To ask what you wish you had done before having children?

[NancyFrank]

Me and DH are thinking of TTC next year, we are mid/late 20's and married. It got me thinking, are there things we should do or do more of before that stage of our lives. Is there anything you wish you had done or that you purposefully did before starting a family?

Bought a house and sorted out where the income was coming from long term.

Only made sure I was financially secure. All the rest I did with children I.e travel etc. I get why people do choose to wait but I didn’t want to put off ttc as I knew I wanted a big family more than anything.

Berlin city break - never got around to it and even though it's meant to be a great city for kids, some of the things I'd have liked to have done are less suitable for children. Also Amsterdam.

I would want to buy a house and be in it a while to make sure we could afford everything while on mat leave etc.

I would want to travel to anywhere I was very keen to visit because it's way more difficult to travel with children.

Bought a boat, genuinely. We live by the sea. We traveled a lot but there are still places I know I won't get to go to for quite a while so could've done more of that. Been married longer, we've been together ten years but only got married last year, I fell pregnant within a month of TTC and have diagnosed fertility issues, so never assume it won't take long or it'll take ages, be prepared either way, we literally had a few weeks as newlyweds before I was pregnant and had assumed we'd have at least a year or more, I very nearly booked a trip backpacking around Cambodia and Vietnam a week before I found out I was pregnant, DS was five weeks old when we would've been due to go.

We'd established our careers, bought a house, and renovated it, had the wedding and honeymoon we wanted and saved well, I'm really glad we'd done all of that first, it's hard enough when you've got that under your belt trying to do it on low income in unsecured rentals and then trying to save/pay for property/weddings after DC would be challenging and I would always prioritise DC and it's ok to want things for yourself (eg extravagant honeymoon)

Visit Iceland. It's stunning but best explored on foot, trekking into the interior. Can't do that with (small) kids we just discovered. I guess the same goes for any walking holiday (Scotland, Pyranees etc)

Enjoyed being a size 10!

There’s not much you can’t adapt to kids or won’t wait a few years till you can pick up where you left off. There is a caveat of how much help you have that dictates the length of time you have to wait though.

Few exotic holidays and nights out won’t hurt though!

Zippy we are quite similar, been together 10 years but only married last year, I also have endometriosis so that is a factor in when to TTC. We do own our home (well have a mortgage), I'm thinking travel a bit more we would like to go back to NY which would probably be good to do before children!

Best advice I ever got was to think strategically about it career wise. Get into the best possible position - I had DD after getting a head role in my organisation. Perfect really I’ve got a long enough track record and enough seniority to be flexible with my time around DD, and by the time I’ve paid my dues at this level DD will be old enough I can think about making the next big jump. I’ve seen a lot of parents get ‘stuck’ as they didn’t make it quite far enough up the ladder when they had the time and energy to focus on work, and once they kids are older it just sort of seems like they’ve missed the boat.

Also travel and have fun! We travelled a lot and had a lot of fun before DD as a couple. Life can be fun with DD but when times are tough, the kids are complete absorbing all time and energy and you’re both exhausted, it’s really good to have those memories to remind yourself of who you guys are as a couple.

Cornetto any excuse for a few more trips and nights out is good right?

Travelled more! But I love my life with lo so small price to pay.

Great advice slackermum1 I don't have a high flying career but I've just been promoted and will have completed a degree in the field

Used contraception.

traveled more.

Travel, definitely travel more! And probably made sire we had a house big enough for more than one child, but I wouldn't change any of it all. This is the life we made, and without the choices we made we may not be where we are with two beautiful children, and two parents that not only think they are their world also think the world of each other x

Only joking. DCs are great and were planned.

Nothing really as we had kids late and did everything we wanted. But reading so many posts on here, I'd advise you and your partner sit down and go through how chores cooking and childcare will be split between you when you're on maternity leave and when you're back at work. Things like who will do night wakings. How will leisure time and hobby time be split. If one of you do a hobby 3 nights a w
week and go out 3 nights a week how will this change. You hear so often on here that when people have babies their partner expects them to do everything as that's the woman's job and they'd never discussed it

We did an all inclusive long haul holiday, knowing we would likely be pregnant 3 months later.

It was the best holiday ever. Complete blow out - lots of food, exploring, drinking, watching sunsets and loving each other’s company.

We still talk fondly of our “last” holiday before DC as if it all went downhill after it didn’t, just holidays are very different with DC

Gain more upper body strength. Babies get heavy quickly!!

I think we did everything we wanted to do. Bought our own home, established careers we enjoy and one last trip to NYC :)

Anal.

Because there is no chance it’s happening now lol

Left my partner and had a kid with someone else.

AmIRight thank you that's really helpful I can see that would be very beneficial!

Gone to university. It's much harder to study with a young child. Everything else I've wanted to do hasn't been affected by having a child first.