Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think “life coaches” really are something else

159 replies

Romax · 02/04/2019 18:19

I just don’t get it.
How someone can be so very sure that they have nailed “life” that they can actually coach others and charges for their “life expertise”

I’m thinking specifically of two women in my affluent SE town (perhaps it is a regional “thing”?) who have just set up a life coaching business. I just can’t work out how they would reach the conclusion that they are such a success in life that they can help others achieve what they have achieved (setting up a life coaching business!)

Am I BU to think that you really must think a lot of yourself to do this? Or have people genuinely benefited from life coaching services?

OP posts:
Dieu · 02/04/2019 19:00

@blueshoes

That's enormously presumptuous. I have no idea how you came to the conclusion that her success was handed to her on a plate, or that she has never had hardship to face Confused 

@StillWould

And the same could be said of any bona fide counsellor I've ever known.

Unfinishedkitchen · 02/04/2019 19:05

I think there are good careers coaches and probably life coaches out there. These are people with experience who can actually help. It’s an industry which has been going for a while and I know people who’ve successfully taken advice from career coaches in particular.

However, the former Forever Living bot I know who became a life coach is full of BS. She had professional photos made showing her dressed beautifully in front of a Mac. She looks the part but up until very recently she was desperately trying to build her ‘business’ as a ‘mumtrepreneur’flogging aloe to cure all manner of illnesses. Now she’s posting inspirational quotes on LinkedIn as a life coach. We’re not close but having been in her orbit, I know for a fact I would never follow any of her advice. She looks successful but it’s her mum that pays for her sons private school education and other stuff although she claimed on Facebook it was funded through Forever Living profits.

It’s sounds like the bots have moved on to another way to suck other women into spending money now they’ve run out of people to flog aloe too. If I were a reputable/experienced coach I’d be pretty pissed off I was being lumped in with this lot of opportunists.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 02/04/2019 19:07

Coaching (proper coaching ) is about creating a very structured framework for people to think about and adresss their issues . It’s termed as ‘time to think ‘ and can be very useful

That said I doubt these ladies did much training !

Likethewind321 · 02/04/2019 19:09

I know 2 life coaches. Both spend their 20s deeply unhappy with their lives and careers. One at least definitely had depression, the other did too, in my opinion.
In their 30s they both turned a corner. Ine went travelling, the other had a baby.
Now, feeling happy for the first time in their adult lives, they feel they have ‘cracked’ life.
Maybe they have good advice to offer those who are similarly lost, but I do wish they’d stop preaching to me, I don’t need it!

RuggyPeg · 02/04/2019 19:17

It's a load of old bollocks. It's MLM nonsense and very cult-like. They're all CEOs apparently and throw words like empowerment and higher vibrations around. It makes me cringe myself inside out. I too know someone who's been sucked into this shit and her life is a disaster zone of epic proportions behind closed doors. She could do with coaching herself before she tries it on other people.

blueshoes · 02/04/2019 19:22

@blueshoes That's enormously presumptuous. I have no idea how you came to the conclusion that her success was handed to her on a plate, or that she has never had hardship to face confused

You are right. I don't know your friend from Adam. The outward trappings you describe don't give her any credentials as a life coach in my eyes. Sounds like MLM gush. I also don't know what makes you think she is any good. I assume you have used her yourself? 

HeyNannyNanny · 02/04/2019 19:29

Isn't saying a life coach must have a perfect life like saying a counsellor must have no negative emotions or troubles of of their own?

Sounds like there are a lot of charlatans out their, but a genuine life coach is someone who provides a neutral but informed environment in which a person can explore their aspirations and plan how to meet them. They also are there to boost confidence and provide emotional and practical support.

HermioneWeasley · 02/04/2019 19:29

The only life coaches I know are epic disasters, but terribly pleased with themselves and always posting on social media about how “blessed” they are

Dieu · 02/04/2019 19:37

I have no idea what MLM actually means. All I know is that she has been a close personal friend for many years, and very supportive in that context. I would imagine she has more credentials than most to make a go of this. And that people looking for this type of support could most definitely end up with worse. And when I asked if she'd practise her training on me, she replied no, that it wouldn't be right to do it with someone you know so well.
Feel free to judge away though!

snarfblatt · 02/04/2019 19:39

I know a couple of life coaches including a family member. I have had coaching myself. I was sceptical but it was a great experience and I found it similar to - and actually more useful than - CBT. Neither of the coaches I know match the profile of any of the MLM/sahm/unemployables that are being described on this thread; they're professionals with decades of senior corporate experience who have a genuine passion for wanting to help others discover their potential.

That said, as an industry I think it's wide open to abuse and like anything that you can 'easily' train for will attract bullshitters, chancers and no-hopers. It was done very well on Peep Show some years back Grin

Original poster
Romax · 02/04/2019 19:44

@snarfblatt

they're professionals with decades of senior corporate experience who have a genuine passion for wanting to help others discover their potential.

What you have described is a careers coach. And as I said upthread - I do see benefit in this role.

“Life” coach? No

OP posts:
Happyspud · 02/04/2019 19:44

I think there’s a LOT of people who would benefit from a decent life coach. There is stuff I don’t know about how to achieve things and get the best out of life for my family but I’ve been privileged in many ways so can see how things work better than most people. I’m often shocked at the choices that many many people make in life that lead them to negative places. So is life coaching not like mimicking privilege? A huge part of privilege is your parents knowing how to place you in life. That’s what (good) life coaches should be able to help you with.

But people sooner race to the bottom and sneer at others because they’ve less than achieved their dreams. It’s human nature.

Happyspud · 02/04/2019 19:46

Just to add, there are few few people knowledgable or talented enough to BE a life coach because most of the people who would be amazing at it are to busy achieving things for themselves.

So if you find an actually good life coach, they’re a rare beast I’d say.

BareBelliedSneetch · 02/04/2019 19:49

I’m sure there are genuine, and good, life coaches out there.

But there is also an MLM mode life coach thing about, because a friend is one. I’m not sure if her exact company, as I’ve been avoiding it. But her FB went from relatively Normal to full of absolute BS. And she went to some giant conference in the states with the people she tags in her BS. And it has ALL the MLM hallmarks.

Goldenhedgehogs · 02/04/2019 19:56

I went to a life coach, did two or three sessions and it helped enormously. I had returned to a very full on job after taking two years out of the job market, I had three kids aged 3,4 and 6 and was feeling shit at being a mum and shit at my job. The life coach helped me get through the first shell shocked months of returning to work. Gave me tools to use to make decisions and try and get some work life balance. Because of her I didn't quit my job and managed returning to work. Yes, lots I could have got from books but I would never have got round to it. One strategy I still use today she taught me was to think, if I say yes to that what am I saying no too.

PickAChew · 02/04/2019 20:00

It's as much emperor's new clothes as business consultants with a string of failed businesses and unpaid creditors behind them.

Mangetoutrodney · 02/04/2019 20:05

Err, I know someone who is a careers advisor at a uni and loves it! Varied, interesting job helping people

BeanBag7 · 02/04/2019 20:09

The only time I've ever heard of a liver coach was when Jeremy became on on Peep Show. Unemployed, serially single stoner with no money becomes life coach...

Original poster
Romax · 02/04/2019 20:17

So is life coaching not like mimicking privilege? A huge part of privilege is your parents knowing how to place you in life. That’s what (good) life coaches should be able to help you with.

This to me sounds like the kind of woolly abstract ultimately completely daft statement I’d imagine a life coach to make!

“A huge part of privilege is your parents knowing how to place you in life”

What does that actually mean (bugger all)

OP posts:
powershowerforanhour · 02/04/2019 20:36

"Life coach" always makes me think of the dad in shorts on the scooter in Little Miss Sunshine.

Lumene · 02/04/2019 20:50

What do you mean by ‘life coach’?

Some random who has taken a weekend course and chooses to call themselves a coach is very different from someone who has taken a professional qualification and is a member of a professional coaching body with a code of ethics, a thorough and demanding accreditation process, and a continued CPD requirement.

I worked with a coach early in my professional career and learnt a lot about how to communicate at work and with family, how to understand perspectives other than my own, what my strengths are, and how to budget and keep things tidy. It wasn’t her telling me how to do these things,it was listening, asking good questions and helping me clarify what I wanted and set structured goals.

I did a lot of research and spoke to quite a few coaches. Some were great, others were not, others just weren’t right for me.

Abcd3 · 02/04/2019 21:09

I think a healthy dose of scepticism is good - as others have said, there are bound to be charlatans out there - but I wouldn’t totally write it off. A lovely, sincere and honest friend of mine trained as a coach. She specialises in business coaching (drawing on years of experience as a manager), but her training also involved general coaching, i.e. life coaching, and she does that too. She studied hard for over a year and had to pass assessments (where assessors listened in on her coaching sessions) and submit written work. She explained to me that coaching is absolutely not about giving advice; that would actually be wrong. Coaches do not at all claim to have the answers to people’s problems. The idea is that clients come to them with a specific goal, e.g. weight loss, getting a new job, etc., and the coach asks questions to help them identify what specifically they want to achieve, what steps they need to take to get there, what things might get in the way of taking those steps, and how they can overcome obstacles.

blueshoes · 02/04/2019 21:13

Lumene, what made you seek out a life coach as opposed to, say, reading self-help books. What do you think is the value added of a good life coach (as opposed to career coach).

Did you pay for the coach yourself or did your employer pay.

NewToldDreams · 02/04/2019 21:18

Interesting thread in all sorts of ways.

A huge part of privilege is your parents knowing how to place you in life

^ I really get that! And think its an excellent comment and observation, and I recognise it as some kind of truth.

I always remember reading about Richard Burton's life. One of the reasons he was so successful was that he was taken under the wing of a teacher at school who recognised his academic and acting talent. He even legally adopted Richard Burton and had him go to live with him in his final years of schooling!! (Richard Burtons' real father was a welsh miner, father of 12 or something, a drinker with little real interest in his son's life or talents)

ScreamingValenta · 02/04/2019 21:19

There's probably an element of self-fulfilling prophecy at work when someone seeks out a life coach.

Employing a coach shows a motivation to start changing your life, and is actually a way of taking a practical step towards this, so there's a pre-determination of success.

As pps have said, the actual quality of coaching will vary wildly, but there will always be a kind of placebo effect for the person being coached.