Should I give mil flowers just to piss her off?

[Caliplums]

Hear me out before you flame me.
Every year on mother's day I always give Exmil flowers and a card from dcs, I also do the same for my own dm, however this year mil has been a bitch has barely spoken to dcs or myself and went off her rocker last week because I refused to allow her son to verbally abuse me anymore.

So as tomorrow is mothers day I plan on giving her some flowers.

1. because she won't be expecting them as I know she'll be going around slagging me off to everyone who has ears.
2. because I feel like being a petty bitch myself.

So aibu?

I’d go for it, but only because you used to and you’re being the bigger person. Which is a nice smug feeling to indulge in occasionally when all sorts of pettiness breaks out!

I'd be worried she'd see it as genuine and therefore a validation of her behaviour. It could completely backfire. I wouldn't.

I'd completely withdraw from the drama and concentrate on a lovely Mother's Day with your dc.

Find an awful picture of her and make it in to a t-shirt.

As for Exmil, nope she would have them on display bold as fucking brass

I am not sure how this is a win for you, though? Unless you mean that people will thing you are the bigger-hearted person. However, if MIL is all that you say it's more likely she will see it as proof that she is in the right and that you are sucking up to her.

If she has a massive ego, she will interpret your gesture as something great about HER, not something great about YOU, iyswim.

Dont waste your money its mothers day, let your dc pamper you.

Give her a card and fill it, before folding it closed, with as much glitter as possible... 🤣

Oh. I thought it was passive-aggressive genius .

I'd buy a noticeably less nice bunch than usual, though. And I'd try very hard to get flowers she doesn't like or colours that she won't want.

send her a venus fly trap :) !

Get your kids to do a card with a shot load of glitter!!

I'd go with sending her a nice pot plant called Sansevieria trifasciata.

(Otherwise known as mother-in-law's tongue.)

More seriously, if the DC are old enough, let them decide what they would like to do.

Oh definitely do it. It will take the wind right out of her sails because she'd have to actively lie if she wanted to claim you had ignored her this year.

I used to deliberately buy my mother coffee/meals to piss her off, because she loved feeling I was beholden to her. The look of momentary pain on her face and grudging thanks when I paid was delicious

If I was her I would interpret the flowers as a peace offering. So by all means send them if you like but don't assume that it will annoy her.

You should have sent her a dead bunch of flowers.

Seriously, another for stepping away from the whole thing.

Tbh i wouldn't usually be so kind as to spend my money on anyone who is a knob to me, but this feels like revenge and it will be so sweet. 😂

@redhats I was thinking geraniums, she hates those, I've also got some spray glue I could use and throw loads of glitter on them

Err, its MOTHERS Day, not GM's Day, or ex-MIL's Day. Why on earth would you waste your money. Shes not even you MIL any more! Your choice obvs, but I would not be caught dead spending money on my ex-MIL! That's my Ex's role, not mine!

Send her a lovely glitter filled card from the dc's.
Hehe

I don’t understand the issue some people have with giving grandparents stuff on Mother’s or Father’s Day. I bought a card and a gift for my grandmother (the clue is sort of in the name IMO!) to thank her for everything that she continues to do for me and because, while there is a ‘Grandparents day’ it’s a bit of a non event and I think she’d rather have something on Mother’s day.

I would send her the flowers, OP. I completely understand your reasoning!

Dcs are 6&8 so cannot go shopping alone, Alothough I will give them a few pounds to get me a card and some daffs.

She will definetly not accept them as a peace offering, I know her too well.
She'll be on the phone to the ex telling him all about the flowers I gave her and saying I'm only doing it to be a bitch.
Then I'll get a message thanking me and my reply will be "no problem" 😁

Personally I wouldn't because I'd see this as an opportunity to back away from her, but if you do then go with the ones she doesn't like. And absolutely get the kids to make a card covered in glitter with extra glitter thrown into the card to sprinkle out on her when she opens it - great idea PassMeTheWine

She’s not your or your children’s mother. So it’s odd!

When DD was born MIL told me that “all the children” gave her mother’s day cards. She meant SIL’s children and (obviously) now mine. DD didn’t give her one, she was 6 months old so a little difficult for her lol!

MIL complained. I asked her whether her “all the children” remark was a hint that I should buy a card to pretend was from a baby who was not her child...

She said yes and I should have bought one from DH as well because he always forgot lol!

Some people are weird!

For me the fact is that you've always done it so do you want to make a statement by still sending them or actually a potentially bigger statement by not. Personally I'd see this as an opportunity to cut those ties if they are bringing you nothing but grief.

No I wouldn't. That's silly. It's mothers day, not grandmother's day.

I can see why you relish the idea of doing it, but I think you should buy some flowers for yourself instead, or a really nice plant.

Kill with Kindness
You are spot on