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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if tiny weddings are rubbish?

112 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 30/03/2019 18:43

DP and I want to get married and inc us 2 and DSD, there'd be 12 guests. We'd have the ceremony, a few photos and then off to a local restaurant for food. If you were involved in a wedding like this, would you think it was a bit shit?

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/03/2019 21:49

My db did exactly this and we all had a cracking time! I find big weddings so impersonal

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 30/03/2019 21:51

I went to one last month was great.Registry office,limo to hotel, 3 course meal and use of small function room all pm/night.12 people including bride and groom.

SparklyShoesandTutus · 30/03/2019 21:52

At one of the best weddings I've been to there were 9 of us present which included the bride and groom.

MatthewBramble · 30/03/2019 21:54

Sparkly was that in Lincolnshire? Were you at ours?

hiphopapotamuses · 30/03/2019 21:56

We just eloped. Us and our kids. It was the best day ever. YANBU to have an intimate day. You won't regret it

ddl1 · 30/03/2019 22:09

Not at all. The wedding is about the marriage, not about having a huge party. If you want the huge party have it; but if you don't like such occasions, or it would mean going into massive debt, you're not obliged to! I would think that the guests whom you do invite might enjoy an intimate occasion more than the huge do! In any case, it's the couple's choice - some people don't even have the small wedding but just go through the formalities at the registry office, and they're just as married as those with the big wedding!

Helendee · 30/03/2019 22:10

My lovely son and dil to be are getting married next month in St Lucia and whilst I’m sad I won’t be there with them I am also thrilled for them that they are having the wedding of their dreams. Weddings don’t come much smaller than tjis one.
OP, enjoy your special day YOUR way.

pinkhousesarebest · 30/03/2019 22:13

We had 14 at ours. It was perfect. Those 14 people are still wholly present in our lives 20 years on.

DorisDances · 30/03/2019 22:13

Sounds great OP. Friend did this and loved it. She did spend money on a good photographer and between the ceremony and the meal they had some time having photos taken of her and DH which seemed to make the day.

Thehop · 30/03/2019 22:14

My SIl has this wedding yesterday. It was absolutely lovely and just what they wanted.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/03/2019 22:18

Hi OP, I had almost exactly the same numbers for my wedding. I had been married years before, a huge, white, expensive, affair that was the most stressful day of my life and I hated it, far too much faff, fuss, pleasing everybody but ourselves and nobody there that we actually wanted. Ex-h and I parted company amicably (we were far too young and made a mistake). However, for my second wedding a decade later, we had NO family (aside from my brother who gave me away), just our closest friends. A beautiful registry office, we booked a boutique type place for lunch, we were able to afford to pay for everybody and keep the fizz flowing. We all headed off to a very nearby golf club for "after" drinks and everybody dispersed from there. We then went to our lovely hotel, honeymoon suite, and sat on our bed eating kebabs and drinking Moet at midnight (all the classy!). It was LOVELY. Cost about £1,200 all in, including outfits. It was so relaxed and enjoyable and with people we wanted to be there. The fact we are no longer married is neither here nor there (and another story not for here), I will always remember that day as the absolutely perfect wedding which everybody who attended, still says was fab (some 20 years later!). 100% go for it. Your day is what you make it, what is important is you and your DH to be, those you choose to share that with you and being relaxed and enjoying every minute! I wish you a wonderful day Flowers

Fudgenugget · 30/03/2019 22:21

We had 45 at ours, 13 years ago. Most of them I didn’t want there, but it’s traditional in my family to invite all relatives, and I didn’t have the fight to argue with DM to change it. If I had my way, I’d invite my BFF, he’d invite his, and we’d go to the pub for dinner after. I wish I never told DM that we were getting wed.

DB has been with his partner for nearly 20 years and has made no sign he is ever getting married. I can’t say I blame him. Or, if he was, I’d not tell our DM.

MumUnderTheMoon · 30/03/2019 23:15

My brother and sister in law had a very small wedding, just 15 people including them. And they didn't have a meal after. My mum and I took their daughters out for linch and they left straight after a few photos for a night in a lovely hotel. It was a great day.

BloodsportForAll · 30/03/2019 23:17

You've just described my wedding to my exh. We didn't want a huge fuss, we are both quite anxious and so on. We decided on no family (merely because I didn't want my dad there) and just some friends, registry office followed by Chiquita then we went to our mates with half of those friends and more other people for his birthday celebrations. Parts of it could have been better. But most of it was great.

Original poster
MafaldaGregorovitch · 31/03/2019 10:18

Sorry to hear that @Prun. Do you think there was anything in particular that made it crap?

I've been to a small wedding it was bloody awful. Registry office part was nice and the actual ceremony, we all had to drive 10 miles to a restaurant, my daughter was 3 but wasn't ordered a meal as bride thought she wouldn't eat it and drinks we bought ourselves. Had wedding cake for dessert. No music. It was a bit boring tbh and people started leaving around 8.30

@MondeoFan what time was the ceremony? That's a shame your daughter wasn't ordered a meal. We're hoping we can do a order your own on the day type meal but we'll cover the cost iyswim. Same with the drinks we'd cover the cost up to a certain point.

Thanks all for all the positive stories of tiny weddings, that makes me feel a bit more confident.

OP posts:
Original poster
MafaldaGregorovitch · 31/03/2019 10:20

@TheFormidableMrsC £1200 is so cheap! Did you have a photographer too?

@Sparklingbrook me too! I even hate small talk with most of the people I know!!

OP posts:
MrsHappyBee · 31/03/2019 10:25

We had a total of 12 people at our wedding. Registry office, meal at a local restaurant, then all went on to a nightclub later in the evening. That was over 30 years ago. It was totally stress free and we were able to pay for everything for our guests who all said they enjoyed it.

ladyshapes82 · 31/03/2019 19:52

This is exactly what we did: me, DP, DD and ten close family. Registry office ceremony with our mums as witnesses then we took everyone for lunch at our favourite local restaurant where they made everything so lovely for us. Back to our house for tea and champagne. It was just what we wanted; I recommend it very highly. Congratulations and enjoy yourselves!

cobblett36 · 31/03/2019 20:38

We did a gretna wedding and there was 17 of us including my DH and I. Our children were there too. It was perfect and so intimate we had been to many big weddings and the bride and groom seemed to spend more time being collared by a distant aunt or cousin than with each other. Plus really OTT photographers literally spending half the time taking photos. Just wasnt for us. We had a small ceremony, followed by a few photos, then a nice meal where everyone sat at one big table, then music and drinks for the evening. Was very relaxed and intimate and everyone is still close to us :)

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 20:43

Sounds great as long as it's short and doesn't last all bloody day or you expect people to travel huge distances and put themselves up in some hotel and then tell them to give you money as a gift.

Original poster
MafaldaGregorovitch · 01/04/2019 08:03

Sounds great as long as it's short and doesn't last all bloody day or you expect people to travel huge distances and put themselves up in some hotel and then tell them to give you money as a gift.

Definitely not. It would be the ceremony (undecided between our local church or another venue so that'd be say 20-60 mins), a few photos and then off for food at a local restaurant. My brother and his husband would have to travel around 50 miles each way but considering he's my brother I don't think that's too unreasonable (is it?) And they'd be going home at say 7/8ish if we went for a late afternoon ceremony + early dinner so no need for a hotel. Rest of the guests are relatively local and we regularly travel between each other's houses to meet up. No gift or money wanted Smile

These small weddings all sound absolutely lovely!

OP posts:
Original poster
MafaldaGregorovitch · 01/04/2019 08:06

Ooh in response to @MrsHappyBee I've just realised one couple would need to travel quite far but I know normally when they come up they stay with family so hopefully that'd be an option for them and they could make a weekend of it. I would love them there but I'd understand if they didn't want to travel for it.

OP posts:
Bluesheep8 · 01/04/2019 08:13

We've been talking about doing this. Approx 12 very close family followed by afternoon tea.

TheGodmother · 01/04/2019 08:23

I'd be honoured you'd chosen me to share your day. Much better than a wedding where even Trevor from Accounts gets invited!!

ShatnersWigIsActuallyAMammoth · 01/04/2019 08:27

Been to god knows how many weddings over the years. They're all different of course but the nicest ones, for me, have always been the smallest ones.