So upset about scar on DS

[fblue]

My 2 yo fell on a sharp metal scooter (which my DH had left lying around) and hit his eyebrow. It could have been his eye, we were lucky, and I thought that it was just a scrape and it would heal fine.

For three weeks we have been caring for the wound with Vit E, coconut oil, plasters, and I even bought some special mittens so he would stop picking on the scab before naps and bedtime.
The whole time I was hopeful that because it looked like just a scrape, most of the hairs on the eyebrow would have not been affected and the scar wouldn't be visible.

Today, however, when it is at last almost healed, I could take a closer look and touch the scar, and to my horror I have realised that the skin had actually been cut and folded partially into the wound, so the scar is much worse than I thought, there is a lump under the skin and the hairs won't be growing because the outer layer of the skin is not there anymore!

I feel so guilty that we didn't take him to A&E when it happened, because they would have been able to unfold the skin and stretch it over the wound, and the scar would be much smaller.

I am struggling now, not only with the fact that he will now have a very visible and uneven scar in his eyebrow, but that I did not do enough to prevent it.

I realise that this is not a serious problem, the scar is not even very big, and that he may not care at all as he grows up, but I feel very guilty and sad about it. I am also angry with DH for living the scooter lying around when in the past I warned him not to do it. Any advice on how to move on?

Sorry for your son's scar, BillywigSting, it must have been upsetting but at least is very thin and it too will fade more with time, as the other posters have said

And thank you for the advise on my anger towards DH, kateandme, IncrediblySadToo and others. It is very helpful to see it that way.

DS has a 6" scar along his cheek. He had a tumour removed when he was 2, it's a big scar, everyone asks him what it is & he is now 14. It's fine, I really wouldn't worry about it OP.

Don’t beat yourself up. I have a small scar on my eyebrow. No idea how it got there and nobody else seems to notice it.
My daughter smacked her face on a table at my dads house when she was 18 months old. She now has a small scar on her top lip which is noticeable. Doesn’t bother her as she has always had it and nobody else comments on it. She is almost 13 now.

My DH walked into a lamppost and had a nasty cut on his right cheek some years ago. IIt's not noticeable now. Dd fell on a rock and scratched all down her stomach. She also was scratched on her chest by a cat. This was when she was 8 or 9. She's 18 now - no sign of either scar. I fell onto rocks about 15 years ago and was scratched all down both lower legs and on my arms. I only have one scar from that. Your son's scar is quite likely to vanish or fade so much it'll hardly be noticeable, if at all, in a few years.

Scars add character. Look at Harry Potter!

I wouldn't worry. DD has a similar eyebrow scar due to a very odd accident where she brushed past something not especially sharp at school but it made a small, deep cut in her brow. Went to walk-in centre and they glued it, but I think she now has a permanent little gap in her eyebrow. I just look at it as a character thing (and my sister has similar from a playground accident). I think it's quite common as it's an easy spot to cut deeply.

OP I don’t want to sound horrible, because it’s not meant to be that way, but jeez give yourself a break! That’s an iccle scar! Wait until you have been at A&E several times with broken bones, fractures, split chins, split head, more bumps to the head- then you will look back at this and laugh at how worried you were.

Seriously that’s only going to be a small scar if it’s even noticeable when he’s older. I’ve got one the other side of my eyebrow- no idea what it’s from🤷🏻‍♀️ But kids will be kids as they say, and he’ll get into more scratches over time.

OP do you normally suffer from excessive anxiety? Because after looking at the photo you posted I fail to see why you are flogging yourself with guilt.

It's a tiny barely visible scar. There are children out there with scars from multiple surgeries. You need to get a grip.

Oh OP, poor you. My DS had an accident when he was 2 and has a scar on his face as a result. Both DH and I blamed each other and it was difficult to move on as a result. We have dealt with this by every time we see the scar we remind ourselves how lucky we were that he wasn't hurt more badly or died, and see it as a positive thing. At the end of the day, accidents happen all the time and that's just what it was - an accident. I would say it took about 2 years for us to get to this place. We have also said to him we will pay for laser treatment to reduce it if he wants when he is older, but he currently says that he likes it! FWIW we treated the scar properly for months with bio oil and it is still very visible.

@fblue - he'll be fine. It'll shrink.
Thanks for the sympathy for DS15 - he's due a few more scars in a few years - re chest. He's quite fine with them all now and makes inappropriate jokes about the swastika one.

He still swears he owes his brother one for the eyebrow - that was spectacular at the time as he was wet from the pool and it looked like litres of blood all over his face and body. Took hours to get DS2 aged 7 to come out from under his bed after that. He was far more traumatised - like you and your DH.
DS2 complains about NOT having any scars.

Done is done. My DH greened out hard when the first scar happened, and we lived miles from any medical service. It was an accident, accidents happen. Move on.
I feel like a shit and so does DH for putting DS1 through the chest surgery but it was medically necessary. He HATED us for a good two weeks after the surgery. It hurt like the blazes and we have to do it again in a few years. But again, it is what it must be.

Your child is alive and well. Move on. Scars matter a grand total of fuck all.

DS 11 fell over and split his head open when he was 3, we took him to the drs as it was right next to where he fell over, the put butterfly stitches on it, he’s had a scar which has slowly faded and you can only really see it in the summer when he’s tanned or if you look really closely at his head. It’ll fade eventually. At least it wasn’t his eye.

1cm scar is nothing really. I know many people that have scars on their face from when they were younger. There are worse things to be worried about

Exactly this. Shit happens, it's a tiny scar. My ds has loads from surgerys including an ear to ear one on his head. Also accidents happen, don't get why you are so annoyed still with your dh.

Ds fell over on play equipment in a park and cut his cheek open to the bone at rising 2. Fly sutures ( sticky patches) were put on, but did not hold well, so it did not heal neatly at first. It looked terrible for a while - ( much more noticeable than your sons little cut) but it nearly invisible now. I felt terrible for months ( and was unsure of DH ability to keep him safe) but now we just don’t see it. He’s a teen now and he is unaware of it. Small children have lots of bumps. Try not to blame yourself or your DH. These things happen. It sounds like you did your best.

Ds went face first into a gym bench at school, he was running with his hands in his pockets so it was his face on the bench that hit first.

Split open the bridge of his nose and could see the bone under the flap of skin 🤮, it was glued together and left a huge L shaped scar. He is 15 now and it is there, but barely noticeable unless you are looking for it.

If you keep on with vitamin e & massage, it will fade massively & flatten out. I scar badly with midge bites for some reason & now they disappear quickly instead of staying hard red bumps that people comment on. .

So he now has hair follicles under the skin causing a risk of infection as the eyebrows inside could grow. He should have been checked over especially at that age. My child had 2 accidents at 2 years old on the stairs as his brother did not close gate properly. Both times i took no chances and went a and e as you cannot be too careful with the head. I suggest visiting your gp but expect to be questioned about why you did not seek treatment at the time.

Have one son with an eyebrow scar, and the other with a Harry Potter. Suspect it’s pretty normal for small boys. But are you more worried that hair follicles might be trapped in the fold?

Op it's tiny it really is, it'll fade to practically nothing. I'd highly recommend tamanau healing balm if you want to put something on it though, or Kelo scar from Amazon.

DS1 had a really visible eyebrow scar after a fall. Now he's a teenager, his eyebrows are much thicker, his face has grown and the scar has faded a lot. Its not even visible if you didn't know it was there now.

I have two scars on my forehead from falling into things as a toddler, I reckon most people have similar, but it's hard not to feel responsible. While playing with a 2-year-old a couple of years ago I wasn't able to catch her when she fell against a wall and she cut her forehead, she'll have a scar forever and I'll forever remember it and feel guilty!

I was badly bitten on my face as a child and my mother was so upset thinking I was scarred for life. It did look bad for a while when I was small (never bothered me at all though, I think I thought it looked cool) but by the time I was in my teens/20s you could hardly see it.

Now, if I ever mention having a scar people look confused and for them to see it I have to point it out under bright light. No one I've met as an adult has ever noticed it by themselves, it seems (except the odd dermatologist). You'd be amazed how things heal over a long time, years and decades.

My son has lots of scars on his face some big and some like puncture marks.
He had an accident at 14 months old and I agree with a lot of what has been said,his scar is very small but to you it looks big but as your son grows his scar will look very different and fade.
Feeling guilty won't change things believe me I know.
Your little boy will be fine and it won't affect him in years to come.
I now have a 6 year old who is asking questions about his face and other parts of his body's scars and it's hard.
So please don't worry about that little scar as your son will barley notice it as he gets older.
Also try bio oil and massage in a circular motion as that was the advice I was given by our plastic surgeon team.