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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woman in car and my kids

103 replies

kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 18:25

This happened earlier and really annoyed me, though I'm not sure if I'm annoyed at myself or the woman for criticising me.
I was going out with my children, dd2 in pram and ds4 walking at the side. My son has always been fantastic at walking, never runs off and always holds hands or holds the pram (dd is absolute opposite!) We'd left the house and I realised I'd forgotten something I needed to post. We'd just come out of our front garden and my son was holding onto the pram on the path. I told him to wait there while I nipped back for the letter. I was gone probably less than a minute, and it was about 15 steps from the pram to our house.
I came back to the pram and a car reversed down the road towards me, so I assumed they were wanting directions or something. The car pulled up and the woman driving said 'oh we thought they were by themselves.' I just smiled and said 'oh no it's ok I just nipped back for something', and thought that was the end of the conversation. All the time getting looks off her passenger. The driver then very condecendingly said to me 'you want to be careful, he could have run straight into the road'. And then drove off.
I felt really annoyed that this woman had decided to reverse down the road to say this to me, and spoke to me as if I was a negligent parent. But then I started to wonder whether I was being negligent, and it just worried me (I'm a massive worrier!) that this woman obviously thought I was out of order enough that she needed to come back and speak to me. AIBU?

OP posts:
kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 18:26

Sorry for lack of paragraphs, i definitely put them in when I wrote it!

OP posts:
SilviaSalmon · 29/03/2019 18:28

Sorry but I think YWBU to leave a 4 year old and toddler by themselves next to a road.

Needajob1 · 29/03/2019 18:29

I agree with Silvia. I wouldn't have left them.

MynameisJune · 29/03/2019 18:30

I wouldn’t have left them roadside if you’d just left the garden I’d have gone back into the garden. I think 4 is too young to leave alone next to a road. They have no impulse control if something had took his fancy across the other side.

Nicknacky · 29/03/2019 18:30

I don’t blame the woman, I would have done the same. He might be sensible but he is still only 4 years old. I think you were irresponsible.

And just to post a letter.

Namelessinseattle · 29/03/2019 18:30

It’s one of those things that it’s just not worth it, if this was the one time he didn’t stay put, or he dropped his toy and went after it, or the pram rolled or... or.... or.....

HarrysOwl · 29/03/2019 18:30

I agree with PP. You can never know for sure he wouldn't run out. Unnecessary to leave them there, and it may have been longer than you thought as someone did care enough to notice.

Twotome · 29/03/2019 18:31

I also think YWBU to leave them outside.

BeeFarseer · 29/03/2019 18:31

Yes, sorry, you were unreasonable. Different if there was a gate and they couldn't get out, but the woman was right.

dustyparadeground · 29/03/2019 18:32

Naah ...totally with you 15 seconds is fine would have done exactly the same.

SmallIslandLass · 29/03/2019 18:32

A friends 11 year old was hit by a car today after running after his ball was in surgery for a bleed on the brain
Just because you think they are sensible doesn't mean they will be 100% of the time they're kids who will be impulsive

MaidenMotherCrone · 29/03/2019 18:32

Would never, ever have left them. How hard would it have been to turn the pushchair around and walk 15 steps with them.

Imagine if a car had mounted the kerb and hit them or your little one had wandered into the road. The lady in the car was right.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/03/2019 18:32

If you had just come out of the garden then it would presumably have been easy enough just to pop back with the pram?

The woman was probably just freaked out. We all react a bit weirdly when we're panicky.

Prequelle · 29/03/2019 18:33

I'm sorry OP but I think they were right too!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/03/2019 18:33

smallisland that's so sad. I hope the recovery is better than expected Thanks

Barbie222 · 29/03/2019 18:34

Yes I think you were BU there sorry. I'd have brought them back to doorstep to get the letter. 15 steps is a few seconds run.

Dillydallyingthrough · 29/03/2019 18:34

Sorry OP but I agree with PP 4 years old just can't be trusted next to a road. He might be really good, but anything could grab his attention, startle or scare him (so for example a wasp buzzing around him could have made him run straight into the road).

trilbydoll · 29/03/2019 18:34

I have done similar plenty of times but we lived on a quiet cul-de-sac. I would not leave them next to a normal road. Especially if it is only a couple of steps back into the garden.

BlackeyedPetitsPois · 29/03/2019 18:34

I agree YWBU. It only takes a split second for something to happen (pram rolled or your DS saw a cat/dog and ran after it) however improbable you think it may be it’s not worth the risk.

Thankfully nothing happened this time.

maresedotes · 29/03/2019 18:35

No I don't agree with the woman. You know your child better than her - I had a bolter and another one who wouldn't have moved.

Soontobe60 · 29/03/2019 18:35

No, you were too careless with your children I'm afraid. The woman in the car could have been someone who took the chance to grab your child. Highly unlikely, but why would you take that risk?

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 29/03/2019 18:35

Sorry but I do too... I occasionally feel a bit lax for leaving mine outside strapped in their cart seats in a locked car while I nip back if I forget something! And I'm a bit of a slack parent tbh! 🙈

kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 18:36

Ok, glad to get some other views! I think I may have become a bit complacent with the 4 year old as he acts a lot older but of course you're right, anything could have happened.
SmallIslandLass so sorry to hear about your friend's son, hope he's going to be ok Flowers

OP posts:
purpleboy · 29/03/2019 18:38

Even if you think your son wouldn't move, as a pp said a car could of mounted the kerb plus a dozen other scenarios. Better to be safe than sorry.

negomi90 · 29/03/2019 18:39

I'm sorry but a 4 year old is good until they're not. Impulse control is an issue.
If the one time they decide not be good is while you're distracted and 15 steps away and they're on a road, then the consequences are potentially awful.
It doesn't even need to be being naughty, he could drop something or see something or get distracted.
If I was that woman I probably wouldn't have said anything, but I would have hovered until you got back.

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