Helping your married dd

[MrsCasares]

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

What a lovely gesture...I would snap your hands off!!

Seems a thing nowadays for grown adults to have some weird delayed adolescence whereby they seem incapable of coping with ordinary life without huge amounts of parental help.

formerbabe you sound a bit bitter! How is it pathetic to want to help your children?

Offer and see what she says? Give her a chance to run it past her DH too.
My DM has been helping me out with housework recently - have a non-sleeping newborn and full-on toddler and have been struggling. I love it and am immensely grateful to my DM for her help (and for the company too). My DF generally comes too and then I can help DM / get some outstanding chores done while he cuddles baby.

formerbabe you sound a bit bitter! How is it pathetic to want to help your children?

They're her children but not actual children though...they're fully functioning, healthy adults with no children? I'd happily help my dc when they're adults if they were unwell, had children or going through a tough time, but no way would I be still cleaning up after them and skivvying just because they have jobs!

When my children were little and ill my Mum would come and stay to look after them so I could go to work. And I'd get home to a meal and a clean house. I am eternally grateful to her and never saw it as intrusive.
OP - it's a lovely offer - just be sensitive and see how they react. If they're not keen, be gracious and accept it.

Depends on the relationship you have with them. When I babysit if the dishwasher needs emptying I'll do it, likewise if the washing needs hanging up, etc. Dd doesn't mind at all and I'm happy to help her, even just with small tasks.

If I lived near my DD and her OH and was retired, I would offer whatever help I could as I was so grateful to my mum and MIL for helping us when DD was small. We would often come home from work to find my mum had done the ironing, or baked a cake for us or run the vacuum round. Both her and my MIL helped out with childcare which we were very grateful for. I would offer and not be offended if they refuse. My DD and her OH love coming to stay as I get all their washing and ironing done and am happy to do it to help them!

You are a mum of dreams OP

Will you adopt me?

A lovely gesture OP xx

If you want to and they want you to? Yes.

Life is short, family is precious.

You're very kind. I hope that you're appreciated!

Op, I’ve done this in the past and if the need arose in the future I’d do it again.

I do whatever I can to help my lot out and they do the same for me.

It works for us.

My Mum does this every time we go on holiday, it's great, I HATE cleaning, she knows it, everyone does, now she's retired she's offered to 'maybe tidy up / run the hoover round' when she has any spare time and do I mind, my response, 'Don't worry, but if you want to, feel free to do what you like!' Ask! Yes, a comment on my house being a tip, so what!

YANBU and are the best! Lovely

My mum used to do our ironing for us it was a godsend. I hate ironing and worked long hours so didn't want to spend my day off cleaning and doing washing then Sundays ironing. She used to pick it up and return it all done. I wish she was still around to "interfere" I miss her everyday.

Oh yesss

If the have talked about a cleaner just say you wouldn't mind doing a basic tidy up on a regular basis.see how it goes. My DIL lives when I visit as I go from top to bottom cleaning, washing , ironing, cleaning ovens (double range) windows outside paths, garden. And, she has a weekly cleaner who to me costs a fortune for basically doing a skim over with a hoover and duster and a swish around in the bathrooms. No complaints from DiL or son. Grandson also loves it as I cook his favourite meals.

@MrsCasares please adopt me!!

Maybe they should struggle a bit, make their own decision about a cleaner before having children. It's a great offer but cleaning and tidying is a mindset. If you are relatively relaxed and do a bit every day then it keeps the place fine.

Hate to read on Mother’s Day about all these older women doing unpaid drudge work. What is it in some women that drives this weird martyr like behaviour? I don’t think it’s a good role model for the children either. Cleaning should be done jointly by the adults in the house or by a respected paid cleaner not wife’s mother creeping round like Mrs overall

Hate to read on Mother’s Day about all these older women doing unpaid drudge work. What is it in some women that drives this weird martyr like behaviour?

Totally agree. Made the same point myself. There’s something in some women that still sees themselves as domestic slaves.

I’d feel very uncomfortable about my mum slaving away in my house for free. Clearing up my shit. It’s wrong on so many levels.

With 2 FT incomes they can pay a cleaner and OP can go out and do something less boring instead.

..and another thing not to want to see first thing on Mother's Day - the BBC news deciding to ignore the fact it is Mother's Day and share that it is international Transgender persons day: why not mention neither or both? I don't think that the news is the place for either - it's not news.

Oh piss off. It’s not being a martyr. Nor is it slaving away. It’s being kind and thoughtful and helping your family out.

Nobody is being asked or made to do it.

Oh piss off.

Right backatcha.

It’s unpaid domestic drudgery. The fact that it’s voluntary kind of makes it worse.