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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman in car and my kids

103 replies

kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 18:25

This happened earlier and really annoyed me, though I'm not sure if I'm annoyed at myself or the woman for criticising me.
I was going out with my children, dd2 in pram and ds4 walking at the side. My son has always been fantastic at walking, never runs off and always holds hands or holds the pram (dd is absolute opposite!) We'd left the house and I realised I'd forgotten something I needed to post. We'd just come out of our front garden and my son was holding onto the pram on the path. I told him to wait there while I nipped back for the letter. I was gone probably less than a minute, and it was about 15 steps from the pram to our house.
I came back to the pram and a car reversed down the road towards me, so I assumed they were wanting directions or something. The car pulled up and the woman driving said 'oh we thought they were by themselves.' I just smiled and said 'oh no it's ok I just nipped back for something', and thought that was the end of the conversation. All the time getting looks off her passenger. The driver then very condecendingly said to me 'you want to be careful, he could have run straight into the road'. And then drove off.
I felt really annoyed that this woman had decided to reverse down the road to say this to me, and spoke to me as if I was a negligent parent. But then I started to wonder whether I was being negligent, and it just worried me (I'm a massive worrier!) that this woman obviously thought I was out of order enough that she needed to come back and speak to me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Notastepparentbut · 29/03/2019 19:14

Yeah, you were a bit complacent.

Sweetpotatoaddict · 29/03/2019 19:14

I probably wouldn’t have, however the chances of something happening are slim. I believe every parent has more than one incident of I shouldn’t have done that.
Forget about it op, don’t dwell. Absolutely no harm done.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 29/03/2019 19:15

Cars regularly mount the kerb here. We have dropped kerbs and a road that is just wide enough for 2 cars if they slow down. But they don't, they use the dropped kerbs as an extension of the road. Thankfully, so far, noone has been hit. That sounds terrible HarrysOwl

MrsCasares · 29/03/2019 19:18

Bless you Harry for the compassion you showed to an injured man.

There are also other scenarios beside mounted kerb. What if your dc had been abducted? It only takes a minute to snatch a child.

Yabu.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 29/03/2019 19:19

I bet that if you had turned out to be a built 6’3” bloke coming out of the house they wouldn’t have said a word.

arseabouttit · 29/03/2019 19:20

Well if it makes you feel better I saw a man let his toddler run all the way down two long zig zag Ramps today towards a bus turning circle. She stopped at the end thankfully and if she hadn't of course I would have grabbed her (we were sitting having a coffee as we are on holiday).

There is no way he could have run down the two turns in time from where he was standing ignoring her howling.

He in fact ignored her for so long that the men on the table next to us got up to search for him (I could see him) .

Totally irresponsible. Wish I had gone and told him off now! 🤷‍♀️😉

Langrish · 29/03/2019 19:21

I think it was good of her to come back and check. Accidents happen and he may not wander into the road but brakes can accidentally be knocked and the oram end up in the road.

PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 19:22

Ywnbu. Nothing was going to happen and nothing did happen.

PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 19:23

What if your dc had been abducted?

Ffs op was gone less than a minute and probably within ear shot the whole time.

BertieBotts · 29/03/2019 19:24

I know it happens, I just think it is astonishingly rare and not worth basing a risk assessment on. If OP had been standing with him it could have still happened but she wouldn't be irresponsible to walk down the street holding a 4yo's hand. It's also unfortunately as you saw not the kind of thing you can really react to in time. Sorry that you had to witness it, it sounds horrific. But it's not something people should regularly work into risk assessments (same for abduction), it's more important to be aware of risks which are much more likely to happen.

I don't think PPs were referring to curb mounting for parking, because if that was common in that stretch of road OP would likely have been aware of it and not left her child there, like you wouldn't let them stand in front of a driveway.

BertieBotts · 29/03/2019 19:25

PArking/extension of road kind of thing

SoupDragon · 29/03/2019 19:29

Nothing was going to happen and nothing did happen.

No, many things could have happened but nothing did. This time.

Ask parents make dodgy decisions during their parenting lives. Usually things are fine, sometimes they aren't.

Justaboy · 29/03/2019 19:36

I think I would have intervened in case somehing adverse had happened to the mother, seen something very similar before.

HarrysOwl · 29/03/2019 19:39

Usually things are fine, sometimes they aren't

That's it. Thing is, if you're standing right by your DC and something happens - well, there was nothing more you could have done. One of life's awful accidents.

But if something happens when you left your DC alone - just for a minute? I know I'd be wrecked with guilt wondering if I could have done something.

I don't think OP was irresponsible or a bad parent, at all, and all was fine. As it probably would be a thousand times over.

For me I suppose it's just about making decisions that you can live with, if the worst did happen, rather than choosing convenience - as there's no way I'd recover from blaming myself if a freak or rare big bad 'something' happened. But I could be influenced by my experience.

MotherOfDragonite · 29/03/2019 19:45

Even if you know they are sensible, it is quite possible for something unexpected and awful to happen. So, YABU I'm afraid.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 29/03/2019 19:46

You WERE negligent

Original poster
kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 19:50

WhentheRabbitsWentWild thanks for your input. However I've already admitted I shouldn't have done what I did, and that I'm mad at myself. Did you just want to stick the boot in?

OP posts:
Figgygal · 29/03/2019 19:51

Glad you've recognised you were wrong

I still can't believe you did it tbh

sleepylittlebunnies · 29/03/2019 19:52

I’ve done the same thing many times, after pulling a pram across the driveway stones and realising I’ve left the change bag in the porch, lunch box or purse etc. I’d put the brake on and tell DS to stay with his sister while I ran in, takes less than 60 seconds. DS has always been extremely sensible, we called him Mr health and safety. He’s always been risk averse and shows good judgement, didn’t know at the time that he also has ASD. DD1 and DD2 would have been fine to leave too and at age 4 would play out on the pavement with friends chalking and skipping.

Our road is a fairly quiet residential one and I don’t drive so walk everywhere with them so felt confident enough to risk it. I understand a car reversing to check on the children though, could’ve been a 4 year old taking his baby sibling out for a walk on his own.

I still feel on edge when I see little ones running ahead of parents by roads as I don’t know them and whether they are sensible or aware enough to stop and wait.

missteddy · 29/03/2019 19:58

I don't think you were bad in leaving them for 15 seconds but I don't think you should be cross with the lady either, we need to look out for each other and as much as she annoyed you, she was only looking out for your children.
I'm pregnant with my first so I'm not a mother yet, but humans are naturally protective towards their young and I think that's a good thing.

Yabbers · 29/03/2019 19:59

She didn’t reverse to tell you off, she reversed because all she saw was two very small children by themselves next to a road.

I would have done the same. She’s right, leaving him with the prom was a bad idea.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 29/03/2019 20:02

Well excuse ME OP , I never read the full fucking thread!!

I rarely post on here and now I know why !!! Always singled out when I do .

Original poster
kate20091985 · 29/03/2019 20:04

Ok, maybe read the whole thread instead of making a snap comment and getting offended? Just a thought.
I was wrong. I have admitted this several times, and I feel shit for doing it.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 29/03/2019 20:09

Don't feel shit, OP, we have all done stuff like this when we are busy, stressed, too tired to think things through, 99 per cent of us get away with it. No on wants to think about the one per cent who didn't.

Starch · 29/03/2019 20:10

Well excuse ME OP , I never read the full fucking thread!!

I rarely post on here and now I know why !!! Always singled out when I do

You could try reading the full fucking threads in future, it stops you looking like a complete twat. If you can't be bothered though, fair enough. Just don't be surprised when people talk to you as if you're a total twat.