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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abiu to expect dh to muck in with the dc when he booked holidays off?

28 replies

Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 11:33

Dh has three days off last week and this week he also has three days of this. Abiu to expect some help with the dc he slept in till 11.30 whilst I do the school run and look after the toddler and clean the house. I don’t so much as get a day off yet he expect to lie in till mid morning. I’m getting to the point I don’t want to be with him anymore but stuck due to financial circumstances and having 3 young dc.

OP posts:
ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/04/2019 11:34

Tell him he's a lazy selfish prick and he needs to get up

EL8888 · 03/04/2019 11:34

Most definitely! He is taking advantage and being selfish. What explanation has he given for not assisting with his children?

Original poster
Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 11:38

Apparently it’s his annual leave and he wants to have a sleep in. I work part time around his hours but cook clean and do majority of the childcare. Last week ds cut his chin and he wouldn’t come to the hospital so took him on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 11:38

ZippyBungleandGeorge

I did he just told me to go away. I feel like I’m at my most happiest when I’m at work away from him in all honesty.

OP posts:
PhillipeFellope · 03/04/2019 11:41

He's on holiday from work, not from his family.

But given your update, perhaps you need to get shut of him. He sounds like a lazy prick.

Omzlas · 03/04/2019 11:43

He's a selfish prick. One lie in is fair enough and I have no problem with my DH doing this but not every day. And if YOU also get a lie in

Is there no way you could look to doing it on your own, as in leaving? Surely doing 99% of everything now isn't much different to doing it alone?

Parker231 · 03/04/2019 11:43

You don’t get a holiday from being a parent - leave the DC’s in the room with him and go out for a coffee and a break.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 03/04/2019 11:44

Sounds like my old marriage. If he can't care enough for his wife and children to get up and spend time with them, help in an emergency or just chip in to household chores then it sounds like he has checked out already. I spoke to my ex recently, we get on better now than when we were married, and I asked him about it. He said even though it was wrong he saw the house and kids as my job, that when he wasn't in work it was his down town, his time to do nothing. Sounds to me that unless he is willing theres no partnership here OP. It sucks and you deserve better Flowers

Original poster
Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 11:48

I couldn’t get a house as I would have to claim housing benefiting and majority of houses don’t accept it unless I go on the counc house waiting list. I have found myself looking at private rents with wishful thinking. If I didn’t have my youngest I would have left I think it’s hard because I have no childcare so working full time covering holidays would be a nightmare I don’t think I could survive on my
Part time hours.

OP posts:
seeingdots · 03/04/2019 11:50

He's only being reasonable if he also gives you the chance (without notice) to sleep in til almost midday when you have annual leave. I suspect he does not.

WatchingFromTheWings · 03/04/2019 11:59

Book a 'day off' family life when he's on annual leave. Get up early and go out, leave him to it.

Crabbyandproudofit · 03/04/2019 12:10

He obviously has decided childcare and home are your responsibility because "you only work part-time". He needs to step up and make more of a contribution. Next time he has leave booked try discussing in. advance which days each of you will lie-in, etc. (It's interesting how SAHP rarely get a day off sick, unless with a chronic health condition, but working parents do.)

Not saying you should leave him but you seem quite unhappy and are obviously considering it. Why would you have to leave your current home, rather then him move out? Remember he would also be liable for providing/paying for some of the childcare.

Original poster
Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 12:59

Had a big argument, apparently he doesn’t take time off to do my jobs and childcare is my role. He’s since left. We had a day out a farm tomorrow for ds who will be 3 and a family meal out.

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 03/04/2019 13:02

It's his annual leave from his day job, not annual leave from being a father!

How many days annual leave do you get from being a mum?

iolaus · 03/04/2019 13:08

One day - yes no issue with him having a lie in on one of his days off, but not all of them

But you should also get the same

flyings0l0 · 03/04/2019 13:11

just leave the house tomorrow morning early and force him to take care. have a relaxed day away from home.

nanbread · 03/04/2019 13:15

Why is childcare your role? Have you asked him why?

Raver84 · 03/04/2019 13:18

If you've been with them a morning and he's awake now tell him your off out for the afternoon and leave him to it. He sounds very selfish.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/04/2019 13:21

He sounds lazy and entitled.

When do you get annual leave from your childcare role? In his mind is that when you go to your part-time job??? He needs to step up or be kicked to the kerb. He really sounds awful OP. Sorry but he does.

Amongstthetallgrass · 03/04/2019 13:22

I’d wait for a quiet time and actually say - ‘I’m really considering leaving. It would be easier for me. I’m not happy like this and don’t want to continue this way’

IggyAce · 03/04/2019 13:22

OP stop doing anything for him. Do you rent or own your current home?
He has already checked out, I would start getting papers and documents in order, you will be better off without him.

Original poster
Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/04/2019 13:34

We rent I don’t think he’s checked out more he expects something from the 1950s I’ve reached the end of my tether I rarely get down time for myself, he’s left the house so it’s just me and my little one and then I have the school run. I told him I don’t even love him anymore.

OP posts:
IggyAce · 03/04/2019 13:40

OP do you want to save your marriage or are you only staying because your scared financially?
If you want to try and save it, I think you should suggest seeing Relate.

blackteasplease · 03/04/2019 13:58

He's a DH not a DP from your thread. That means you may not be as badly off as you think if you divorce.

OneStepSideways · 03/04/2019 14:13

He sounds very old fashioned.

Personally I'd be ok with him taking a day of his annual Leave for himself (lie in, hobby etc) then expect him to pitch in the other days.

If you usually do the school/nursery run on the days he's off, I think it's reasonable to keep that routine and let him have the lie ins, provided he does pick ups or dinner and contributes to the chores.