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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think “life coaches” really are something else

159 replies

Romax · 02/04/2019 18:19

I just don’t get it.
How someone can be so very sure that they have nailed “life” that they can actually coach others and charges for their “life expertise”

I’m thinking specifically of two women in my affluent SE town (perhaps it is a regional “thing”?) who have just set up a life coaching business. I just can’t work out how they would reach the conclusion that they are such a success in life that they can help others achieve what they have achieved (setting up a life coaching business!)

Am I BU to think that you really must think a lot of yourself to do this? Or have people genuinely benefited from life coaching services?

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/04/2019 12:33

Romax I have read back over my post and can't see anything to suggest I hadn't managed to read Higgy's post, much less to deserve a patronising ?!

Are you always like this?

36degrees · 04/04/2019 12:35

I've used a coach outside work and had amazing results. I've also been trained as a coach myself, via a public sector employer, and also received coaching at work. The "accredited" process used by work was a one day course, focused on using manipulation techniques to get people to do things they didn't feel comfortable doing. It was completely contrary to my experience of finding my own coach outside work, who was ethical, supportive and insightful. So I would be extremely wary of endorsements and accreditations - I am apparently a certified coach now and there's no way I feel appropriately qualified to deliver coaching as a service.

3ChangingForNow · 04/04/2019 12:35

Life coaching is amazing. Psychologists are not required to have all their psychological issues sorted out either just take accountability and don't let it bleed into their work. Both jobs are a set of skills to help others. there are regulation problems in life coaching but I know many coaches, health, weight loss, self esteem, business, and many are very good.

LittleAndOften · 04/04/2019 12:37

Anyone want to coach my life? I can't afford to pay you, but I could sure do with the help!

AdaHopper · 04/04/2019 12:37

Furrytoebean - I tend to agree with you on that too. It does make me feel uncomfortable.

It is hard to live off of coaching alone. To be able to do so the amount of clients has to be huge or the price charged ridiculously high. So many tend to mix it with other stuff. Training others to be a coach or to build a coaching business could be one of those things I suppose.

I mix it with doing 360 degree assessments (through a certified, scientifially backed tool) and coaching leaders on the results and the kind of leader they want to be. I am also a consultant on change projects in companies.

The 2 are a good combination. Through the changes that companies 'push' onto their employees, there are people and teams who benefit from coaching (paid by the company).

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/04/2019 12:38

Ha Little couldn't we all.

Could someone set up as a getting-off-MN-and-doing-some-work coach?

3ChangingForNow · 04/04/2019 12:39

By the way coaches coach each other a lot so they clearly see the value in it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2019 12:43

Many years ago I was a Life Coach. I like to think I was a real one, a good one. I taught Motivational Interviewing techniques, to Post Grads looking to improve their confidence, job saleability, and used it with all clients. Back then it was sort of Marie Kondo your life, attitude, routine and expectations!

Nowadays I know a few Job / Dream / Life Coaches and they are bloody good. Updated versions of what I used to do. They can work magic, given a client who responds well to their techniques.

Sadly there are some absolute horrors, MLMers with all the gear and absolutely no idea what they are doing! Scary!

BloodyDisgrace · 04/04/2019 12:46

I despair at people who need them.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 12:51

I think its just another form of mentoring....

Its very easy to be so wrapped up in your problems and daily grind that you fail to see straight forward ways to improve your life.

I think a life coach is someone who can help you find a new direction and help you improve.....not sure that's something to sneer at!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 04/04/2019 12:53

I suppose some people don’t have the support of family or friends to help them make good decisions. Or there don’t feel confidence in themselves.

Of course some therapists are crap-merchants. Dont get me started... (bastards saying they can cure cancer with hypnosis...). There are some crap GPs for that matter too...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2019 12:59

I despair at people who need them. You'd best hope you don't ever find yourself in an unexpected situation with little time or brain space to find a solution then! Anxiety and frustration can do odd things to your ability to cope and thnk clearly!

Best one I ever met was when I was made redundant. She made us do some very odd things. The upshot was I didn't look for another job, I changed mylife, went to University, became a lecturer. Decades later, when I left teaching I used similar techniques and became self employed.

If I could find that rather odd woman again I would thank her, profusely!

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 04/04/2019 12:59

The problem with life coaching is that it's like any kind of teaching or coaching, to excel you need two things. There are two components first high level of ability and success in the chosen field and two, the skill of teaching/coaching.

The best tennis coaches are excellent tennis players who can also teach well.

Life coaching therefore requires success at life as well as ability to coach or teach. Most of the supposed life coaches are the absolute opposite of success at life. For the most part they are losers whose only success is persuading fools to part with their money.

Frazzlerock · 04/04/2019 13:16

One of my closest friend's DH is a life coach (or transformation coach).
He has provided coaching for free for me and my DP over the past few months and has helped us immensely through a lot of shit that we have gone through (losing three babies, losing a job, health issues, relationship issues etc)
I would recommend him to anyone and he has certainly helped me to see how valuable life coaching really is.
I have seen many counsellors and had CBT which I thought was all crap. Friend's DH is the only person who has helped us through this shit.

He is hugely successful in what he does after he suffered a breakdown along with ME a few years ago. He turned himself around by getting into coaching. He now travels the world coaching people and providing seminars.

I'm sure there are charlatans out there, just as there are for anything. But my experience is excellent.

Awrighttreacle · 04/04/2019 13:20

Omg I am finding this thread fascinating.

Has anyone who initially thought they sounded a waste of time, been convinced otherwise after reading this thread?

Genuinely interested.

I have both been life coached and previously made steps towards becoming a life coach which I didn’t ultimately pursue.

If I had all the money I would definitely use a life coach again

Kennehora · 04/04/2019 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/04/2019 14:31

It's totally obvious that builders provide a useful service

Given the crazy number of claims against builders who have done massively flawed work I'm pretty sure not all of them are providing a useful service! But we're getting waaay off topic

MumsyJ · 04/04/2019 15:06

Life coach = bullshit! If it works for you (rarely), then good on you.

RuggyPeg · 04/04/2019 16:16

It's far more complex though than just good vs bad coaches. The massive increase in the number of 'female empowerment' coaches via MLM schemes is really damaging. The language they use and their branding is the opposite of empowering. It infantalises women with all the #bossbabe bullshit. I've worked with some fabulous corporate coaches who really do know how to help create change but these women have invariably achieved two thirds of fuck all, have serious problems and have no idea what it actually means to be an entrepreneur. It sucks vulnerable women in and perpetuates all kinds of outdated, sexist, disempowering (is that a word?!) nonsense.

Furrytoebean · 04/04/2019 16:24

Yeah I agree peg

I run a business which is pretty successful but because I run it on my own I was looking for a business coach to kick me in the arse and get me to look at creating systems and just have some fresh eyes on the business.
I asked around and got bombarded with loads of women talking to me about 'mindset' and 'affirmations'.

Now I believe you can learn something from anyone but I needed a proper business coach not someone to tell me to do a gratitude journal.

There's no way that if a man asked for a business coach people would think it was ok to do that.

bordellosboheme · 04/04/2019 16:35

Would you expect a therapist to sort out all their own problems. No! In the same way, coaching is just a set of tools. I have a pg certificate in coaching but have never used it to make money though used it a lot at work.

RuggyPeg · 04/04/2019 16:38

Furry - it's such a fine line though. It's not that what men do = good and what women do = bad. It's that kind of thinking that makes women think they're not good enough and have to act like (the stereotypical view of) men to advance their career (aggressive, demanding, take no shit etc). However, no business will ever get off the ground & grow if the owner is writing 'gratitude journals' and you're ded right - this would NEVER be suggested to men.

SwimmingKaren · 04/04/2019 16:40

I know a life coach who frequently posts inspirational stuff on Facebook about her “business journey” and “10k months” but I received her council tax bill in error (similar names) and know she’s getting benefits so something isn’t adding up. She was in a national newspaper talking about her relationship with her parents recently and just made herself sound awful and hypocritical tbh. She confuses me. Confused

SandyY2K · 04/04/2019 16:40

I know a life coach and I know someone who has used her and i know people who have used other life coaches.

They have been positive about them and said it was very helpful in making decisions and helped to see situations clearly.

Life coaching isn't something you would use if you're struggling for cash as it'se expensive, so it's more (IMO) used by middle class people.

It certainly doesn't mean you have to have a perfect life to be a life coach.

It's about guidance and direction, helping someone to identify their goals and working on a plan to achieve them.

As with any profession, there are bad ones out there. I've come across bad doctors, nurses, teachers etc... so why would a bad life coach be any different.

RuggyPeg · 04/04/2019 16:42

Bordello - it's not about being perfect or 'sorted' in order to coach someone else. The best corporate coach I know is a fuck up of epic proportions! However, they've been there, seen it, done it, fucked it up and done it all again! It's the cult-like nature of these MLM life coaches. It's the language they use, the tone of their marketing, the message they send. It's damaging and does nothing to help women get their lives and/or businesses together.