Wanting an elective c-section

[Moonchild1987]

I am not planning on having a child till 2021 and will be ttc next june. My issue is I am not sure I can give birth naturally or if I even should. My mother keeps saying when the time comes I should opt to have a csection, her reason being that i am of a smaller frame like she was and not exactly athletic. I do also suspect I might have fibro or at least show almost all the symptoms. I have been to the gp for 3 years and and still not been able to find a source why my body hurts every winter, why I struggle with energy, that the cold actually makes my sick, also anything fried or spicy is a game of russian roulette for me, all this on top of migraines every 2 months.

My mother gave birth to me naturally and she said it took her 6 months to regain her strength and I don't think she ever fully recovered. All this and hearing how painful it was on her body has made me absolutely petrified. She is worried me going through the same thing she did so is very keen on me taking her advice.

My problem is that i hear there are health benefits for the child giving birth naturally but do wonder if she might have a point in saying giving birth naturally would be at the cost of my own health. I spoke to DP about this and he has said he is supportive of me no matter which option I chose and he will back me 100%. I know the doctor will talk me through this closer to the time but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body.

I know someone who is quite small and she gave birth to an 11lb baby perfectly naturally at home (planned home birth) with no complications.

Similarly, my TEENY sil, gave birth to a 10lb baby at home with no problems. All her babies have been big, while she is small and very slim, but she has had textbook, straightforward births with all of them.

I’m tall and bigger framed, but can’t seem to manage my perfectly average sized babies. There is no rhyme or reason.

I also think your mum is projecting her own anxieties on to you, which is not helpful at all.

6 months is pretty good to be back to normal after child birth, the advice to space pregnancies by a couple of years gives you an idea how long a woman's body takes to recover.

Surely the size of the pelvis doesn't matter too much as the pelvis separates before birth? I'm currently pregnant with my second and can feel my pelvis is so much wider than it usually is. It's as if all my muscles holding me together have given up and turned to jelly! Very uncomfortable now but I'm sure I'll be thankful for this in a few months

@FrowningFlamingo I mean I have always been unfit. I struggle to breath just running for 2 minutes and after a one hour walk my body already feels like I need a nap and will be in pain the rest of the day.

I had a semi elective c section (I was given no choice at the 11th hour due to an undiagnosed breech baby).

My wound split open after 2 weeks, it was infected. I'm still numb nearly 2 years later on the right side from my belly button to the scar. I have a flap of skin just above the scar that hangs over it slightly. I couldn't get on and off the sofa or in and out of bed without being in agony.

No one told me I'd have to inject myself to stop blood clots for 10 days after the birth. I couldn't laugh for a few days after because they tear your stomach muscles. I didn't drive for three weeks because it was too painful.

When I finished the dihydrocodiene prescrived for the pain I had horrendous headaches.

I don't think a section is the walk in the park that people expect it to be. I also wouldn't even worry about it if you arent even pregnant yet.

@BloodyDisgrace Thank you so much for your lovely words. I am lucky that I do have a supportive partner who will back me and stand by me no matter what option I pick

@Yorkshirepudding1987 omg i am so sorry and shocked to hear that :( i am sorry it was so rough on you.

@GreenTeacup Thank you so much I will take your advice and look into that option just so I am more prepared no matter which option I end up going with

My mum had 2 c-sections and I had a vaginal (instrumental) birth.
I think your mum May be suffering from some sort of ptsd?! Her going on like this to you seems odd.
I have nothing against c-sections and might opt for one next time but most women can give birth vaginally. Your pelvis size doesn't matter.

Thank you so much for all the advice. I will try to gently tell my mum that her telling me how bad it was for her makes me very scared to go through the same thing and that I appriciate and i know she means well but things are very different now. Also my DP is very supportive and promised to help around the house which should speed up recovery more then her. I feel so bad for her. She was too weak to have a say what name I took though she did not hate it and also too weak to put up a fight if I was to be baptised or not. very much the first year it was all my dad and mainly my grans wishes being respected

Just want to add for the OP or anybody reading. I've had a vaginal birth and 2 planned c sections. I would take the c sections any day! I had a by far easier recovery when everybody told me horror stories there were next to no positive ones.
I needed the c section as apparently my pelvis is too small to push out babies (consultant told me this) my first baby was stuck and rapidly losing oxygen. I've been told this can happen again and again and in extreme cases cause death so it's better just to do a section in my case

But for every person who says that sections are a walk in the park there's someone who says the opposite.
I had one and ended up with a severe infection, long stay in hospital, further surgery and PTSD.

Anyway, op you mum must stop scaring you like this. She's clearly very traumatised by your birth but you are not her and will not have the same experience as her. One person might find a section easier another might find natural birth easier. Don't let her scare you like this.

Try to speak to a counsellor or your GP.

Honestly, no one can answer this for you. I had three natural deliveries with medically big babies and two of those deliveries were hugely traumatic. I opted for a c-section with DC4 and it was the most pleasant experience out of the bunch by far! I was back on my feet after a week or so which isn’t so different from a natural delivery tbh, in fact I was ill for a lot longer after the first two births.

I don’t think I’d have opted for a CS the first time because I figured ‘natural’ was best but transpires my body doesn’t labour very well... Everyone is different though, I think most deliveries go without hitch. I wouldn’t be put off a vaginal delivery purely because you’re slim. Many slim women birth large babies and are fine.

OP, if your mum is interfering with how you may or may not give birth in two years and being frankly odd about it you’re in for a rough ride. This will just be the start of it: you’ll have absolutely everything scrutinised.

Nip it in the bud and refuse to engage in any conversation about this scenario that has yet to arise. It has literally nothing to do with your dm.

Your mum is just making you frightened, it sounds like she’s still got some sort of ptsd. My mil was a bit like this when I got pregnant with my first child, telling me about her terrible birth story, terrible recovery on loop during my pregnancy, I quite honestly didn’t need to hear it.

I wouldn’t be worrying about getting a baby out before I’ve even got one in there, maybe focus on getting pregnant first.

Just another thing along with what everyone else has said:
Generally speaking, if there’s no other medical issues at play which could cause an abnormally large baby (gestational diabetes for example), your body will not grow a baby that it cannot birth. The “narrow pelvis” thing was pedalled by lots of doctors back in the day and has since been proven wrong. They also used to think that your shoe size had an impact on how wide your pelvis is
I’m a petite person (5’3”, 8 stone when not pregnant) and I’ve had 2 babies vaginally with no pain relief and no complications. A close friend of mine is smaller than me and she gave birth to a 10lb 5oz baby without so much as a graze on the lady area!
Every birth is different, and your mum really needs to stop instilling these fears! You are not your mum, and her experience most likely won’t be what you experience!

I’m short, petite, have CFS / ME and was definitely unfit when I had my first baby! I’ve delivered all four vaginally, the first needed a ventouse but she was back-to-back and I needed a bit of help.

I would guess it’s taken me 6 weeks to feel up to doing anything much (pretty standard) and probably between 4-6 months before I felt like my old self again which I’d say is pretty normal.

All of my labours were very, very different to my mum’s. I really don’t think her labour experience means you will be the same.

Oh and I forgot to say all my babies were just over 8lbs.

They're not just going to give you a C-section because your mum said so!

Tbh, you won't know how you feel until you're pregnant and look at all the option. Giving birth is fairly terrible and everyone is always ready to tell you the horror stories, you rarely hear that it was manageable or ok!

Sorry but someone else pregnancy even someone your related to is absolutely nothing to do with yours.
Ignore your mum ! ! Just take it as it comes - see how things go with an open mind.

Having done a lot of research into c-sections and vaginal births it is pretty clear that there is no definitive safest or "best" way to give birth. You basically have to assess the two sets of risks and decide which you feel happiest with.

In terms of recovery then there will always be those women that pretty much bounce back from birth (c-sections and vaginal) and those that suffer long term effects that can be life altering. You don't know which category you will fall into and that's why PP telling you that they birthed a 12lb baby with barely a scratch or me telling you my c-sections were relatively straightforward is unhelpful. I think your mother is keen to share her experience of birth with you as she may have found it incredibly shocking and traumatic. Vaginal birth is so often pushed as the "correct" way to have a baby and maybe your mother really wants to emphasise to you that you have a choice and she would personally choose a section of she had her time again.

At the time my elcs seemed easier v a 2 day labour with ds1 and a 4th degree tear. However, my birth injuries from ds1 are no more, whereas 7 years later I've still got nerve damage and pain in my cs scar that might have been fixed with an op, or made worse.

In the nicest way, ignore your mum, afaik the only thing that can't give birth naturally due to its build is a bulldog. Wait til the time comes then discuss it.

Thank you so much for all the comfort. Also glad to hear that pp in similar body situations have been able to give birth natrually. It has made me feel more relaxed that it is possible and I do have a choice which I can weigh up the pros and cons along with the probability that I can make the choice I feel is right for me

Cesarean is a long term solution for a short moment in life. Labour. I had no idea how much of a major op it was until I had an emergancy section and had the gynae physio come out to see me and discuss what can/cant do. She said with a straight forward section things arent fully revovered until a year later. And advised I wait minimum or 3 ideally more years before getting pregnant again.

I think I had it fairly straight forward. Pain for a week. Then just odd twinges now. Im only 9wks in though. But my entire middle and pelvic area is totally completely numb. As they cut through the nerves too. As well as no core strength at all. As in struggle to stand up from a chair with out using arms or hoisting self up. I have gone really weak. But everyone keeps telling me I had a really straight forward easy recovery.

I am 5"2 & was a size 4/6 before pregnancy and only gained 1.5st in pregnancy. I was considered high risk for a few reasons. My size wasnt one of them. Not one person ever suggested I was to small for a vaginal birth. I saw the consultant due to low bmi which is common place now. Where they talk you through such things.

I think you need to speak to someone who can advise you and council you through it once youre actually pregnant.

Oh my emergancy section was not to do with my size it was fetal destress and my heart doing strange things.