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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand why people want a nice house?

342 replies

tittletattlelolo · 02/04/2019 16:33

My two friends are into buying plants/cushions/ornaments/flowers etc etc for their house but i don't get it.
What's the point? Only the people living in it see it.
As long as you have the basics fridge /bed etc
Why do you need all the rest?
A bloody tray with scented candles /those smelly things with the sticks etc
I've tried to get into homey things but I just can't
Am I the only woman who doesn't get it?

OP posts:
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6
lottiegarbanzo · 03/04/2019 13:05

Would you say that you know who you are OP?

Or are you someone who follows rules and conforms to norms in order to fit in and get things done?

Does it bemuse you that other people do have a strong sense of self and personal taste and the ability to express that confidently?

Or am I reading far too much into a dig at your friends' 'twigs and pebbly shit' fussy decorative style?

Happynow001 · 03/04/2019 13:16

Because Home (capital "H" 😊) is often a haven from the rest of the world.

Crushed and annoying commuting, being surrounded by sometimes difficult people, hard/horrible job, maybe not having your own personal space at work - just the business of living! It's great to come into a welcoming environment which has your own personal stamp on, kick off your shoes and let your sanctuary envelope you until you have it leave it again for whatever reason.

Not everyone enjoys the practical, minimalist look OP. And surely life would be so boring in we were all the same? 🤗

Daenerys77 · 03/04/2019 13:18

I like to make my living space attractive for the same reasons that I like to cook a delicious meal rather than just open a tin and feed myself enough calories to keep me going; life is about more than survival.

ShabbyAbby · 03/04/2019 13:20

I have lived in poor housing for years now through a combination of council and private. I've had to deal with damp, mould, Rot, no heating, leaky roofs and plumbing, lack of space, various kinds of insects including moths, silverfish, bed bugs, fleas, ants, and roaches, overcrowding, etc. Etc.

What makes these environments manageable? I create little corners of tranquility. Pictures on walls, candles by the bath, a brightly coloured throw or some comfy cushions to lie back on at the end of a long day, a welcoming mat or door sign at the door, pot plants, wind chimes, lamps or lights, attractive storage boxes or containers, mobiles or dream catchers, etc. Etc. Sometimes it's a bit like polishing a turd, but it makes it liveable. And everybody I know who has been in this kind of housing and is now in much better housing, takes that with them as I will and continues to try and improve their environment.

There seems very naturally organically human about not only sweeping the cave, but decorating it with flowers and feathers.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 13:22

Op, you've still not responded if your home makes you happy. So I'm suspecting the answer is it does not.

Why is what others think so important to you? That you can only have nice things in your home if others will see them, and if it's just you, your not worth it, and you wear make up because you primarily want to look good for others?

Why aren't you important?

RomanyQueen1 · 03/04/2019 13:27

I'm not into fussy, but I'd never knock anyone else for their taste.
We don't have those air freshener things as they make us all sneeze, the same with reed diffusers.
We don't have fussy window dressings, or tables with ornate stuff on it, maybe the odd smelly candle (not air freshener type)

We are all different, some people have rooms full of dusty books, we have piles of music and a room dedicated to being a complete tip.
It isn't a room visitors would go in, so we aren't bothered, it looks lived in.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 03/04/2019 13:39

All the love life and laugh wall art ..it's just too much for me.

I'm coming round to your way of thinking OP now I know where you've started from (i.e. Mrs Hinch).

I like my house to look nice. I doubt I always get it right but I've never been able to understand buying an ornament for the sake of buying an ornament. To me, there has to be some meaning behind them, not just a white china statue of some random shape. I go by the William Morris maxim of "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to beautiful." (Ironically you can get a wall plaque with that quote on it which has amused me no end as it is neither particularly beautiful and it's certainly not useful!)

I buy a couple of house magazines a month because I like looking at judging other people's houses and seeing if I can "steal" any of their ideas.

RomanyQueen1 · 03/04/2019 13:46

All the love life and laugh wall art ..it's just too much for me.

Ha Ha, me and dil borrowed loads of this stuff from friends and put it all over their house when they moved in.
Ds came in and started taking it down, he was quite put out that his fiance had such taste.
We knew he hated the stuff, it was so funny.

Those words that tell you what the item is 'Bath" "Home" etc. Grin

tittletattlelolo · 03/04/2019 14:00

@Bluntness100 tbh my house is somewhere to sleep.
I'm more into going out places /day trips etc
Rather depressing in my house on my own.
My house is just a reminder of that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 14:04

Op, I mean this gently, but could it be depressing because it's bare and empty?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/04/2019 14:20

@Bluntness100 has said exactly what I was thinking - your house might be less depressing if you made it more homely and welcoming.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/04/2019 15:23

Maybe one day you'll welcome someone / other people into your home who make(s) it a more cheerful place for you.

I think the exuberance of flowers, cushions etc is an expression of happiness that while internal, derives from being with other people.

In the meantime, you could consider yourself a displaced participant in continental cafe culture. It's very normal in European cities for people and families to live in little flats, so spend time alone and socialising outside and in cafes.

RedWineAllMine · 03/04/2019 15:29

😂 Oh OP!
Get ya self down to B&M, I'm sure you'll change your mind then! You go in for one thing but come out with a car load

greenpop21 · 03/04/2019 15:30

You can have a nice house AND do day trips OP. Feather your nest!

needanappp · 03/04/2019 15:32

Also agree with @Bluntness100 maybe you could make your home less depressing by adding little touches that make it feel cosy for you. Whether that be a lick of paint, a blanket, a candle, whatever.

The fact that you find spending time alone in your home depressing is precisely the answer to your question why people want a nice house Smile

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/04/2019 15:32

I'm not sure a car load of anything from B&M is ever going to make a house nice.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/04/2019 15:34

The OP may still be depressed on her own in her house even if it is 'nice'.

Maybe it's company of people not things, that she wants.

NunoGoncalves · 03/04/2019 16:03

We've solved it! The root of your problems is your lack of possessions, OP! You just need to spend more money and buy more things, then you'll be happy like the rest of us!

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2019 16:12

It's not purely about spending more money and buying more things s such, but most people know living in a bare home, with no personal or comforting touches can be very depressing indeed, it is neither a warm or a welcome space and few people would wish to spend time there.

A poster has already said, she doesn't spend money, she fills her home with things she finds on her nature walks, that she loves.. Others do crafts, whatever,

Making a home that you love and wish to spend time in, is not materialistic, it's not about "stuff" as such, and it's highly ludicrous to suggest that's what this boils down to. As another pp said, even caveman decorated their caves. And that didn't include buying stuff now did it?

needanappp · 03/04/2019 16:16

I don't think anyone is suggesting that buying things for her home will solve all of OP's problems. Simply that the majority of people would likely feel depressed if their house was empty bar the essentials.

The little things help to make a house a home. By no means does it rid anyone of their issues but clearly a large proportion of the population find that these touches help them to feel more content in their home or their wouldn't be a market for them.

It's not for everyone of course but OP has stated that she finds her house depressing and people have simply suggested that this is the reason people buy homely items and maybe it could help her to feel better about her home. It may, it may not but I don't think anyone is being as shallow as to suggest that possessions = elemental wellbeing.

needanappp · 03/04/2019 16:17

There wouldn't be a market for them * wrong there sorry!

needanappp · 03/04/2019 16:18

Possessions = mental well-being * wow my spelling is on top form this afternoon!!

bridgetreilly · 03/04/2019 16:20

Rather depressing in my house on my own. My house is just a reminder of that.

Whereas my house, in which I live on my own, is a celebration of the fact that I can have it exactly the way I want it, without having to please anyone else. It makes me so happy, every time I walk through the door. Why wouldn't you want to make your home a haven of happiness, given the choice?

bridgetreilly · 03/04/2019 16:22

I think the exuberance of flowers, cushions etc is an expression of happiness that while internal, derives from being with other people.

Nonsense. Some people might derive happiness from being with other people. Some of us derive it from not having to be with other people. And both kinds can enjoy exuberant flowers and cushions.

bridgetreilly · 03/04/2019 16:24

OP, you say that wearing make up makes you feel good about yourself. Can you not see that having a lovely home could also make someone - even maybe you?! - feel good about themselves?

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