Wanting an elective c-section

[Moonchild1987]

I am not planning on having a child till 2021 and will be ttc next june. My issue is I am not sure I can give birth naturally or if I even should. My mother keeps saying when the time comes I should opt to have a csection, her reason being that i am of a smaller frame like she was and not exactly athletic. I do also suspect I might have fibro or at least show almost all the symptoms. I have been to the gp for 3 years and and still not been able to find a source why my body hurts every winter, why I struggle with energy, that the cold actually makes my sick, also anything fried or spicy is a game of russian roulette for me, all this on top of migraines every 2 months.

My mother gave birth to me naturally and she said it took her 6 months to regain her strength and I don't think she ever fully recovered. All this and hearing how painful it was on her body has made me absolutely petrified. She is worried me going through the same thing she did so is very keen on me taking her advice.

My problem is that i hear there are health benefits for the child giving birth naturally but do wonder if she might have a point in saying giving birth naturally would be at the cost of my own health. I spoke to DP about this and he has said he is supportive of me no matter which option I chose and he will back me 100%. I know the doctor will talk me through this closer to the time but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body.

@VioletCharlotte I am glad you can do that I really am. It's good to hear it does not have to be traumatic

I have fibro and my hips are tiny and boy like, I’d never been above a size 6 before I got pregnant and I carried 2 massive babies and birthed them fine and very easily. Obviosuly purely anecdotal but I would worry about that, the doctors will tel you if they think you’re too small but I don’t think they will. Your mum is being absolutely ridiculous to put this fear on you! So unfair and not kind at all

@TheDarkPassenger I do think my mum is doing it out of love as she worries I will likely have the same kind of traumatic experience. I guess like any parent she just wants to protect me any way she can

No nobody is unreasonable for wanting an ELCS even if it’s for reasons deemed ‘not medical’. Your body and your choice and all that.

I would get all the facts and research as much as possible though. There are so many factors that will help influence your decision.

With my 1st pregnancy baby stayed breech for a long time and an ELCS was looking like a very real possibility. I was terrified at the prospect due to all the scaremongering you get around c-sections. I was so relieved when he turned at the last second. However, my induced birth turned into a very scary emergency c-section which I believe was much harder in every way than that ELCS would have been. Afterwards when I looked at the statistics I realised that my status as a 1st-time mum and my age meant that induced labour was more likely to end in an EMCS than a VB. If I’d known then I would have had an ELCS anyway! Especially since we were ‘one and done’ baby wise.

Because of health issues I assumed I would be having a c section, but it was decided to see how it went. ( I had at time of first pregnancy a high risk condition but was happy to try natural)
I have small pelvis and back then was of slight build. My mum was so worried she did not want me to have children, but I discussed all with gp . I had 2 natural deliveries . Both short.and both babies were a fair size.
A friend scared the life out of me 10 days before I gave birth and I wondered if. I should have a c section.
But no my both pregnancies and births were different.
You are not your mum and things have changed. Enjoy things when they happen. It's not that bad . Honest.
I didn't tell my mum I was in hospital until after both babies were born . That was our time. Good wishes and relax

@angelunderneath thank you so much for sharing. God that must have been so scary. I am sorry about that. It really is frustrating when you know better afterwards and would have made different choices.

@Cryalot2 thank you so much for sharing and the advice. Really appreciate it

If, when you are pregnant and you've spoken to your midwife, you decide on a section then you will/should be able to have one - enlist an advocate if you feel you're not being listened too.
But. I've had 2 sections. 1 for a breech and the other because my baby got stuck. I'm 6ft and I'm told pelivs size is directly related to the size of your feet and my (very dainty) size 10s would suggest I've got a whopping pelvis! My sister on the other hand is a teeny-tiny lady and she sneezed her baby out.
My recovery was not easy, particually from the second one.
Every woman is different, even in the same family. So try not to worry about what happened to your mum, it's not you. However. It's what's in your head now so please talk to someone about it, at least a midwife when you are pregnant - don't let it become such a huge thing that your fears about giving birth become a self-fullfilling prophecy

Statistically a c section is more dangerous than a vaginal birth and the recovery is not ‘easier’ at all.

If you want an elcs then go for it but make sure you are making an informed decision.

@Boom45 thank you so much for the advice. I certainly look into having a professional talk me through these things latest by next year.

I had spesis after my EMCS and it took me nearly two years to feel ‘normal’ again. Pregnancy is hard on your body so no matter how you deliver your baby it’s going to take a long time to get back to something like normal.

@Jackshouse I am very much aware that it is not the easy option. I am trying to do as much research as I can about both options.

There is a list of the relative risks of both some where on the royal college of obestrians website. On thing to be aware of is if you have a c section then future vaginal births are slightly more risky.

@Jackshouse I do know if c-section is adviced against I will at least insist on a water birth. Warm water is the only thing that makes me not be in discomfort and pain during the colder months so I will not budge on not getting either of the options I know at least that much of my mind is made up

If you do have Fibro - you will need to think about this carefully as surgery and trauma is often cited as being a risk factor for Fibro flares. Fibro suffers feel more post surgical pain, can have slower healing and may have difficulty with some types of pain killers commonly used for post surgical patients.

I have Fibro, EDS and ME/CFS and had high risk pregnancies. However I delivered both vaginally.

@Lunde thank you so much for the info. This has certainly given me food for thought and will take that into careful consideration

Hi OP,

I had an elective cesarean due to tokophobia, I mentioned it to the consultant on my first appointment. He said if I still felt the same way to come back to him at 24wks. I had to see a senior midwife in Birth choices before this to discuss my fears with her. I did a FOI request for birth statistics at my hospital,l and print out the NICE guidelines. Surprisingly I didn't need any of it, they were a lot more understanding than I thought. I has my cesarean, it went really well, I have no regrets. Good luck

@Alicesweewonders I am so happy to hear you had a good experience through the whole process and thank you so much

OP I am super slender and petite (size 0-2UK), I gave birth no problem. Didn't find the experience traumatic at all. But if you have anxiety about it, talk to your midwife or OB and see what they suggest when you're pregnant. Not much point in worrying between now and then.

Another one here who had an ELCS and I recovered really well, I think I stopped all painkillers about 3 days later as I didn't really need them.

I was also very grateful I chose a CS as my placenta was in absolute bits so wasn't really nourishing anymore, but it never got picked up.

I think your mum was nasty to terrify you about childbirth. Is she always controlling with you? I think your dr would be better to advise you on birthing options than your mum

YANBU

However, it sounds that any potential pregnancy is a relatively long way off in the future, although there is no harm in thinking some things at the moment.

It does sound as if it'd worth speaking with your/a (sympathetic) GP- going for some sort of pre-natal counselling might be worthwhile

As it goes, the NHS will most definitely carry out an elective CS for maternal request, you may have to jump through some hoops first, but it is possible.

My DC1 was born via elective CS for maternal request- saw the consultant, she booked me in for a date, then had to see another consultant as it was hospital protocol.

I also had to see a consultant psychiatrist to check I was of sound mind to make this decision- it lasted all of 10 minutes and he gave me the seal of approval for a CS

If the initial consultant refuses, you then must be referred to another consultant who will agree to the procedure. If the entire hospital or Trust is 'no go zone' for maternal request CS, then you will need to find another hospital who is agreeable.

Last resort is to go private, but with the NICE guidelines you can usually get agreement to an elective CS, but it may take some time.

I was very lucky that my local London teaching hospital made my first CS a very straightforward process to organise.

The birth and my subsequent recovery were complication free, DC1 was in perfect health. DC2 was born last year via CS, again no complications and v healthy- recovery was better than first time round.

By comparison to one of my good friends who had a "natural" birth- she had a protracted and uncomfortable recovery, birth centre initially followed by failed ventouse, forceps with episiotomy and a severe 3rd degree tear (had a couple of postpartum surgeries for this)

But you could say that I was simply lucky and she was unlucky.

What I do know, is that all I've written is a reflection of the fact that an elective CS was absolutely the right mode of delivery for me.

When the time comes, you will need to think more seriously about what is the right way for you, try not to get too stressed out about it at the moment. Also, when you are eventually pregnant, you want to be able to enjoy this amazing process

Good luck!

Another who had a very positive experience with my elcs. I've had more painful periods and was totally back to normal in a couple of weeks.

Most of my friends with vaginal births had a far longer recovery time than me.

Whist a perfect vaginal birth will be easier to recover from than a section, most ftm's do not get that perfect birth. 90% tear or are cut, for example, lots of people end up with forceps, ventose or an emergency section (which are harder to recover from).

By 6 weeks after my section, my old symptom was a slight bruised feeling if I poked my tummy really, really hard.

@Blondebakingmumma I have a very close relationship with my mum. She is not so much controlling as to just wanting to give me advice from her own experience something surely any parent does.

@Rtmhwales I do tend to over worry and like to have a plan for eveeything before I am in the situation so I am fully prepared but I do understand your point 😊