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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is weird if DS signs this MDay card?

113 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 30/03/2019 11:43

DH has just asked me to get DS (6) to sign Dh' mums MDay card. I asked why when it is for his mum (MIL) and he said she likes DS better than him Hmm. IS this not weird?
If DS did not have a mum then it would be like saying you she is a mtoher figure for him, but as I am well and alive, and very much his main carer, is it not a bit direspectful to me that Dh is getting him to write a card to her? Especially as DH rarely bothers to get me anything from the kids other than whatever crap he sees in the supermarket. Last year he bought me a mug - Id on't drink hot drinks so couldn't have put much less thought into it.

OP posts:
Dramatical · 30/03/2019 12:45

Dramatical - Should I not be included because she is not my mother?
Like she isn't DS's mother?

No, you shouldn't be included. Over reaction much.

I don't care about not being on the card. I just think it is strange for MIL to recieve a card off my son instead of her own. As well as - fine. But instead of, just seems a bit weird.

So you are jealous the she is getting a name on a card from your son?

It's not weird. Not weird at all. It's ok for son and grandson to sign a card. It's not indicative of anything. Except you obviously have an issue with being left out on other cards, that is an issue. This is not.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/03/2019 12:45

Growing up, we always signed our DM's card to her DM. She was mum's mum so a kind of mum to us too. I don't see the problem. DM signed too of course.

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 12:47

If your grandmother is a mother figure to you then a card to “grandmother” on Mother’s Day is understandable but not when it’s from young grandchildren who have their own mother.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 30/03/2019 12:50

I agree I shouldn't be included but I don't think it should be DS on the card either. If DS is signing a card for his Grandma it should say Grandma on the front. He is signing a card that says "to my mum" and giving it to his Grandma!

I am jealous that I am not in the card but I do feel it makes me look less of a mother if my husband choses to get a card from our son to his mother but previously has been known not to get one from our son to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 30/03/2019 12:51

Should say NOT jealous.

OP posts:
happymummy12345 · 30/03/2019 12:54

We always get separate cards. Got all occasions.

Dramatical · 30/03/2019 12:55

I do feel it makes me look less of a mother if my husband choses to get a card from our son to his mother but previously has been known not to get one from our son to me!

Right, so that's the problem!

Still nothing wrong with your son signing the card for his grandmother; but definitely a relationship issue you need to discuss.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/03/2019 12:58

It is COMPLETELY weird for a grandson to sign a mother's day card for his grandmother when his father won't sign it as well.
MIL is not his mother.
If you all signed it, no issue.
If your DH signed it and added your DS's name, not much of an issue.
For your DS ONLY to sign it, wrong. ESPECIALLY if you don't get one yourself.

She is not your DS's mother, YOU are. Your DH should be facilitating your DS getting YOU a card, not his mother. He signs his own card to his own mother - but it would be ok to get your DS to add his name.

All that is saying is that you are nowhere in the family, his mother is the priority. Nope.

Banhaha · 30/03/2019 13:00

@GreatDuckCookery the cards for grandma's are very handy when the grandma has raised the child and taken on the parenting role.

OP, I think different families do different things. I wrote my card by myself but OH has written his from himself and his children have signed it. I didn't sign it but that's because I wasn't there and he was in hurry to post it!

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 13:03

Yes that’s what I said. But if they haven’t raised the child or had involvement in parenting the child it would be odd imo to send granny a card.

Banhaha · 30/03/2019 13:03

Sorry OP I completely misunderstood. I think it does seem a little odd if he's not signing it but your DS is. But maybe his mum will understand if there's a difficult relationship there.

Daenerys77 · 30/03/2019 13:06

I think some people do prefer their grandchildren to their own children; if that is how your mother in law feels, there is nothing to be done about it. Maybe your husband needs to accept it and move on to an adult relationship. With his wife.

BeanoBrown · 30/03/2019 13:09

I don't think there is anything wrong with your DS signing the card as long as its from all of you, it's like saying she does a 'motherly role' for you all as you are all part of her son's family.

Your husbands current actions certainly don't make you any less of a mother, but they do show him up to be a bit less of a husband. He isn't treating you very kindly and is setting a very poor example to your son.

Chouetted · 30/03/2019 13:12

I've been sending cards to my mum AND grandma for thirty years... It's been getting harder and harder to find cards that don't specify "to my mother", so the grandmother cards are a godsend.

It's not a day for you personally, it's a day for all mothers, and those who fulfil a mothering role.

cosmicyeti · 30/03/2019 13:21

I send both my grandmothers flowers and (happy mother's day) cards. I would think very poorly of my mother if she found this offensive.

ineedaholidaynow · 30/03/2019 13:24

Have to say it’s very odd if DS is the only one signing the card. And DH’s attitude towards you isn’t great either.

I certainly don’t have a problem though if DH and DS both sign the card. When I was a child our family did the celebrating all mums in the family, so my MIL would give my DM a card and present and I would give her a grandma card. DH’s family is not like that. So I now tend to sign DM’s card from all of us, rather than her getting a separate card from DS do it doesn’t get too confusing when families are together.

Some of you might be horrified by what is happening this year in our family, as I am too ill to visit my DM as don’t want to pass on my germs Sad So DH and DS will be visiting her on my behalf!

SallyWD · 30/03/2019 13:34

I think it's absolutely fine. Sometimes my kids sign mothers days cards to my mum and sometimes I get them a special one "to Grandma". It doesn't really make any difference in my eyes. It's just showing my mum we all love and appreciate her.

SovietKitsch · 30/03/2019 13:36

Yep, to me it is weird. Her mothers’ Day card is the one thing in a year that really is just from me not the whole family!

CarpetGate · 30/03/2019 13:36

Jesus, unclench. Your poor husband!

lanbro · 30/03/2019 13:37

I've just signed my mother's day card from me and the dc, and they've made their own...normal i think

MitziK · 30/03/2019 13:40

If he backs away and rejects her when she tries to show affection, deliberately buys shit presents and makes a point of not bothering to put his name in a fucking card, I think I'd prefer your DS to him in her position.

PregnantSea · 30/03/2019 13:55

I think you're reading way too much into it. It's just a card. It takes nothing away from you.

grafittiartist · 30/03/2019 14:10

All names went in the card for my mum. Why not? It's not just me that loves her.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 30/03/2019 14:13

He shouldn't sign it. She isn't his mum, clue is in the title mother's day.

Lucked · 30/03/2019 14:20

I sign off the card to my mum with all our names (including DH) as being a MIL and grandmother is a type of mother too.

I also get the kids to give a card,either made or bought, to their grannies.

But it’s just card, I think it’s unreasonable to have strong feelings on it either way.