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Original poster

To be annoyed that he doesn't care about our family holiday

125 replies

ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 01/04/2019 09:00

The kids and I are off to Devon today for five nights. It's a Groupon deal which I bought last year. I invited dp but he didn't want to go so I invited my parents instead as I can't control my 3 and 2 year old on my own for five nights.
Finances have been really tight this month, car died, nursery is 99% of my wage packet (yes really) and our tax credits have been stopped till May. I can't borrow anymore so I budgeted really hard and managed to save £100 for our holiday. Then I had to spend £50 of it to rent a cement mixer for an extra day which wasn't something anyone could have predicted.
I mentioned this to dp a week ago before he got paid. He didn't say anything. I said again on Saturday that I really didn't think £50 was enough for 5 nights even being as frugal as I can possibly be. Yesterday he gave me £20 to go to the shop and buy him a multipack of beer and a bottle of wine for me for Mother's Day (yes I had to walk to the shop with my daughter on her balance bike to buy my own Mothers Day present.) I asked if I could get some cash out for the holiday. He said he couldn't afford it as he had the mortgage and council tax to pay. A little background, he pays about a third of what other people pay for the mortgage as my grandparents gave me a lump sum of £200,000 for my house deposit.
I'm so sick of having to be so frugal all the time and getting nothing back. He knows nothing of all the sacrifices I make. The kids have shoes until their well into primary school as I buy job lots at car boots and sell their old ones online. I eat porridge for breakfast and lunch sometimes as it's cheap and filling. My card gets declined so much I don't even flinch anymore. But I don't mind as I'm an adult and in someways it's my fault that I'm broke due to making some bad career decisions.
This holiday is for the kids though. It's a horrid holiday park with entertainment and splash pools and a soft play. I'd be off to Krakow if I had my choice of mini break. It breaks my heart that I'm going to spend the whole holiday saying no to them. £50 is only really going to cover our food for five days and I really don't want to ask my parents (again!)

OP posts:
Margot33 · 01/04/2019 11:52

He is finacially abusing you. That's not right. You need to talk to him. Set up a shared account. You should be sharing the cost of childcare equally . Look at when Bill's get paid. You 'll see how much money there is spare. You cannot keep living like this.

AlmostGrockle · 01/04/2019 11:53

I agree with him. It's you who wants to go on holiday, you should pay for it.

whitesoxx · 01/04/2019 11:54

Should she pay for his family to go on holiday too? No

SandyY2K · 01/04/2019 11:57

It was pure madness putting his name on the house. I don't know why women hook up with such useless men and have kids with them. He sounds like an utter waste of space. I feel sorry for you.

He couldn't even get off his backside to buy your MD gift.

Yet you call him a good dad! Your bar is way too low.

BlackPrism · 01/04/2019 12:01

@AlmostGrockle but she paid for everything else - childcare, their clothes, the mixer. Why can't he pay a small amount towards enriching his children's lives and giving his partner a small reprise?

Not the kind of partnership I would want...

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/04/2019 12:01

Tbh we don’t have his point of view

I don't think we need his point of view, he doesn't even want to go on holiday or contribute to HIS OWN CHILDREN ffs, I don't think its anything to do with ops spending, I think he is a wanker!

elfies · 01/04/2019 12:03

The kids are a joint responsibility, the house repairs a joint responsibility , the same with travel food or childcare .
The least he can do is give you money for travel food and spends for HIS kids . Ask , keep a record of his answers , and please tell your parents and go to womens aid ..next week if you can . get your Ducks lined up and come back fighting .
What happens when the kids are older , need uniform, money for trips cash for school dinners ..what then ?
Please assert yourself , for them , don't have them growing up thinking this is normal ..It isn't , he isn't . Sorry but he just isn't !!

AlmostGrockle · 01/04/2019 12:06

@BlackPrism because she's the one choosing to go on holiday when she clearly can't afford to, that's her problem not his.

AlmostGrockle · 01/04/2019 12:08

@WhiteSox No-one forced her to. She could have said no to him.

CaMePlaitPas · 01/04/2019 12:11

Honestly OP, I would withdraw half of whatever was in that joint account, go on holiday and then LTB when I got back.

CaMePlaitPas · 01/04/2019 12:11

How dare he.

tomhazard · 01/04/2019 12:11

@BlackPrism because she's the one choosing to go on holiday when she clearly can't afford to, that's her problem not his

Entertaining kids costs money at home too. A few nights in a caravan is not a massive deal and her DH should contribute to the cost to the entertainment of their joint young children. She would have more money if her DH contributed to fucking shoes and basics anyway.

MissingInActionYouSay · 01/04/2019 12:12

@AlmostGrockle they are supposed to be a team and he is choosing not to go on holiday with HIS children and he is not splitting finances equally....she paid for HIS family to have a holiday and presents but he has not reimbursed her. SHE pays childcare, it should be SHARED. She eats porridge twice a day to save money while he buys beer!!!!

Are you intentionally trying to be a goady fuck are do you apply these same shite standards to your own relationships?

tomhazard · 01/04/2019 12:14

I took my kids to Devon caravan park in Feb half term - I needed a break and so did they. DH couldn't come and it wasn't his idea but he supported it financially so that his kids could have a nice few days and he entertained. Hardly unreasonable

Ballbags · 01/04/2019 12:14

Why do people put up with this shit? And threads like this always start with the OP having a valid issue which they swiftly follow up with "oh but he's a great dad" bullshit.

And to put £200k into a house (with someone you're not married to!) but live like a pauper is madness.

gamerwidow · 01/04/2019 12:16

Why is it just you that is skint now though? Childcare is a joint cost. Why are you not pooling your money to pay the bills and give you both the same disposable income? Separate finances are fine (me and DH don’t have a joint account) but they only work when both parties have a similar income and are contributing equally. If one person is scrambling around for money to make ends meet and the other can buy whatever they like then it isn’t working.

JenniferJareau · 01/04/2019 12:22

On the plus, he is a great dad

No he is not when he sends you out for beer with money that could go towards the holiday and his kids having more fun.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 01/04/2019 12:23

@AlmostGrockle she booked the holiday when she had a better income, she didn't know that 6 months on she'd be so hard up

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/04/2019 12:23

because she's the one choosing to go on holiday when she clearly can't afford to, that's her problem not his

yeah she cant afford to, because she single handed funds the children by the sounds of it, while he works a min wage job by choice and pays for fuck all!

AudTheDeepMinded · 01/04/2019 12:27

Whaaaaaat?
Answer this, would you tell his family and your family what the situation is? do you keep it a secret because you are ashamed?
If the answer to that question is that you don't tell anyone else that is because you KNOW it's not right for a husband and father to be treating his life partner and cherished children in this way!
Seriously, he an abusive arsehole. Get out of there.

averythinline · 01/04/2019 12:33

I'm confused so just want to check that

they are his DC - yes
you own the house in common-even though you put in 200k!
you gave up a better paid job - to reduce childcare costs that you only pay for ....

he doesnt pay for food or clothing of his children.....

If this is the case and he is such a good father he wouldnt change to a better paying closer job...

then you really need to have a think ...maybe talk to your family about how to get out of this mess......as you have got yourself in an awful position - you have given him half your GP money.....

look up sunk costs fallacy before you make any more decisions...

In your position I would go back to better paid job so you can afford a better mortgage.... sell this house unless you can buy him out somehow (family help?????) and buy somewhere you can afford..

take the holiday and plan your fresh start because this is shit way to live and if you can get jobs that easily and family support then you have a much brighter future without this wanker....

..
th

AlmostGrockle · 01/04/2019 12:38

@MissingInActionYouSay Yes I do apply the same 'shit standards' as you put it to my own relationship.

I don't agree with joint finance and can't stand spoilt brats like the OP who expect to depend on their partners financially.

Youseethethingis · 01/04/2019 12:46

Right, nobody feed the troll! Pretend it’s not there and it will hopefully go away.
OP is in a shit situation and deserves support and advice, not to have her thread derailed by some twat that thinks a “dad” should only contribute sperm and nothing after that.

Order654 · 01/04/2019 12:47

AlmostGrockle she’s taking his fucking children on holiday!!! He should give her some money instead of being a cunt.

RavenLG · 01/04/2019 12:47

I don't agree with joint finance and can't stand spoilt brats like the OP who expect to depend on their partners financially.

Aye, nowt says spoilt brat like expecting your children's father to contribute to the costs of raising them. Spoiled as fuck to expect your children's dad to pay towards taking them on holiday, bratty kids shouldn't even get a holiday right? It's totally spoilt to expect a partner to contribute to shared living costs and household expenses.

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