaginal birth, be home in six hours and no lasting issues. Or you could have a horrendous labour with lifelong birth injuries.

Before having my DD, I was terrified of a section. But having had it and thankfully finding recovery very easy, and reading on here stories of women who are suffering urinary and faecal incontinence years later, part of me is actually glad I ended up with a section. I was also disproportionately frightened of injuries to the baby, such as losing oxygen or shoulder dystocia.

But then again, if DD hadn't have been in distress, I might have had a straightforward vaginal delivery with no lasting issues, and that would have been preferable to a section, even though I've found mine very easy. As it is, I'll always have a scar and probably always have have an overhang on my tummy. We aren't planning any more children so that's not a consideration for me, but multiple sections come with their own risks too.

There's no right answer really, as people will have horror stories about both methods. Childbirth has an element of luck about it - you can prepare as much as you like, but sometimes things are taken out of your hands.

Just a reference to the small frame thing. I’m a size 6 and have had both an induction and a section. There was no mention at any stage to my size being an issue. I only had a section the second time because the placenta was stopping to function properly so they had to get baby out early at 35 weeks.

As others have said - it’s so far away and I think your mother has scared you to death with her one experience which is unlikely to reflect yours.

My doctor told me that the size of the woman is irrelevant when it comes to how easy or difficult a birth is - what makes a difference is whether she has a wide or narrow birth canal, and height/size of woman has no bearing on this, so from looking at a woman (even yourself!) you can't tell how easy or difficult a natural birth will be. So for example I am a tall size 12 woman, not small at all, but my doctor discovered that I have a narrow birth canal which could have made birth more difficult (although in the end it was fine).

Your mother shouldn't be pushing you towards a C-section or (it seems) frightening you like this! Every woman is nervous about birth and you don't need this added pressure when you're not even pregnant yet! Why not wait until you're pregnant and see what the doctor - a professional who will be able to tell you specifics about your body and your baby - says?

I had always thought I would prefer a C-section (and I am currently an expat in a country where the decision is 100% up to the woman unless there is any serious health reason for one or the other, due to all healthcare being private, and the C-section rate is much higher than in most parts of the world) but when I spoke to my doctor when I was actually pregnant I asked him what he would choose, having been in his profession for nearly 30 years, and having seen so many women who opt for both natural and C-sections. He said the idea that a C-section is the easy option is a total myth, its major surgery which puts a huge strain on your body and the healing process is long and painful. He said unless a C-section was necessary for mother or baby health, he would never choose it. It's definitely not the easy way out that some people act like it is!

So if you need a C-section, go for it. If you don't, don't. Or do, if you feel like it. But talk to professionals first, find out about what would be best for you and your baby, and don't let you mother (or strangers on the internet!) pressure you into something that only you can decide (with the help of a professional)

I think you need counselling about your fear of childbirth before trying to conceive. Unless you are absolutely tiny with a small pelvis (straight up and down no hips) you should be fine.

@Jackshouse
Statistically a c section is more dangerous than a vaginal birth and the recovery is not ‘easier’ at all
Sorry but both of these statements are incorrect.

C- sections have different risks to vaginal births, but neither is definitively more dangerous than the other. You need to weigh up the risks to both mother and baby and then decide which set of risks you are most comfortable with.

Also recovery from am easy straightforward vaginal birth will tend to be quicker than a recovery from a C-section, but once complications arise then it becomes much less clear cut.

It may have changed but when I was pregnant 12/13 years ago the NICE guidelines stated women are entitled to an assessment if they have psychological issues around giving birth naturally and they can be approved to have an elective C on these issues without there being a physical reason. I know because my friend was in a similar boat and I googled it, she had the assessment, she was giving an elective c.

I think it depends on the hospital ittakes2, but I do think that if anyone is really prepared to push for a CS they will get one. But it’s whether that is the best choice for the op. I think they offer counselling and you can go along to VBAC talks (even if you’ve never had a baby) to help you gather information, but ultimately if you are hell bent on a CS, you will probably get one.

Having had both a VB and a perfectly fine CS, I still don’t know why anyone would be hell bent on a CS if they didn’t need it*.

*“need it” includes needing it because you are truly phobic of VB or because it would affect your MH to not have a CS.