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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting an elective c-section

115 replies

Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 14:37

I am not planning on having a child till 2021 and will be ttc next june. My issue is I am not sure I can give birth naturally or if I even should. My mother keeps saying when the time comes I should opt to have a csection, her reason being that i am of a smaller frame like she was and not exactly athletic. I do also suspect I might have fibro or at least show almost all the symptoms. I have been to the gp for 3 years and and still not been able to find a source why my body hurts every winter, why I struggle with energy, that the cold actually makes my sick, also anything fried or spicy is a game of russian roulette for me, all this on top of migraines every 2 months.

My mother gave birth to me naturally and she said it took her 6 months to regain her strength and I don't think she ever fully recovered. All this and hearing how painful it was on her body has made me absolutely petrified. She is worried me going through the same thing she did so is very keen on me taking her advice.

My problem is that i hear there are health benefits for the child giving birth naturally but do wonder if she might have a point in saying giving birth naturally would be at the cost of my own health. I spoke to DP about this and he has said he is supportive of me no matter which option I chose and he will back me 100%. I know the doctor will talk me through this closer to the time but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body.

OP posts:
NotSoThinLizzy · 05/04/2019 17:28

My mum had 3 sections with us kids I've had all mine without so it is possible. Dont worry to much you've got loads of time

B3ck89 · 05/04/2019 17:36

People who assume c section is the easy way are dilusional, it’s major surgery and a very long recovery. Imagine being in so much pain you can’t even pick you new baby up without feeling like your stomach is ripping open.
It took me a week to be able to stand up properly and a month to be able to laugh or sneeze without holding my stomach.
This view certainly winds me up

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 17:41

@B3ck89 i don't think anyone thinks it is the easy option. i realise it is a major surgery but I also saw the effects of a natural birth from my mother who said she was weak and could not stand or sit for at least 6 months due to her pain

OP posts:
IntoValhalla · 05/04/2019 17:54

As for the “6 months to recovery fully” thing - after my first baby was born (uncomplicated delivery, very minor tear with a few stitches and a little external grazing but nothing to ring home about), I’d say 6 months sounds about right for feeling totally back to normal physically. Not saying I was in horrendous pain for 6 months, but it took a good while before it felt back to normal “down there”, and I was totally comfortable doing all the things I’d done pre-pregnancy.

IntoValhalla · 05/04/2019 17:56

On the other hand, After the second baby was born I was totally fine.
I cooked a roast dinner for 6 people when he was about 18 hours old, in a sling on my chest, with DHs help just to lift the meat out of the oven and look after the toddler.
Again, every birth is different, and there’s no way to really preempt how you will cope with it or how your recovery will go

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 18:08

@IntoValhalla thank you so much for sharing both experiences. It does show me even the same woman not every pregnancy is the same

OP posts:
IntoValhalla · 05/04/2019 18:11

Moonchild definitely not the same! I’m pregnant with DC3 at the moment, and even this pregnancy is proving different to the other two, so I won’t be surprised if the birth is different too Smile I might be needing a csection this time due to major placenta praevia (placenta completely covering the cervix so baby can’t make a safe exit vaginally). I will find out later on in the pregnancy if it’s moved out of the way enough to allow for vaginal birth which I’m praying to every god there is that it moves!! While it might turn out to be totally necessary this time, a csection still seems like the scariest thing in the world to me

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 18:23

@IntoValhalla keeping all my fingers crossed for you

OP posts:
Sorrywhat · 05/04/2019 18:36

If you do choose to have a C-section you can have an elective on the NHS but you will have to fight for it. They act as though it isn’t an option but it actually is and they have to do what you want.
They’ll also make you believe you don’t need and even treat you like you are stupid for opting for one but it is whatever makes you comfortable. I opted for one after having a problem which they must not have heard of before. The anaesthetist actually rolled her eyes at my reason for having one just before having it... just do what you think is best for you and listen to those who say it is a longer recovery - I had 1 month of antibiotics due to an infection which wouldn’t clear.

chooco19 · 05/04/2019 19:08

I went for a ESC with my first born as I had bad anxiety and was afraid of all sorts happening to me and the baby. I had to fight to get the nhs to give me one. Even though a lot of nurses said if they had a choice they would choose
And ECS. I'm quite small too but I've seen people who are like a size 4-6 give birth naturally.
The only thing I would say is really so your research and be prepared to fight for this they won't give it to you if you are medically fit. Not to put you off but I had my c section wound burst 3 days after birth and I had to have my wound packed every day by nurses For 3 months so I Did regret it then but I had a healthy happy baby that's all that mattered to me. And anything can happen in naturally labour and c sections there are always risks . Good Luck xx

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 19:34

@Sorrywhat I do fully intend to go private when the time comes just because it would offer me more choice.

@chooco19 thank you so much. and will of course keep everything from the pros and cons in mind when making the choice.

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 05/04/2019 21:21

OP - you keep saying you are weak, small have no energy.
Have you ever tried gently building up your strength?
By that I don't mean going to the gym or walk for hours on end... but just a 5 min brisk walk every other day .... after a week or two 10 minute walk and so on. Or try swimming its really low impact. Find a pool / gym with spa. Do one length and relax in the Jacuzzi for a bit... slowly building on how many length you swim. Building up your body strength before pregnancy, will help you in many ways, including with recovery from birth...

JustDrained48 · 05/04/2019 21:43

I’m tiny - 7.5 stone but perfectly able despite having a small pelvis to give birth naturally.
3 x EMCs . 1st DC died at 9 days. I have 2 beautiful DCs but I would give anything to have the joy of giving birth naturally.
I don’t take anything away from c-sec but I think you are crazy to be dwelling on this so far out.

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 21:51

@Ylvamoon trust me I do try. Believe it or not I do not feeling like this but it is a very slow process and at 31 I don't exactly have all the time in the world and I do realize that even with my efforts it will only be marginally better then now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 21:53

@JustDrained48 I do realize I am worrying about this early but I would rarher have it all sorted before there is a baby that needs to get out one way or another.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 22:02

@JustDrained48 I am very sorry for everything you have been through

OP posts:
Eateneasterchocsalready · 05/04/2019 22:11

OP I'd listen too her.

You say there are health benefits being born... naturally but the biggest risk to babies life is when?

It's the day it's born. Because so many things can go wrong!
Elc is calm, collected and a great way to give birth. Not entirely pain fee for you!

I've done both ways.

Eateneasterchocsalready · 05/04/2019 22:13

Women should be allowed too choose and costing NHS money doesn't cut it anymore.
Babies needing life time round clock care from being starved of oxygen cost more.
Women needing endless medical follow ups for incontinence Etc...

Eateneasterchocsalready · 05/04/2019 22:15

OP sorry too Go on but knowing your own limit is really vital. You already know your limits.

speakout · 05/04/2019 22:22

OP I think you are focussing too much on the birth.

The bits that come after the birsth are far mare demanding- sleepless nights, keeping up with the demands on a energetic toddler. School runs, teenage angst,.

The birth is the easy bit.

SachaStark · 05/04/2019 22:24

I couldn't disagree more with the people saying you're crazy for considering this so early on, OP.

DH and I would like to start a family at a similar-ish time to you, and I am absolutely terrified of natural birth. I don't understand how anyone can want to do it, there are SO many things that can go wrong, so many unknown factors going in.

I really want to see my GP before we even start TTC to find out if elective c-section is an option at my local hospital. I'm not sure if I could even bring myself to be pregnant if I knew there was no escape from natural birth, despite how much I want a family.

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 22:31

@Eateneasterchocsalready trust me I am taking everything in this thread into consideration.

OP posts:
speakout · 05/04/2019 22:32

VioletCharlotte

I would encourage you to do some research.

In the UK risks for either type of delivery are similar for the mother.
Women tend to recover much quicker from vaginal delivery than CS.

Many of us have enjoyed the experience of a vaginal delivery.
I look back on my own experiences in a very positive light.

Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 22:35

@speakout I fully know what you mean. I do worry about that and would not consider having a family unless I knew I had a partner I can rely on. I am lucky I have a dp that is supportive and also knows my limits and knows I am trying my best to keep the house hold chores going inspite my issues

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild1987 · 05/04/2019 22:36

@SachaStark thank you so much have started to feel like I was crazy already being worried about the issue how to get the baby out once it is in there.

OP posts:
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