To be annoyed that he doesn't care about our family holiday

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

The kids and I are off to Devon today for five nights. It's a Groupon deal which I bought last year. I invited dp but he didn't want to go so I invited my parents instead as I can't control my 3 and 2 year old on my own for five nights.
Finances have been really tight this month, car died, nursery is 99% of my wage packet (yes really) and our tax credits have been stopped till May. I can't borrow anymore so I budgeted really hard and managed to save £100 for our holiday. Then I had to spend £50 of it to rent a cement mixer for an extra day which wasn't something anyone could have predicted.
I mentioned this to dp a week ago before he got paid. He didn't say anything. I said again on Saturday that I really didn't think £50 was enough for 5 nights even being as frugal as I can possibly be. Yesterday he gave me £20 to go to the shop and buy him a multipack of beer and a bottle of wine for me for Mother's Day (yes I had to walk to the shop with my daughter on her balance bike to buy my own Mothers Day present.) I asked if I could get some cash out for the holiday. He said he couldn't afford it as he had the mortgage and council tax to pay. A little background, he pays about a third of what other people pay for the mortgage as my grandparents gave me a lump sum of £200,000 for my house deposit.
I'm so sick of having to be so frugal all the time and getting nothing back. He knows nothing of all the sacrifices I make. The kids have shoes until their well into primary school as I buy job lots at car boots and sell their old ones online. I eat porridge for breakfast and lunch sometimes as it's cheap and filling. My card gets declined so much I don't even flinch anymore. But I don't mind as I'm an adult and in someways it's my fault that I'm broke due to making some bad career decisions.
This holiday is for the kids though. It's a horrid holiday park with entertainment and splash pools and a soft play. I'd be off to Krakow if I had my choice of mini break. It breaks my heart that I'm going to spend the whole holiday saying no to them. £50 is only really going to cover our food for five days and I really don't want to ask my parents (again!)

@RavenLG If she wanted help with essentials like the childcare, fair enough, but going on holiday is a luxury, a choice.

OP tell your Parents,you are in an abusive relationship

Abuse doesn't have to be physical OP to be wrong!

Tell your parents everything that is going on with the dickhead and money,I'm sure if they can afford it they'd love being able to spoil they're GC and they're DD.

Please start making plans to get rid of this arsehole,no good man says no to £10,000 extra a year and being closer to home and getting to spend more time with they're family,he is not a good man!

I don't agree with joint finance and can't stand spoilt brats like the OP who expect to depend on their partners financially

I hope youre not being serious? spoilt brat? fucking SERIOUSLY?

is he not depending on her by expecting her to pay for 100% of childcare costs for THEIR children?

Do you honestly believe he is a great Dad? What is he teaching his children about how to take care of his partner and children? He would rather spend money on beer for himself then ensure they have food this week. You appear to have already asked him for money and he has said no. I’m not sure what else you can do other then consider your options longer term.

@AlmostGrockle a caravan park for £100 when she could previously afford it is hardly a luxury. And they are his kids and partner.... why should he not pay his half?? Yes she chose to go on the holiday before circs changed but she can't afford it because she pays everything but the bloody mortgage!

If you think that's acceptable your standards are well below par

Who's going to fetch his beer when his wife's away

@BlackPrism If she could have properly afforded it at the time she should have put the spending money aside for it at the time, not expected her partner to pay for something he hadn't agreed to months down the line.

If she could have properly afforded it at the time she should have put the spending money aside for it at the time, not expected her partner to pay for something he hadn't agreed to months down the line

RTFT, she did!!!!

also, if her partner paid half the bills shed have no problem saving, would she? explain that one please!

Oh and just to add. When I brought my first house with XH I put in £40,000 as a deposit, which was partly an inheritance I received and partly my savings. We had a verbal agreement that it was to be returned if we ever separated. Well guess what? He went after every penny the moment we split. And he got half, as there was nothing in writing.

AlmostGrockle Of course, another alternative is that this free loading cock lodger could pay her back all the money she spent on giving his family a holiday and presents and then SHE could afford to take THEIR children on holiday.

Hope you've got that 200 grand ring fenced....

Don't get down on your knees 'ASKING' and scratching around for 50 quid from this twunt.

Leave him and take this power away you seem to have somehow given him

he is good with money in that he doesn't make impulsive decisions like I do.

These impulsive decisions you make are they expensive and are there many of them each month?

If so I can sort of see why he doesn't want a joint account as you may burn through the money needed to pay the mortgage and bills.

Argh forgot to say don't go buying his family things with your money, he should be paying for them not you.

What's that analogous about the house being on fire but someone being worried about the curtains.

That's you.

You're relationship at the moment is a shit show but you're worried about the caravan.
He's fin silly abusive. He is a shit partner as he will watch you Starve and struggling while he sends you for beers (what the fuck!)
And he's a shit father because he's about to allow his children to go hungry on the holiday.

Forget the caravan. Get rid of him!

GET OUT.

For the love of god leave him.

Op this is a bit underhanded but if your grandparents that gave you the money are still alive can you sign an agreement saying it was a loan to be paid back?
Then divorce the financially abusive prick, sell the house 'repay' gp's as per 'agreement ' and then get another house just in your name?

OP has said he is DP not DH. Op has also said they bought as tenants in common so the deposit should be ok. Anything beyond that why would it not be shared? DP has contributed to the mortgage.

OP you also said you reduced your hours relatively recently. Did you speak to your partner about that in advance? Did he agree? Could it be the case that your communication as a couple is at fault here? There’s a world of difference between being told what to do and agreeing priorities together. It doesn’t sound like you are agreeing goals together. Did he not want to go on holiday because he didn’t want to be with you or because he felt you couldn’t afford it?

Wrong thread @woodpigeons

Surely grockle is the dp

@AlmostGrockle maybe if her shitehouse of a partner contributed to essential living she could save half her outgoings and afford a holiday!

Ah thanks lozter, sorry i was squint reading without my glasses

It’s terrible that you are struggling financially whereas he can afford beer but chooses not to help out his partner.
It’s his family too, they’re his kids, what kind of man sits on his arse and watches his kids live hand to mouth solely on their mum’s salary?
And what kind of man can’t be arsed to go on holiday with his own kids?
He sounds like a complete deadbeat who contributes nothing. He’s not a good dad at all, change that thinking. Please leave him and go through CSA to make him pay his fair split. A complete waste of space. You shouldn’t be carrying this alone but you might as well be alone at this point.

because she's the one choosing to go on holiday when she clearly can't afford to, that's her problem not his

Then by that reckoning he cannot afford to live with the op as where was his financial contribution to the mortgage deposit.

His family should pay for their own holidays and if they cannot afford it then they shouldn’t be asking op to pay.

He should be paying for his families Christmas presents. If he cannot afford this then that is up to him.

There wouldn’t be any children because op’s dh cannot afford to pay for his share of the childcare bill.

AlmostGrockle
If this is your standard then you really have set the bar low.

I think the op by your reckoning of what she can or cannot afford would be better off as a single parent with the dh paying half of his children’s costs.

The person who cannot afford everything is op’s dh who seems to not realise he needs to start earning money to actually pay his expenses and not rely on his wife who is going without do he can get beers which he really cannot afford.