Woman in car and my kids

[kate20091985]

This happened earlier and really annoyed me, though I'm not sure if I'm annoyed at myself or the woman for criticising me.
I was going out with my children, dd2 in pram and ds4 walking at the side. My son has always been fantastic at walking, never runs off and always holds hands or holds the pram (dd is absolute opposite!) We'd left the house and I realised I'd forgotten something I needed to post. We'd just come out of our front garden and my son was holding onto the pram on the path. I told him to wait there while I nipped back for the letter. I was gone probably less than a minute, and it was about 15 steps from the pram to our house.
I came back to the pram and a car reversed down the road towards me, so I assumed they were wanting directions or something. The car pulled up and the woman driving said 'oh we thought they were by themselves.' I just smiled and said 'oh no it's ok I just nipped back for something', and thought that was the end of the conversation. All the time getting looks off her passenger. The driver then very condecendingly said to me 'you want to be careful, he could have run straight into the road'. And then drove off.
I felt really annoyed that this woman had decided to reverse down the road to say this to me, and spoke to me as if I was a negligent parent. But then I started to wonder whether I was being negligent, and it just worried me (I'm a massive worrier!) that this woman obviously thought I was out of order enough that she needed to come back and speak to me. AIBU?

YWBVU. If it was only 15 steps why couldn't you take your children with you? Anything could happen in a short period of time, you're playing with fire.

I don’t want to criticise you because I’m guessing it was just a spur of the moment thought to run back inside but if I were you I would be grateful to that woman who reversed back down the road (illegal move really) to check that your kids were alright and not left totally alone. That’s a nice sense of community to check on children who might be in danger (I’m not necessarily saying they were but she didn’t know you had just run back in to grab a letter).

I think it was very good of her to check. I probably wouldn't have.

I wouldn't have left a 4 year old next to the buggy. He could have gotten a wild hair and decided to push the buggy himself and they both could have ended up in the road. She also might have thought he was even younger.

Yes it was just a spur of the moment thing, I just clearly didn't think properly. The pram we have manoeuvres like a tank so I think I thought I'd be quicker running in and back than turning back round with the pram. I think I'm just cross with myself really because of course anything could have happened.

Fyi the brake was on the pram so at least there was no chance of him trying to push it, even I struggle with the brake!

Sounds like you're a bit on the defensive because you know it was a slightly iffy judgement call op. No harm done though :)

I agree with other posters - but well done for taking it on board, OP!

Totally off topic but brand new to this site and have no idea what the abbreviations commonly used, actually mean. Help!

It sounds like the woman reversed to see if they were ok rather than just to have a go. I don't have DC but I think she tried to do a good thing first.

I think they were right, and were not trying to upset you.

I don’t think she reversed to say that. She reversed to check on the child which was good of her. When you came out she said that to explain her reversing. I’m not sure if you were right or not but she was good to be keeping an eye.
For what it’s worth my ds regularly waits in our drive for dh or I to bring the bikes round the side, there’s no gate and in theory “anything could happen” but we have to expose our children to small managed risks gradually.

We have all made mistakes, don't worry about the dc are fine. Next time just wheel them all back.

A car mounting the curb is a ridiculous thing to worry about, but I agree the that a 4yo has no impulse control and may well have run away from a wasp/after a toy etc and been in a dangerous situation. Or simply wandered further down the pavement and accidentally been in front of someone's driveway etc. Another time I would leave the buggy and take the 4yo :) and maybe make sure to explain to him that we never run into the road even if he did drop a toy or something - that an adult would need to get it for him.

It's good you're taking on views on this OP. I think it's because you have a younger child - the 4 year old seems totally grown up and sensible! But they really are not.

I lost my nearly 4 year old at a theme park for 45 minutes because of this thinking - I had a younger child and he seemed so vulnerable whereas she was quite grown up in comparison. So I let her wander around and of course she got completely lost and by the time I realised she had gone, she had already been out of eyeshot for quite a few minutes. I was in hysterics thinking she'd been abducted and it was another 30 minutes until I found her. Worst minutes of my life. Looking back I think I was insane - why the hell did I take my eyes off her even for a moment? But at the time it seemed perfectly reasonable.

No harm done in the end. And things were fine for you today also which is happy news. But yes, I'm with the lady in the car. In fact I probably would now be that lady in the car

No no no, OP! This is AIBU, you're not supposed to be reasonable and accept you're in the wrong, you should spit feathers and flounce!

No way would I ever have left my children unattended for any period of time, at those ages.

Yes I think because I have a younger one my ds seems so grown up in comparison, which is silly as there's only 2 years between them. I think I need to take this one on the chin and accept I was in the wrong!

Haha sorry!! I clearly don't know this all works!

I would have left a 4 year old for 15 steps. But then I lived in Berlin and routinely saw 5 year olds making their way on public transport by themselves to school.
It always amazes me how babbied kids are in this country,

I think the driver behaved very responsibly, what would we say about a person who ignored a pram and 4 yr old in the street by themselves.

A car mounting the curb could just as easily have happened if the OP was right next to them.

This is the kind of thing I might have done in the past, similar very sensible/ rule-abiding child who would never just wander into the road. But I got a real wake up call when we were walking along one day, his hat blew off, and if I hadn't been holding his hand he would have followed it straight into the road and been hit by a car. I'm now much more careful. It doesn't matter how good they are at consciously obeying instructions, their lack of impulse control can still be an issue.

He's 4, seen on his own by a road. Be glad someone was concerned.

@BertieBotts

A car mounting the curb is a ridiculous thing to worry about

Until it's happened to you.

I was walking to the shops (5 years ago, on a super hot summer day) totally normal road, residential area, normal day.

A boy racer came from no where at god knows what speed and mounted the curb as the road curved round, about 100m in front of me.

He hit a man and then a woman. The sound and sight was horrific.

The driver ran from the car. I called an ambulance and people started appearing from their houses (looking for the source of the sound, I guess).

I held the man's hand as he lay bleeding, pleading to be moved off the cold pavement floor. He looked so unhumanly twisted, I thought he was dying.

So yeah, it happens.

I would never ever do this, I agree with the driver.