To be annoyed that he doesn't care about our family holiday

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The kids and I are off to Devon today for five nights. It's a Groupon deal which I bought last year. I invited dp but he didn't want to go so I invited my parents instead as I can't control my 3 and 2 year old on my own for five nights.
Finances have been really tight this month, car died, nursery is 99% of my wage packet (yes really) and our tax credits have been stopped till May. I can't borrow anymore so I budgeted really hard and managed to save £100 for our holiday. Then I had to spend £50 of it to rent a cement mixer for an extra day which wasn't something anyone could have predicted.
I mentioned this to dp a week ago before he got paid. He didn't say anything. I said again on Saturday that I really didn't think £50 was enough for 5 nights even being as frugal as I can possibly be. Yesterday he gave me £20 to go to the shop and buy him a multipack of beer and a bottle of wine for me for Mother's Day (yes I had to walk to the shop with my daughter on her balance bike to buy my own Mothers Day present.) I asked if I could get some cash out for the holiday. He said he couldn't afford it as he had the mortgage and council tax to pay. A little background, he pays about a third of what other people pay for the mortgage as my grandparents gave me a lump sum of £200,000 for my house deposit.
I'm so sick of having to be so frugal all the time and getting nothing back. He knows nothing of all the sacrifices I make. The kids have shoes until their well into primary school as I buy job lots at car boots and sell their old ones online. I eat porridge for breakfast and lunch sometimes as it's cheap and filling. My card gets declined so much I don't even flinch anymore. But I don't mind as I'm an adult and in someways it's my fault that I'm broke due to making some bad career decisions.
This holiday is for the kids though. It's a horrid holiday park with entertainment and splash pools and a soft play. I'd be off to Krakow if I had my choice of mini break. It breaks my heart that I'm going to spend the whole holiday saying no to them. £50 is only really going to cover our food for five days and I really don't want to ask my parents (again!)

Can I ask why most of your wages go on child care? You need childcare when both of you are at work so you are both responsible for paying for it.

For fuck's sake don't tell us you put that money in without it being ring fenced and PLEASE tell us you are on the deeds!!

Oh and he is a piece of shit

What impulsive decisions do you make - because that sounds like he has made you think that which is a classic form of abuse

Please tell me that your deposit is ringfenced in the house and that both names are on the deeds

How much does he earn and how much does he pay towards anything that isnt the mortgage and council tax.

If he is such a great father does he pay towards them. spend time with them or what to do on holiday

Sorry OP this sounds terribly abusive - emotionally and financially

It's in both our names. He had no history of behaving like this prior to buying the house. I think he thinks he's made it now. At the same time though, he takes no pride in the house and it's up to me (as always) to buy things for it and make it homely. I know that he doesn't feel about it the way I do which is that I feel bloody proud to have worked so hard for it, and for all the sacrifices that my grandparents made to save that money for me. It makes me a bit emotional when I walk up to the front door.
There's so many aspects to this. He does a job that pays just over minimum wage even though he's a skilled professional. He also works the furthest from our house that you could possibly work. I found him a job paying £10,000 more a year that he could have easily got and it was walking distance from our house and Mon to Fri so he might actually see the kids at weekends when they're at school. He just said 'I don't like change.' Well I don't like change either but I've had to take a massive pay cut and move industries just so I can work school hours to save on childcare. But I did it, for the good of the family.

why do you pay all of the childcare then OP

You need to get some counselling and legal advice because I suspect somewhere he has a lot of money saved - what does he spend on himself?

Now I haven’t looked in detail at this but I know I don’t actually pay council tax in April. It’s a peculiarity of the billing system I receive.....

He doesn't sound like a great dad. He sounds like a lazy, selfish, cocklodging waste of space.

He sounds fucking horrible.

Before this thread goes the way of LTB, and he may well be a B, may I ask if you ever sat down to plan your finances? Work out how much is coming on, what needs to come out, decide if a joint account for family expenses would help budgeting?

I mean this well, but neither of you sound financially astute based on what you have said. It may seem like the tip of the iceberg but spending £20 on beer and wine and booking even a cheap holiday when you can’t afford to eat isn’t prioritising.

Time to sit down and work out a plan with DP.

Are you married? He is not a good person.

Why are you calling him your partner? Sorry - didn’t mean that to sound so harsh but seriously - there is you and the kids literally scraping by and then, quite separately, there is him with his money to flash for beers (which he is ‘sending’ you out for WTF ). There is no togetherness, no team, no family here.

Does he know that you eat porridge to save money? Have you ever taken him to task on this? He is being totally financially abusive. Is he really worth it?

Oh and he is categorically NOT a good dad if he thinks its fine to send you off with only £50 to your name. It’s not like he is saying he doesnt think that treats are important - at this level of spending money, just eating is going to be an issue.

Is this am April fools thread? Honestly there is so much wrong with this I don’t know where to start.
Please think about your future with this man

If child care cost all your wages, I would change jobs, go part time and see your children more.

Did you buy as joint tenants or tenants in common?

@GiveMeAllTheGin8 I'm thinking the same!

He sounds horrible. Please tell me if you split you get the deposit back.

Wow. I'd be asking him for £100 not as a loan so you can feed his kids and give them a half decent holiday. What a selfish prick

This does not bode well for your long term future...agree with other posters, he is not a good dad if he isn't providing for his children. I would be consulting a solicitor about that deposit and booting him out on his arse.

Tenants in common.
As with all things in life, finances can change a lot in six months. Six months ago I made a lot of financial decisions based on the money I was earning. Now I'm on a much much lower wage, I've take a £5 an hour paycut, so I can be walking distance to dds school, and so I can work flexitime and for a much better pension/ promotion prospects.
Therefore at the moment we are struggling. The Groupon deal I booked in November obviously looks daft now but I had to book it or I'd loose my money. I've already cancelled my summer holiday. I work really hard and I deserve five nights in a caravan otherwise what is the point in waking up at 6, putting my screaming toddler in a car, missing out on seeing him four days a week?
Usually my childcare is paid for mostly by tax credits and my child benefit but it's been stopped till May. Hence why I am so skint now.

£50 to feed 3 adults plus children? I couldn’t do that at home never mind on holiday. Why isn’t he going on a family holiday?

Have you heard of the freedom program OP?

My ExH was like this. Kids were in second hand clothes (not that there's anything wrong with that but I wasn't allowed to spend out on new) and holes in their shoes but he had fags and booze. If I bought new shoes I was sworn and shouted at for spending money. I was living off cornflakes twice a day while he was withdrawing cash to buy lunch at work. It got worse as time went on.

He is financially abusing you and your kids. He is not a great dad at all. Not by a long shot.

Tbh we don’t have his point of view . Do you spend a lot of money ? Is that why he doesn’t want a joint bank account ?
You need to sit down together and discuss your finances, child care should be paid for by you both and so should anything for the children . You both get an allocated amount to spend each month and when it’s gone that’s it .
Perhaps he didn’t want to go on the holiday because he knew you couldn’t afford it but you booked it anyway ? I would have kept the £20 for going away .

What does he contribute? Does he think his financial responsibility ends with paying the mortgage and you should pay for everything for the kids out of the child benefit/credits etc?

I'd leave him OP. You would be much better off. He sounds like a fucking knob anyway.