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Original poster

Can he take me to court to stop me breast feeding?

111 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 02/04/2019 23:50

Okay for the first time I’ve name changed.

I’ve been getting threats to stop breast feeding and that my dds father wants to take me to court over it. (Sounds ridiculous, and would be funny) but as he’s her father and getting all stressed and worried and reading all different things which say Mother’s can be asked to pump and express ect.

She’s 4 months old and breast fed, I have introduced some formula (dare not tell him) but it’s just helping her at nights as she was waking so much too feed. It’s working well so far just filling her up. Before the last few days she was just breast fed but I felt like I was feeding every 2 hours and evenings I’ve always seemed to have a low supply.

Anyway he wants me to stop as wants her every other weekend. At the moment he has her every Wednesday all day, I agreed to it but he’s only had her for two wednesdays alone so far. I had to express while he had her which was limiting like 10/12/2/4 but I didn’t mind.

He wants the kind of access I would think he’d get when she’s school age, every other weekend nights in the week. I just don’t know what I should allow at her age and what’s reasonable. I want him to have relationship. We’ve had ups and downs but I’ve taken her to his families for events and let him see her whenever he can as well as his wednesdays.

He turned very nasty day before mother’s day and is sending me horrid messages. Says I’m getting a letter from solicitor, (his Mum says he’s not spoken to one) but he’s threatening that he has. He’s saying he’ll stop all payments ect until he’s on birth certificate. (So weirdly he has no rights at the moment but I was happy for him to go on it, I thought he was sorting it out)

I’m just all in a muddle and pretty upset.

What should I do? 😞

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 03/04/2019 18:15

Think about doing The Freedom Programme OP, you can do it on line. It will help you to start putting your own needs and those of your child, ahead of what a domineering man is telling you.

Lolapusht · 03/04/2019 18:37

This may have some useful information [https://www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-contact-cases]

ScarletBitch · 03/04/2019 19:05

@mathanxiety with respect the abuse to the OP would not stop any court allowing access, 3 kids later and a whole shit load of abuse from my ex, I am proof no matter how much evidence you have the Courts still think it is in the children's best interest to have a relationship with their dad.

The OP ex sounds like he wants to be involved, some dads simply do not and are never to be seen again. I fully agree with what you said, but he has just as much right to have a relationship with his DD.

whateverhappenstheremore · 03/04/2019 19:24

I think you are being unreasonable. He is her father and has every right to see her. You are using the breast feeding as an excuse and that's out of order. If I was the judge I would say you can express on those days - you should be making an effort to facilitate this

Eateneasterchocsalready · 03/04/2019 19:33

Op so sorry your in this nasty situation.

What a selfish nasty man putting his own selfish desires above those of this tiny baby.
Keep all evidence, all evidence of text's phone calls, convo with his parents Etc.

If I was a man there's just no way I could carve up child's time like this.

I'd rather be with the child and mum and let the child decide where it wants to spend time when old enough

blueluce85 · 03/04/2019 19:40

Hi, just as a reference for what I agreed to at court (dd was 7mths)
3hrs twice a week with the Sat increasing 1hr per month of her life.
Then it swapped to every other weekend but being returned at night.
She went overnight at 2 once a fortnight, initially being returned early morning, but that soon changed to away for whole weekend. And now she does overnight mid week every week too. She is nearly 3.
And when she gets a bit older she will go more.
He is also able to take her away on holiday next year if he wants.

Contact up until starting to wean was no more than a couple of hours

ForalltheSaints · 03/04/2019 19:45

If it was a criminal offence to waste a court's time he would be guilty in my opinion. It is not as if access will be limited for even a couple of years.

It is a pity that threats of legal action were not a criminal offence either. People such as Robert Maxwell used it a lot, for example.

iolaus · 03/04/2019 19:51

He probably can take you to court if he has enough money to waster

However I can't see him winning

KittyDee · 03/04/2019 19:57

Definitely no he couldn’t. What an arse. He should be putting his child’s needs first . Those needs are best met by you at this stage.

Personally I wouldn’t be expressing to please him either, so I think he is lucky you are being as accommodating as you are.

HotChocLit · 03/04/2019 21:48

If you start to ff u will lower your supply try lemonade x

EggsAgain · 03/04/2019 21:50

whateverhappenstheremore It’s really not a simple as ‘just expressing’. Some women can’t express much or at all despite having an excellent supply, some babies won’t take bottles, some babies will take milk from others but not be comforted or go to sleep without a breastfeed. Your post shows a lack of understanding of the physiological and emotional aspects - for mum and baby - of breastfeeding. It’s not helpful to the OP at all, and may make her feel like a failure when actually she’s doing her best in a difficult situation.

BeautifulName · 03/04/2019 22:02

I am angry for you and your tiny daughter OP that this shitweasel is trying to push you into changing how you are looking after your little baby. This is so not for your daughter’s benefit. All she wants is you. She absolutely doesn’t need him whether she’s on the breast or bottle - but as it is she’s a tiny little breastfed baby.

He’s all about himself. you sound like a lovely mum and you have a great bond with her. How dare he try to bully you over that. Fuck him. Other people have given really good advice on here. Good luck Flowers

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 03/04/2019 22:43

Thanks all I’m exhausted 😞

Good news is he has actually seen a solicitor (I was hoping he had) so he’s dropped all of the breast feeding threats of course, thinks he will have her over night at 6 months when weaned....unlikely. He was nice, which was better than being unpleasant, told me he’s paid 250 for a letter stating he wants wednesdays 9-7, then backed down to 11-4 but I’ve said will let him know. He wants pr obviously but he doesn’t understand it doesn’t cover who child lives with. I think he thinks if he has it he’ll get more of a say. Hopefully he will get more information. Speaking to a real solicitor has done him good, he’s been more realistic with reguarding to access and understands 1 day will be what he’ll get. I’ve actually got nearly enough frozen breast milk to cover the few wednesdays until she’s weaned. I’ll only need to express a bit more. Then apparently you breast feed a lot less so I can hopefully keep it up the year.

I’m letting him see her tomorrow as he didn’t today, so i’ll Update on how he is.

He said reasonable things about wanting things in writing so he knows where he stands and how he works and wouldn’t go for full custody ect but I didn’t promise anything. I’m getting my own solicitor and will speak through them. I’m fortunate I have support to afford it honestly and I wished it hadn’t come to it but seems like it has.

I’m not happy for set days without flexibility but I am happy to him to have her wednesdays 11-4. I can work with it and have a portable pump. I had agreed to that before all this mess.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 03/04/2019 22:43

Breastfeedingworries loads of good advice on here. Contact through text or email and keep everything. His nasty attitude, threats etc are showing you what a nasty person he is. DO NOT do work on his behalf to put him anywhere.

IMHO a man insisting contact with his child means telling you to stop breast feeding, making you scared, turning nasty etc, is not a great person to be around your child, so it's not good he wants contact.

You will need to engage with any letters etc and of course if he wants to see his child then he can ask for contact etc but think carefully about how accommodating you need to be, take into consideration his nasty attitude etc.

He sounds like a nasty bully. Sorry you are in this situation.

gluteustothemaximus · 04/04/2019 01:23

He said reasonable things about wanting things in writing so he knows where he stands and how he works and wouldn’t go for full custody

Well, how jolly decent of him, not going for full custody.

He's still a prick even when he's being 'nice'.

Ignore the expressing breast milk bollucks.

And as for overnights when she's being weaned at 6 months..what's his obsession with overnights?? Plus lots of BF babies feed at night way beyond this.

Keep your bullshit radar on at all times. This man is not to be trusted.

AceOfSpades123 · 04/04/2019 01:52

See your own solicitor.

Don’t be bullied into stopping BF.

Contact CMS and get them to organise the money collection properly.

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 05:21

ScarletB I too have an abusive exH and all my children still had to go to visitation. One is now suffering from PTSD as a result. My exH tried to have me found in contempt of court three times on (ridiculous) grounds connected to our cast iron visitation schedule. He started out just like the OP's ex did, even before our divorce was finalised, threatening court and using the law to get his way. I greatly fear that the OP is in for many years of guerilla warfare with this man. It would be far better for both her and her baby if he would just go away and leave them in peace.

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 05:24

OP do not be taken in by a reasonable tone.

Do not put anything in writing until you have spoken to a solicitor. Talk to Women's Aid and see if they can refer you to someone who is aware of domestic abuse and the ploys of abusers.

You are doing very well telling him you will think about things and then respond. You do not owe him any instant answers, and do not let him give you deadlines either.

MyOtherProfile · 04/04/2019 05:39

Good that he is being more reasonable. Did you contact cms though?

stucknoue · 04/04/2019 05:57

The only case I've heard of where the court intervened regarding breastfeeding was in the case of a mother refusing access on demand breastfeeding grounds when the child was already over 2 years old and then it wasn't overnight, but the father got 6 hours on a Saturday

Coyoacan · 04/04/2019 05:58

I'm glad you've got a solicitor, but do try to get through to Women's Aid.

Crabbyandproudofit · 04/04/2019 06:09

OP you are doing great bf without support. It should get easier over time. However, even if you start to introduce solids at 6 months your DD will still get most of her nutrition from milk and bf is still the best way to do this. It's great if you feel able to express but don't be bullied into giving up bf too soon and if your daughter needs to be with you that's just how it is. Her father may have to continue with short and frequent access.

user1480880826 · 04/04/2019 06:13

Taking a breastfeeding baby away from its mother for long periods at that age would be cruel and unusual. I would hope no court would ever stop a mother from breastfeeding. If it did then we should all be rioting in the streets to get the law changed to protect mothers (and babies)

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 04/04/2019 07:07

Weaning isn't a one day event where a baby magically stops breastfeeding and goes straight to solids. It's a process of introducing food to let them get used to textures while they still maintain their usual schedule of feeding.

DD dropped night feeds fairly early on but still needed fed when she woke in the morning meaning I could go out at night but I had to be there for that first feed. She really hated bottles regardless of it being expressed milk.

What good is overnight anyway, that's not quality time together.

LadyRannaldini · 04/04/2019 13:25

Let him do it, it'll be one for the DM and he'll end up looking such an idiot!