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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband affair

115 replies

Nefney14 · 03/04/2019 19:21

Please someone tell me how on earth you get over this?
On Tuesday I found out my husband of only 18 months has been having an affair all the while I’ve been dealing with a brain tumour and for the last week he has been going back and forth changing his mind about where he wants to be it is absolutely killing me. I know i am worth so much more than this and I know he shouldn’t even have the option to be with me anymore but every time I think about him leaving I can physically feel my heart breaking every inch of my body is hurting I’m about to have surgery and he needs to stay here until after that to look after the kids and I have no idea how I’m going to get through them weeks knowing that he’s with her and he’s messaging her. How am I meant to walk around knowing I’m going to bump into them? How do I hand my kids over and let them play happily families? I don’t even know why I’m posting. But how the hell do you make this pain go away?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 03/04/2019 19:24

What an utter cunt

Flowers

Hopefully other posters will something more helpful to offer x

Lwg87 · 03/04/2019 19:24

No advice but I’m so sorry you’re going through this. X

truthisarevolutionaryact · 03/04/2019 19:25

I am so sorry OP. What a dreadful thing to find out. What an abomination of a man!
First thing is to centre yourself as far as possible. Do you have support available? Family / friends?

Eattothebeat · 03/04/2019 19:26

You poor thing. I hope you've got a supportive family network around you to help. You deserve so much better than this. Stay strong x

seriouslyreally · 03/04/2019 19:26

I completely agree with the four letter description of him beginning with C - get rid and look after yourself you don't need him bringing you down and putting this shit at your doorstep when you need to be focussing on getting better x

PixieDust26 · 03/04/2019 19:35

Omg. What a fucking asshole. You're getting through your diagnosis so you can get through anything! You're clearly stronger than you think.
Let her have him then she'll see what a c**t he really is. She is also just as bad!
Stay strong Thanks

MaMaMaMySharona · 03/04/2019 19:37

What an absolute idiot. It sickens me that anyone could do this to someone, especially when they’re in a vulnerable position.

It’s going to hurt, especially in the short term. What you need to focus on is that you haven’t done anything wrong, you didn’t cause this and you don’t deserve it. Surround yourself with friends and family, remind yourself of things that make you happy. Don’t let him come crawling back to you, don’t let him dictate your future.

Flowers and lots of positive thoughts your way

TeddybearBaby · 03/04/2019 19:39

You’re vulnerable in every sense of the word. I’m so sorry. What is your support network like? 💐

Original poster
Nefney14 · 03/04/2019 19:43

I can’t make him leave until after they’ve taken the tumour out and the seizures stop because I’m not safe on my own with the kids. So I am stuck in this huge mess and I literally have no control over it and no choices

OP posts:
Ilovecoleslaw · 03/04/2019 19:45

Oh shit, I was at your wedding!
I've used an old username so you don't recognise me, although I don't think you would anyway. We're not close and you barely know me btw.
But your husband's a fucking asshole and you deserve so much better than him.
What he's done is disgusting.
Can anyone else look after the kids in the meantime? I don't know what support you have, but it might be better than him looking after them.
I'd try and distance myself as much as possible, only talk about the kids and anything financial that needs sorting etc.
You will get through this but it's going to take time.
Like I said, you barely know me but you can PM me if you like.
Hope everything works out for you Flowers

Februaryblooms · 03/04/2019 19:48

What an absolute disgrace of a human being he is, and if she knows your situation then she's no better.

My obvious response is LTB, but I totally understand it's never that easy. Especially for you right now. What I will say is what comes around goes around and if karma is a thing it'll bite him hard on his arse for what he's doing to you in your hour of need. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Stay strong OP Flowers

Original poster
Nefney14 · 03/04/2019 19:49

Ilovecoleslaw I didn’t really think about how identifying this was sorry can you pm me I don’t know how? And please don’t tell anyone I’ve posted on here I just wanted somewhere to vent that wasn’t my friends and family judging me for being such a fucking idiot

OP posts:
keenwasalad · 03/04/2019 19:53

You are NOT an idiot.

Original poster
Nefney14 · 03/04/2019 19:54

I’m currently sat here crying my eyes out while he’s getting ready to go and meet her I’d definitely say that’s a fucking idiot

OP posts:
livinglavidavillanelle · 03/04/2019 19:57

oh lordy. what a total asshole he is.

you're not an idiot. he's an idiot. how a human being can treat their significant other in such a shameful disgusting way truly baffles me.

please just concentrate on your recovery and your children. you do not need this pathetic excuse of a man for anything other than temporary childcare. once you're back on your feet, you can kick him into touch. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

John470322 · 03/04/2019 19:58

Omg. What a fucking asshole. You're getting through your diagnosis so you can get through anything! You're clearly stronger than you think.
I agree, my DW was diagnosed with cancer, she had a boob cut off but she is still my DW and I still love her to bits and I keep telling her that I love all her bits.
You being diagnosed with any illness is no excuse for an affair.
There is NEVER an excuse for an affair, any husband who cheats is wrong but in my opinion any husband who cheats when his wife is ill and needs help is 100% wrong and the description "fucking asshole" suits him.

Mog6840 · 03/04/2019 20:01

I just wanted to say, I am so sorry you are going through this.

This man is a total disgrace!

Ilovecoleslaw · 03/04/2019 20:03

You are not an idiot at all. The only one anyone's judging is him!
I'll PM you as soon as I work out how Grin
And of course, I won't breathe a word to anyone! So sorry you're going through this.

KittyVonCatsworth · 03/04/2019 20:03

What an utterly despicable cunt he is. I think this is up there as some of the worst behaviour I've read on here for a long time. You poor love, I've no advice at all, I can't even say what I'd do if I was in your shoes. I just want to wish you all the strongest get well vibes, so you can get the strength to fuck this poor excuse of a human right over, then fuck him over some more. Good luck lovely xxx

Pharlapwasthebest · 03/04/2019 20:03

You are absolutely NOT an idiot. You are in a situation that is not if your making, and you are stuck. You are an idiot, he is an absolute c**t, a despicable piece of shit!
I'm so mad for you, but please be kind to yourself, you are not an idiot.
Sending you hugs.

AnyFucker · 03/04/2019 20:03

I am sorry you have been identified from your post, op. What a worry for you on top of everything else.

coleslaw you should have messaged op
privately or just kept out of it. Now op is paranoid you will blab.

Nef you could namechange and post again with fewer identifying details. You deserve support. Your husband is a cunt.

HollowTalk · 03/04/2019 20:06

I have just read your other threads. You are married to a complete bastard. Would it be possible to go to stay with your family while you're being treated - with the children, of course.

blueluce85 · 03/04/2019 20:07

I would suggest you don't give him the option to "choose"... He has zero choice here. But his obligation is to help look after the children whilst you go though all of this.

No need to kick him out, but definitely kick him out of the bed.

What a fucking dick

Good luck OP with everything

IM0GEN · 03/04/2019 20:07

I’ve read a lot of bad things on MN but this is one of the worst.

Op you MUST tell people around you what is happening. Your friends and family , your nurse etc

No one will think you are a fool. Everyone will want to help and support you.

KM99 · 03/04/2019 20:09

OP, you aren't an idiot. You are going through a traumatic time and your husband is a total shit to do this to you.

Right, get practical. What do you need to get through surgery and recovery? What help will you need? How long for? Who else can help?

Don't even try to think about your relationship with him right now. #1 priority is your medical care and needs.

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