Prime example of CFery from previous home owner... Aibu?

[mummabubs]

Two years I've been on MN and this is both my first AIBU and my first CF post! So...

We bought our house 5 years ago. It was previously owned jointly by three male colleagues (let's call them Tom, Dick and Harry). To give a bit of background context there were lots of small niggles shortly after we exchanged- when we moved in it turned out the 3 guys had left a crap load of furniture/broken equipment in the house that they no longer wanted and the garden was littered with hundreds of cigarette ends (no exaggeration). The loft was even left full of their stuff. "Tom" hasn't been any bother to us to give him an iota of credit. For the first 2 years "Dick" caused us no end of trouble as we had weekly letters and calls from debt collection agencies threatening to send bailiffs as he owed a lot of people a lot of money and naturally hadn't left any forwarding addresses. Knew my rights re:bailiffs so wasn't worried but it was frankly a pain in the arse to deal with. Damn you Dick.

The AIBU relates to what I think is cheeky fuckery on Harry's part. Harry randomly turned up on our doorstep three months after we'd moved in to say he'd come to collect his stuff from the loft. My inclination was to tell him we'd got rid of it all to teach a valuable lesson but my DH instantly said "no worries" and went and got the stuff for him from the loft. (He's a good egg). In year two of living here we got a lot of clearly NHS mail for Harry from our local hospital marked Private and Urgent. I didn't open any of the mail but could see the department number from the envelope window so called the hospital just to let them know Harry doesn't live here anymore so they might need to call him instead. Problem solved.

Fast forward 3 years and tonight my DH and I got home from a long trip to find a note put through our door "Hi, it's Harry here. I used to own your house. I'm expecting an important appointment letter from my GP and they have my registered address as here so can you let me know when it arrives. My number is XXXX. Thanks, Harry". I sent a reply saying that I'd look out for it but it was probably wise to check as I'd told the hospital before he didn't live here so it might not be sent here. Also said it might be a good idea to update his GP surgery with his new address. Got a reply a few minutes later saying "no it'll definitely come to you. I haven't told them I've moved as I can get appointments really quickly in that surgery and you can let me know when letters arrive".

So- basically he's refusing to register with a surgery in his own area so he can keep using up appointments here... and also expects me to look out for his mail and act as his secretary. I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?! It's been 5 years, just change your sodding GP surgery!! I've a good mind to get the letter and then tell him it's here but also call the surgery that stamps the envelope to tell them he's not living here anymore. AIBU to do that? Or should I just message him to say I'll let him know this once but I'm not doing it again? Or is that fact I've just endured a 3 hour car trip with a screaming toddler meaning I'm being overly harsh?

Thanks all, it's reassuring to see others don't think I'm being unreasonable! The letters from 2 years ago were apparently giving him surgery dates (that was a confidentiality slip up from the hospital which is another story!) so I think my hesitation in just binning this one is that as others have said I'm guessing it's quite urgent as I can't think why a GP would send a routine appointment letter to a home address. I definitely agree that boundaries need to be put in place now and I'll definitely be telling him we won't be doing this again and letting his surgery know if I can find out which surgery it is.

@MatildaTheCat 17 years?! That's just crazy.

@OhWotIsItThisTime that's what Harry came back to collect too- his Christmas tree that was in the loft!! (I'd banked on keeping it by that stage to be honest) 😂

I'd give him his immediate letter Bd tell him he now needs to tell his surgery his new address

When the letter arrives I'd just cross out his name and put 'Return to sender, unknown at this address' on it and pop it in the post box next time you pass one.

If his GP letter were really important, he'd have made sure the GP knew his correct address for it. He put a note through your door about it – what if you'd been away, or the note got mixed up with mountains of junk mail and binned? Return to sender, don't tell him a thing, otherwise there will always be something he asks you to do. Five years!!

Tell him you've moved.

If it were genuinely important, he would have sorted his address out by now.

No he wouldn't because he has clearly stated he hasn't changed his address because he can get appointments at this surgery easier.

I would do it this once with a clear statement I wouldn't do it every again and return all future post to sender with a completely clear conscience. Maybe others would have a clear conscience doing it anyway but I wouldn't.

I had a phone call a couple of weeks ago from one of the local hospitals looking for XH. He and I split 10 years ago. I have no idea where he is, or his current mobile number, which is what they were after. I haven't returned the call and won't be. I don't care that this is to do with his health (I presume) because if he can't be arsed updating his phone number on his hospital notes, it isn't my problem.

RTS and block Harry. CFery indeed!

If you pass on the letter this time you will just be encouraging him for next time.

Not if you make it clear this is the last time. Then I t is absolutely clear and everyone knows that future letters will be binned or returned to sender.

Got a reply a few minutes later saying "no it'll definitely come to you. I haven't told them I've moved as I can get appointments really quickly in that surgery and you can let me know when letters arrive"

I would reply with an excuse— ‘Sorry, things are very busy/I work away/I haven’t got time for this shit. Please can you let your GP surgery know you have moved.’

I would not pass this on because he will stay registered at your address-there is no reason for him to change. I would definitely phone the GP surgery and would RTS the letter. He is taking the piss in a big style and should have a GP covering his actual address.

I'd do it this time as a one-off, but make it clear any future post is getting put back in the post with 'no longer at this address - please return to sender' on it, and don't respond to any future communications from him.

I'd just reply "sorry that arrangement isn't going to work for us, please let the surgery know you have moved", and then ignore any follow up messages or calls

too many years have elapsed and to be honest if the surgery knew he was out of their catchment area they would remove him from the list too and tell him to register in the area he now lives in do what others have suggested re send it with not known at this address on it block his number he is a cf of the highest order

I would reply with an excuse— ‘Sorry, things are very busy/I work away/I haven’t got time for this shit. Please can you let your GP surgery know you have moved.’

This^ Why are you worrying about his health when he cant even be arsed sorting out his address with the doctor? Draw a line in the sand and don't allow him use you as a PA.

Charge him £100 a time?!!!!,,

Ring the surgery and tell them his name and that he doesn't live there anymore,they may ask him for proof of address next time he goes in.Thats what we used to do at the surgery I worked at anyway .

He is a class A CF. I would give him this letter but make it clear you will not be returning any future letters.

Five years!! It would all be going in the bin by now.

You're much nicer than me. I will RTS stuff for a few months but after that everything just goes in the recycling bin. I would have put that note into the recycling bin too and pretended I never saw it.

Just reply and say I’m not forwarding your mail please let the go surgery know your new address please don’t contact us again. Then block.

Don't even entertain it. He's an adult, his health is his responsibility^ and he's had five years to sort this out. I would be very clear and say, "No, Harry, that's not happening. This is our home and not a PO Box, and I am not your secretary. You'll have to work something else out because any mail addressed to you is being returned to sender as it has been since you moved out"^.

omg no don't do it! Not even once. CF will take a mile if you give even an inch.

Because this is health related I would take the letter to the surgery, tell them he doesn't live at your house (and hasn't in five years) and give them his mobile number. They will sort it out from there. Block his number and return ALL further letters in his name to sender.

Don't do it!

You gave him an inch (out of the kindness of your heart) and now he's taken a mile. That's what CFers do.

I would telephone him and say that I will not be informing him if a letter arrives but will return it to sender advising them there is no-one of that name at your address and you have lived there since (quote date or year).

He has completely unreasonable expectations. Suggest he gives them either his real address or a P O box address. It doesn't matter what his reasoning is, he needs to deal with problems of getting appointments just like the rest of us do.

Even from his own point of view, this is a ridiculous set-up. What if you took a long holiday? How would he get important mail then?