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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you wish you had done before having children?

76 replies

NancyFrank · 31/03/2019 19:05

Me and DH are thinking of TTC next year, we are mid/late 20's and married. It got me thinking, are there things we should do or do more of before that stage of our lives. Is there anything you wish you had done or that you purposefully did before starting a family?

OP posts:
poglets · 31/03/2019 22:08

I wish I had focused more on my career and less on looking for a relationship. My entire twenties were a waste in that regard.

If the career foundations had been in place then I would have been financially independent. That would have given me more choices for later life.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 31/03/2019 22:17

I wish I’d travelled a bit more, so many places I wanted to visit, but now have the kids to pay for if I go away so an added expense. Wouldn’t change them for the world though, I can still travel just gotta save more to do so 😊

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 31/03/2019 22:20

More sleep and more sex Blush
Seems to be the basics I struggle with!

CoolAsACourgette · 31/03/2019 22:20

I wish I'd spent all my time in a bikini and/or on a trampoline. Because after 3 kids my waistline and pelvic floor aren't what they used to be.

elliejjtiny · 31/03/2019 22:23

I wish I'd appreciated my late teens/early twenties more instead of moaning and wanting the next stage to happen. I was always wanting to be a grown up and have a baby and I have no regrets how but I didn't appreciate the times when I could spend all my money on me, go to the cinema when I wanted and have my washing done by my mum.

ludothedog · 31/03/2019 22:25

I partied a lot. By the time DD came along I was happy to stay at home and forgo nights out. No resentment from me at missing a night out as I don't have a baby sitter, or the money to go out.

CheerioHunter · 31/03/2019 22:26

Had the snip

Lulu1919 · 31/03/2019 22:26

Some long haul holidays ...but we couldn’t afford them at the time !!

BellMcEnd · 31/03/2019 22:28

Taken a couple of photos of my boobs. I know, bit shallow but I had great boobs before I was pregnant with a BF’d 3 children. They’re pretty much round my navel now.

Shiverrrrmetimbers · 31/03/2019 22:28

Just have the most carefree debauched fun you can have. Eat out lots. Spends nights in fantastic hotels. Travel. Spend time doing amazing things. See the world. Party in New York. Watch the sun coming up on a beach on a Thai island.

I waited till 37 so I could do so and now I feel more content with a (bit!) more of a sedate life.

Echobelly · 31/03/2019 22:28

In retrospect, it might have been nice to have worked abroad for a bit, but TBF it was only after having kids that I started working somewhere where secondments/moves to international offices were an option as I'm not in a field where that's a common opportunity.

TooOldForThisUrgh · 31/03/2019 22:30

Left my partner, moved away from the area I live in and lived my life very differently.

MoreProseccoNow · 31/03/2019 22:39

Lived abroad for a year or two.

But I married and divorced young, then had time on my own; I backpacked round S America & Oz.

My 20's were great; lots of long-haul holidays, late nights, moving up property ladder.,

Now in my 40's with DC, I miss the cinema, expensive restaurants (the kind you can't take children to!), shopping & gym membership (just time for a quick run these days).

MrsPworkingmummy · 31/03/2019 22:42

Saved more money
Bought a house with DH before falling pregnant (we'd been together about 3 years, but lived independently)
Travelled alone with DH
Got up to the next step in my career
Bought a tourer caravan

tocotoucan · 31/03/2019 22:46

A bit more travelling! Travelling with babies/young toddlers isn't the greatest so you're more limited to short haul stuff, and once they're old enough to travel further, you then have to pay for the extra seats/child places, so your holiday costs skyrocket! It's the only thing I regret not doing more of, as now the lead up to holidaying is such a huge, stressful event, and I wish I'd taken more advantage of being able to pack a suitcase and jet off to far away places and "relax"... (holidays with kids aren't very relaxing!)

Ooohhh, and getting any little annoying diy jobs you've been putting off doing, done. As they'll annoy you even more when you're stuck at home with a newborn, and then you have no hope of getting "odd jobs" sorted. And then you try to do them when they're toddlers as you can put them down for more than a millisecond... and BAM!! They've swallowed a screw, or squeezed polyfilla over the carpet. 🤣🤣🤣

Lifeover · 31/03/2019 22:46

Left my husband and found someone else to have a family with

LaurieMarlow · 31/03/2019 22:51

Worn a bikini

Gone on more long haul and/or city break holidays (though we did do plenty of this)

Eaten out (again we did plenty of this, but more, particularly lazy brunches)

Slept. How I would love a proper, full on lie in.

Appreciated how good it is to nurse a hangover in piece. Not fucking worth it any more.

tocotoucan · 31/03/2019 22:52

Also, I wish I'd got in better shape physically before children. Pregnancy, childbirth and raising little ones, takes it's toll on your body, and I wish I'd toned up and built some better core strength before hand as my body is utterly buggered now, and it's so much harder to find time and energy to exercise with children and babies under your feet. I'm sure my body wouldn't have suffered so badly during pregnancy if I'd have put more effort in beforehand. I'm not overweight in the slightest, but suffered with muscle separation during pregnancy, and it's left me with the most god awful figure now, and I'm trying to address it with poor results!

LaurieMarlow · 31/03/2019 22:53

Oh and worked for a year in New York. I really wish I’d done this.

Cattenberg · 31/03/2019 22:59

Well, I ended up having DD as a single mum, so I wish I’d put more effort into meeting the right partner. I did some of the right things - nights out, parties, evening classes, a group holiday... but nowhere near often enough. I was also too shy about speaking to new people.

I wish I’d worked longer hours and saved some money in my twenties. And not spent most of my money on clothes, jewellery and handbags.

I’ve been lucky enough to travel quite a bit, but I still wish I’d travelled more, especially to far-flung places. I daydream about island-hopping across the South Pacific by cargo boat or trekking in the Himalaya. Not going to happen with a toddler in tow.

EllenOlenska · 31/03/2019 23:14

Travelled.
Other than that you can plan as much as you like but there are always unknown factors.

We were secure as we could, all worked out as far as we could and two days after my maternity leave had finished I got called to be told they were making redundancies and I was one of those going.

It was crap. HindsIght is a wonderful thing so I guess I wish we'd saved a little more as it really threw a spanner in the works financially.

However, it made me think and I changed direction job wise and I'm much more fulfilled so every cloud and all that.

Cattenberg · 01/04/2019 22:40

EllenOlenska, I got made redundant just after signing up to a three-cycle IVF package. But like you, I prefer my current job, so it worked out OK.

Maybe some couple reach an ideal time to have children, where everything just lines up, but I bet that for most people, it’s a compromise.

EllenOlenska · 02/04/2019 21:28

Absolutely Cattenburg! I look back at all the juggling and surprises and I think, for the most part, you ride with it as best you know how to at the time. We had some pretty crap curve balls thrown at us along the way but we've managed to get DS to (almost) 16 in one piece!

It must have been a pretty fraught time for you

TheoriginalLEM · 02/04/2019 21:31

Not before i had children but before i was 21. My dad worked for British Rail. We used to get free rail travel. We used to talk about getting on a train and seeing where we ended up. I could have used the ticket in europe too

My single biggest regret in life

Newyearnewunicorn · 02/04/2019 21:35

Really bottomed the house and been realistic about which craft projects I’d never finish or even start!