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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is the longest time you have stayed away without kids?

91 replies

Mangetoutrodney · 02/04/2019 20:00

My kids are 7 & 11 and I have never left them!
DH has a big birthday coming up & we are going to Spain for 5 nts with my mum looking after the kids. I think we really do need a break and a rest but I am anxious/feeling guilty/ worried they will get ill etc

I want to relax & enjoy it but I am just worrying so much about leaving them!

Aibu to ask the longest time you have left your kids?

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 02/04/2019 20:04

I've never left my kids either OP so just want to say you're not alone (they're teenagers now).

I think it's normal to worry though, I would too. But they're in safe hands with your mum and I'm sure they will enjoy their "holiday with nan".

IAmAPersonToo · 02/04/2019 20:05

Four days when my dh was with them (hen).

A weekend together is the longest we’ve both been away. I’d do 5 nights but probably not longer.

Litttlepinkegg · 02/04/2019 20:08

Dd 6 and ds 3 never so far. Trying to get my mum to have them overnight so me and Dh can go spa 🤞

HouseplantInvasion · 02/04/2019 20:08

I went away for a week with DH a few years back, my youngest was 3! They stayed with my parents, where they’ve been for many 1-2 night trips, and they were completely fine, they had a blast! Didn’t even want to speak to us when we phoned. I wouldn’t do it every year or for any longer but honestly that week was utter bliss.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/04/2019 20:09

I've done 3 nights once (dp had the dc) and 2 night quite a few times (with dmil having the dc).

I think you'll be fine.

Weepingwillows12 · 02/04/2019 20:10

I have left my kids who are younger than yours for a week a few times but it's for work. It's a really flexible job in a great team but my compromise is occasional travel. My dh has them and I do feel guilty but am OK with it now and even enjoy the quiet.

However I do struggle with both me and my dh leaving them and never do more than a night. I get too worried. I think I need to loosen up and am thinking of two nights abroad soon for our 10 year anniversary.

If 5 nights is too much, what about a shorter break? I honestly think that if you trust the people you are leaving them with and you need a break then you should! But only if you actually enjoy itand don't spend time worrying.

Lweji · 02/04/2019 20:13

So far, 3 weeks when DS was on holiday with his grandparents.

Just relax. 11 years without ever being away from your children is a long time. You do need to let go.

tor8181 · 02/04/2019 20:15

14 and 8 here,neither have ever been left,even when i was in labour with no 2 the oldest was 6 and he was waiting in the car,in mcdonalds 5 mins away with grandparents

i dont even leave them with a baby sitter for a few hours

as a family of 4 we spend 24 hours together(they dont go to school)

yearinyearout · 02/04/2019 20:15

We went for 6 nights once. Kids were fine, stayed at home and my mum moved in...we thoroughly enjoyed our child free break!

Laiste · 02/04/2019 20:15

When mine were 12, 14 and 17 DH and i went to Tunisia for a week. That was the first time i'd ever left my kids. They have always been lovely sensible girls and had a great time playing house, eating whatever they liked and going to bed late. We came back to a spotless oasis of calm :)

We still worried and rang them every day.

mindutopia · 02/04/2019 20:15

Oh my gosh, they’re 7 & 10, they’ll love it. Go and enjoy! Longest we’ve ever left ours (at 3) was 2 nights, that was several years ago, but we don’t really have family support. We don’t allow MIL overnights anymore and my mum also isn’t well enough to maybe do more than a night at a stretch (she also lives abroad, we would have to fly her in). We couldn’t manage a night away without a nanny now (which we don’t have so no nights away). I’ve been away on my own though for 10 nights at a time before and it was wonderful (for work travel, but still).

As long as your mum is capable, go and enjoy. Your kid’s are old enough to mostly look after themselves.

Laiste · 02/04/2019 20:16

I should add - my mum lived round the corner, the neighbors were good friends and my best mate was on standby as well.

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 02/04/2019 20:18

A week to look after my dying SIL.
8 days go visit my best friend.

Both times my parents and PIL had them. They were fine. I missed them.

PillowTalker · 02/04/2019 20:18

5 nights in mallorca with friends for an adults only break and didn't like it at all. felt really guilty for not taking them with us.

Wouldn't ever leave them more than 2 nights again

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 02/04/2019 20:20

I should add that at 7 my Dad was sent away to BOARDING school. He thought a week away was totally reasonable for all concerned.

moleeye · 02/04/2019 20:20

We've done quite a few mini breaks 3 nights away and left dd with my mum. Have been doing it since she was a year old, she's 4 now. But the deal is we only do a mini break if we have a family holiday planned.

We first left her overnight when she was 10 weeks old as we had a wedding to go to.

She stays over at my mums regularly as well (every couple of months), so DP and I can have date night. They are very close and have a loving relationship.

I have a two week old ds and am going on an overnight hen do for my sil in 4 weeks so they will both be with my DP. Am breastfeeding so will be making sure there's plenty of expressed milk in the fridge/freezer to hand!

I suspect I'm not the norm though, as I have no issues leaving them. I love them dearly but am comfortable leaving them with people I trust. I miss them when I'm not with them but it's lovely to have some me/couple time 😊

Original poster
Mangetoutrodney · 02/04/2019 20:20

My mum lives 200 miles away so will come down, probably with her husband too. She is 71 but is fit & healthy as was worried I was putting too much on her. My neighbours would help in an emergency too & obvs we’d fly home if we had to. I think I am just anxious & catastrophising a bit. They will be in school for 2 days. It’s 5 nights & 4 days in total

OP posts:
CaitlinsYellowSocks · 02/04/2019 20:20

I was recently in hospital for several weeks and unable to see my six month old (my three year old visited once but I think the hospital environment made him more anxious).

My parents (who are very loving and hands-on) were helping DH to look after them and although DC1 was worried about me, he still loved the chance to spend more time with his grandparents. DC2 was blissfully happy and seems to have miraculously learned to sleep as well.

I wouldn't have chosen to leave children this young for this long (though DC1 has previously spent a couple of nights with my parents and always thinks it is a fun treat). I wouldn't have any qualms about leaving a 7 and 11 year old though, as long as they have a good relationship with your parents, and your parents are genuinely happy to do it, and healthy and energetic enough to look after them for five days.

livingthegoodlife · 02/04/2019 20:22

5 nights when dh and I went to help a friend with her new baby abroad. But generally we leave them very rarely, apart from that maybe 2 nights in the whole 7 years.

Lweji · 02/04/2019 20:24

as a family of 4 we spend 24 hours together(they dont go to school)

And the eldest is 14?!

When are you planning to let them fly?

cabcab · 02/04/2019 20:26

I remember on here a family of five leaving the youngest for the others to go on a weeks holiday together.... I thought that was awful to exclude one child. The cries of she will be fine, won't miss her entire family get one to one with her DGM!

Leaving both is far less severe, they have each other, I think they'll be fine.

DinosApple · 02/04/2019 20:28

The longest the kids have been away from us is 5 nights when we were moving our business premises. It would have been impossible to do with them in tow and we ate takeaways all week. I missed them, but they had more fun with grandma!

Pretty sure our DC would get really miffed if we went somewhere exciting without them, but that wouldn't stop us going if we got the opportunity! We'd get them a stick of rock Wink.

Have a fabulous time OP, they will be fine.

SimonJT · 02/04/2019 20:32

I leave my son with my cousin once every 3/4 weeks, they’ll be fine, and probably feel quite excited about not having you around.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 02/04/2019 20:56

3 nights. I have never wanted to impose on my mum, though she has liked having time with ds on her own, and he seems to like spending time with her.

We left him for a night when he was 4 . I think that was the first time and since then various times for between 1-3 nights.

He's now 16 so not really an issue anymore.

RagingWhoreBag · 02/04/2019 20:59

I’ve left mine for about two weeks - they’re now 12,14,18 - the first time was a couple of years ago and again this year. But they were with their dad and stayed who stayed in our home, so not a massive upheaval for them. The benefits of divorce Wink