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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Celebs who don’t leave cheating partners

75 replies

Soundsgoodtome · 04/04/2019 10:56

Do you think it’s unusual that partners of cheating celebs stay with them .. even when they know that the cheating has happened and is public knowledge and they are celebs in their own right, either by their work or by association . I find it hard to understand . I can only think of una Healy off hand who left her husband immediately when she learned of his infidelity . I know that for a lot of us , money and children , are a reason to stay but for some , there are no children involved and money is not an issue ?

OP posts:

SymphonyofShadows · 04/04/2019 11:01

Colleen Rooney is a perfect example of this. Multiple very public episodes of cheating yet she stays, and has more children with him. He is finished as a footballer so it’s not the WAG thing, dubious as that is.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/04/2019 11:03

Other people have different boundaries and thresholds.

Eg. On MN if you have the temerity to have a friend of the opposite sex/gender/whatever it is a heinous crime! An emotional affair and you must immediately LTB.

Some people dont think a snog is much to write home about (Sean Walsh and Katya Jones)

Some people take the time to work through their problems, see where the issues lie, and resolve them rather than hysterically chucking it all in and run screaming to the media attention seekers

I would say the majority of RL people work through problems, or attempt to work through them. Leaving, when you have emeshed finances, property, children and entangled emotional involvement is such a trite comment to write, the reality is different.

SneakyGremlins · 04/04/2019 11:08

Is it not possible they have a hall pass or polygamy agreement in the relationship?

ShirleyPhallus · 04/04/2019 11:11

We just don’t know what other people find acceptable in their relationships though. You only have to look at the various debates on MN to see people have utterly different standards and boundaries

The Beckham fakery is arse clenchingly embarassing though. Especially how Brooklyn is becoming a very earnest celeb in his own right and dresses like he’s been down the mines or sweeping chimneys all the time

Halloumimuffin · 04/04/2019 11:11

There a few pairs where I think mutual branding is part of the issue. Enough rumours have swirled around David Beckham for years and while noone knows what's happened, I doubt that marriage would ever break up purely because their careers are now wrapped up in their co-brand. Similar but not quite as much for Jay Z and Beyonce, who built a fair amount of their current image around being a music empire super couple. Cheryl did divorce Ashley but has still had trouble shaking his surname as it's what she had when she became ultra-famous.

Colleen Rooney I really can't understand, but I guess that's her choice.

Wallsbangers · 04/04/2019 11:12

I suppose it depends on what the deal is - I'm sure Colleen Rooney is getting very well compensated for Wayne constantly being a cheating bellend. She may have her own bit on the side too. Who knows.

I'm sure there are plenty of complicated financial arrangements, personal agreement and sexual preference cover ups going on.

Rezie · 04/04/2019 11:20

I think a lot of people stay with their cheating partner but since they are not in the public eye we don't know about it. There can be million things that can affect the decision and we don't know what's going on in each marriage and what is the agreement. In celebrities the benefits of being together might be greater.

There are plenty of celebrieties that got(eventually) divorced due to cheating (at least when it went public) Arnold swarzenegger, Tiger woods, Sandra Bullock, Cheryl, Robin Thicke, Gwen Stefani from the top of my head.

And then there are a lot of celebs that started relationship with people they cheated with so technically cheating ended marriage but they were not "left". Such as brad pitt, Evan McGregor.
Of course these are based on tabloids and i have zero clue on the reality.

Original poster

Soundsgoodtome · 04/04/2019 11:22

I never thought about it like that in the sense that many probably have agreements in place or are polyamorous etc . It’s a different world for me so I take things at face value I suppose . I agree with the veckham thong. It’s cringe . I do feel sorry for vb though .

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 04/04/2019 11:23

Some people consider the every day life more important. The company, the conversation, whether they're nice to live with. On mn every single day, you will get a woman who's dh treats them like shit every day but nothing major. Sulks/putdowns/treating like a slave etc etc. You could argue that being a lovely companion, who had a one off shag during a moment of madness, is better than the daily bits of little nastiness.

Lisalouisa · 04/04/2019 11:23

What’s that famous twitter quote ‘b*hes heal like wolverine when the back account is nice’

PinkHeart5914 · 04/04/2019 11:27

They stay for money & fame. Let’s face it if the whole world knew your partner had been out shagging why would you stay but for money and fame? They have humiliated you in the worst way, you look pathetic to everyone for staying yet you do.

I guess it’s hard to walk away from the high life.....

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/04/2019 11:28

Colleen & Wayne Rooney have been together since they were kids, shes knows no different plus she has the religious aspect to consider.

I would wager most people would be more upset about the public humiliation in their social circle than the actual act. No one likes to be pitied.

Women, particularly, will lose 'status' if they leave a wealthy partner, and it is usually the man who is the wealthy one. Nice house, nice holidays, nice income - no one wants to be sent back to a council estate on a subsistance income. People covert status more. But in reality, sex is just a bodily function, like breathing or taking a shit.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2019 11:28

I think it’s only in the MN world that people leave committed relationships at the drop of a hat. Most people look long and hard at what they’d gain and what they’d lose before taking such a massive step. And different people have different boundaries. I wouldn’t call time on my marriage if he was unfaithful, it’s just not that important to me, whereas he’d leave if I was.

Crunchymum · 04/04/2019 11:32

I'll probably get slaughtered here but I do have some sympathy for wives that stay with cheating husbands.

The woman has done no wrong, why should she have to have her whole world turned upside down (divorce, drop in income, become a single parent, leading to a lower standard of living) obviously its different for rich celebs but the crux is why should the innocent party lose everything?

I'd throw my non wealthy DP out on his arse if he were to cheat as without trust our relationship would be dead but as I say I do have some comprehension as to why women forgive cheaters..... its almost as if they are being punished twice? Once being cheated on and then again by having their life changed - often not for the better - against their wishes.

TheStoic · 04/04/2019 11:34

Most people stay with cheating spouses, famous or not.

SapatSea · 04/04/2019 11:40

Victoria Beckham has said she would never be responsible for destroying "Brand Beckham". iirc Beckham was allegedly cheating even as far back as when they were engaged and she said it was a "yellow card offence"

crosspelican · 04/04/2019 11:41

Some people are capable of discretion. I know a few celebs (b/c list, but plenty of tabloid attention) and it's remarkable what you can keep secret if you actually WANT to. One highish profile woman I know with a sexy "identity" in the press was dating a high profile sportsperson (not football) for TWO YEARS and the tabloids were none the wiser, and this isn't someone with a wily PR or any influence to keep stuff out of the Daily Mail.

So people like Victoria Beckham could very easily have a relationship outside the marriage that we don't know about, because she is brighter than her husband. And why wouldn't she?

We only find out what people are (intentionally?) indiscreet about.

Eliza9919 · 04/04/2019 11:43

I think they are a bit different. She was with him before he was famous and had money. She must actually really love the ugly fucker. It's not like she got with him for his money.

Chelseachic · 04/04/2019 11:51

I know from professional experience statistically that most people stay and work on their marriages. On MN its always "Go" and a woman has no respect for herself if she's stays ! Crazy what about the millions of brave women who are wealthy or famous and with loving DHs who have been idiots, made a mistake ,are truly sorry but don't want to wreck their lives, lose the wives they still love and respect or their children...People with money have the same problems as anyone else and often more ! Money never buys happiness , celebrity doesn't either but both make men more attractive to the zillions of goldiggers out there and temptations are really high...Perhaps many wealthy or famous women are not going to let some ghastly OW destroy their lives and families Good for the rich man or celebrity that does stick by his wife and children . Those women who have their lives publicly questioned but remain strong and retain power in their marriages deserve respect.
I suspect Coleen Rooney needs a father for he children, he probably loves her , will never leave her and has no feelings for any daft woman he spent 5 drunken minutes with. She probably thinks that as they met when they were 12 he was ginger ,none too bright and a bit boring about footy... that he is now rich and famous which makes him an incredibly attractive target to many woman .....that he occasionally loses his way is a necessary trade off on the road they have been on together. I just hope she has the last laugh !

Chelseachic · 04/04/2019 11:53

meant to say millions of women including those who are wealthy or famous...

EmrysAtticus · 04/04/2019 12:52

I agree with the pp who point out that very often women who are cheated on and then leave are then left with less money and the majority of the childcare and can often find it hard to date again etc. For a lot of people I imagine the benefits of their relationship outweigh the betrayal.

If I had done nothing wrong and had been cheated on I wouldn't want to throw away my life and tear my son's family apart. I am very sure that life as a single parent would be considerably worse than my current life.

Bowchicawowow · 04/04/2019 12:55

Coleen and Wayne Rooney have been together since they were at school. They have four children together. They are Catholic and their parents have both been in very long marriages. I am sure these are the main reasons why they stay together. She would be very comfortably off if they were to separate so money is not the issue here.

Friedspamfritters · 04/04/2019 13:22

I couldn't stay but people have different boundaries. I know one woman irl who basically confided that she wouldn't care if her husband cheated (but would rather not know).

Amongstthewildthings · 04/04/2019 13:26

It seems it's more of a dealbreaker for men. Most men I know would leave a woman instantly if she cheated. Women seem to be expected to tolerate/forgive, but then when women do cheat they are often more discreet about it.

Amongstthewildthings · 04/04/2019 13:27

I would leave instantly if I found out my partner cheated. I could not forgive that, I'd feel angry all the time. I don't understand how people can forgive (not a judgement, I just genuinely can't fathom it.) I'd co-parent etc, but not stay.

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