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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you wish you had done before having children?

76 replies

NancyFrank · 31/03/2019 19:05

Me and DH are thinking of TTC next year, we are mid/late 20's and married. It got me thinking, are there things we should do or do more of before that stage of our lives. Is there anything you wish you had done or that you purposefully did before starting a family?

OP posts:
Yogagirl123 · 31/03/2019 19:29

Only regret is not having my children sooner. Been a wonderful journey. Time goes so quickly before you know it they are adults!

SosigDog · 31/03/2019 19:30

Travelled. It’s pretty much impossible to travel with kids. They want an afternoon nap and you have to be in bed like 8-9pm every night. You basically just spend your holiday watching tv in your hotel room.

Original poster
NancyFrank · 31/03/2019 19:34

Yogagirl thats lovely Smile

OP posts:
Wallsbangers · 31/03/2019 20:00

Finished all the work on our house, it's impossible with a small child around.

ValleyoftheHorses · 31/03/2019 20:03

Been to the Maldives. Always wanted to go and not really child friendly. May go when DS is older.

SlackerMum1 · 31/03/2019 20:04

Definitely finish your degree and set yourself up so if you want to go back to work you can afford to have a couple of slow years before cracking on.

Also second talking about how you’ll work between you. I can not recommend shared parental leave enough - we didn’t do it, but DH was made redundant and off work for 6 months while I was on mat leave. Really stressful financially but i think it has really cemented a genuine 50-50 split.

thecatsthecats · 31/03/2019 20:54

For us, we've become the people who get up fairly early naturally, and don't drink as much as we used to. Our lifestyles have become kid friendly before we've got kids!

I always keep schtum on those threads where the couple both used to cane it every weekend, only to end up with the dad still wanting to continue after the baby has arrived.

We've waited until we've mellowed significantly before even considering kids.

SpeckledyHen · 31/03/2019 20:59

Had a gap year and taken off with a back pack just like my DS did at 18 and again straight after finishing uni and before starting his career .

Isadora2007 · 31/03/2019 21:02

Sorted effective contraception. Travelled. Worked. It’s been tough having kids so young and I know I’ve done a great job (big headed much?) but it’s meant sacrificing my career and now I’m starting over in my forties and still have the assorted childcare issues to worry about and that bloody mum guilt.

mindutopia · 31/03/2019 21:04

Travel and live abroad. We did do exactly this -and lived/worked in Asia for about a year. I also lived in Southern Africa for a bit. We traveled loads. It was amazing! It meant when we did have dc (early/mid 30s) we had no regrets.

BitchQueen90 · 31/03/2019 21:05

Bought a house. I had DS young while I was still renting and although I am saving now to buy somewhere it's taking a lot longer than it would have pre DS.

I don't find that having DS has hindered travelling at all, we go all over the world together and he's only 5. No, it's not backpacking through Asia and staying out all night but you just adjust to a different kind of travelling.

Ohhgreat · 31/03/2019 21:07

Travel to far flung places - it's relatively easy to do Europe with kids, but Asia, long haul flights, even interrailing don't work with kids!
Also second the upper body strength, especially when your child gets to the pick up put down every 30 seconds stage!

Ylvamoon · 31/03/2019 21:11

I agree, if you have a traveller bucket list, try and tick a few things off that are difficult to do with DC.

hospitalbagfrenzy · 31/03/2019 21:12

Invest some time in building body strength prior to pregnancy

minipie · 31/03/2019 21:15

Got fit.

Changed to a job that was more compatible with DC ie shorter hours and more flexible. Although, ideally I would have done this several years before having DC so as to have built up track record, maternity entitlement etc

elQuintoConyo · 31/03/2019 21:15

Travelled. Although we can still do that now, albeit driving and camping. We have a 7yo and a dog, our holidays are spent swimming in lakes and eating French food Grin

We never bothered with buying a house. We're abroad, rent is cheap, tenants have very strong rights.

We did get married before TTC. Married after 12 years, ds came 1.5 years later. We live in DH's country, we got married for legal reasons before TTC. I couldn't imagine being fucked over in a foreign country if it all went pear shapefld! We married for love, too WinkGrin

DS has been to the UK 4 times, France about 10 (only three hours away) and all over Spain. He has lots of adventures. We really aren't bothered about long haul holidays or Disney Florida type stuff.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2019 21:16

Oh , tough one.

DH and I had holidays ( I'm not much of a traveller TBH )
Bought our house
Careers established
Married

Had our DC in our mid 30s .

Maybe :
a trail riding holiday , along beaches in Ireland or Wales . Planned in a group with overnight stops and the luggage going on to meet us

(I could do it now but I'm too old to fall off Sad )

blackcoffeeinbed · 31/03/2019 21:20

Travel and enjoy holidays, festivals, concerts and shows. Progress in career, and be more financially stable. Enjoy quality time with family and friends.

chippingalong · 31/03/2019 21:20

I wish I'd driven a less sensible car! You have many years ahead of big boring family cars. Drive with the roof down!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 31/03/2019 21:21

Gone on a lot more luxury holidays

cadburyegg · 31/03/2019 21:24

Bought a bigger car because 2 little kids later and I’m still rocking around in a Corsa and can’t really afford to look for cars now!

Other than that, nothing. We already owned a small house and we’re able to upgrade to a bigger family house without too much trouble when DS1 was 2. I didn’t have the best job, but I was promoted during my third pregnancy. We are lucky that having dc hasn’t held us back. I was 27 when DS1 was born and used to wonder if we should have waited a few years, gone on a few more holidays, had a few more promotions etc. Then I had a miscarriage between DS1 and DS2 and it changed my perspective. The time will never be just right!

MaryShelley1818 · 31/03/2019 21:25

Absolutely nothing!!
I had my little boy 5mths before I turned 40...I absolutely lived an amazing life beforehand and am really glad I got to experience everything I wanted to. Lots of traveling, jobs, studying, partying. I was definitely ready.

FilthyforFirth · 31/03/2019 21:25

I personally think owning your own home, being married and having a stable job/career are mandatory, which I did. What I didnt do was travel as much as I wanted, or enjoyed being childless. I got with my DH relatively late in life (28) so we crammed everything in. Wish I had more time not charging towards the next goal.

3out · 31/03/2019 21:28

I wish I’d got my degree. I have my diploma, but goodness me studying is so infinitely harder now that we have kids. And, wish we’d decorated before we had children. It has proved impossible to decorate once the kids arrived. The wall I stripped whilst pregnant is still not decorated nine years later.

Mokepon · 31/03/2019 21:36

Looking back, the only thing I'd do differently is have them sooner.
But we were on the property ladder fairly early and I had a decent job. Had plenty of holidays etc. So it would have been fine.

We're still ok.with how things turned out., although we are 'older' parents.

You can never tell how things will pan out, life just isn't like that. And no matter how you plan, there are always things that are less than ideal.

I'd say if that's your plan, cherish the small things. Lie ins, long lazy days, pub lunches, quiet afternoons. The thing I miss the most is reading newspapers in bed!!