Am I being paranoid or is this suspicious?

[Embarrassedmuch]

If your DH had form for infidelity and you'd spent the past year trying to get past a huge betrayal for the sake of keeping your family together with very young children..

Would a sudden 'makeover' and image improvement make you suspicious, if for no other reason than it coinciding with him spending more time in the company of females at work?

He has just changed positions at work from working alongside only men to now being in a department where %90 of the colleagues are female.

He thinks I'm being paranoid and over reacting. I haven't started an argument but I have told him what I think.

Please tell me whether I'm BU or you would be at least a bit sceptical.

He hasn't gave a hoot about how he looks for the past year, suddenly he's making a big effort and it isn't for my sake.

Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself. You have had a tough day today.

Thanks all for the kind words and advice, it's been therapeutic to be able to vent a bit!

All the background aside. I’d simply be bloody pissed off he blatantly did something he knew would upset you. People who love other people, don’t do that kind of thing.

Your not the one that can work on rebuilding your trust in him...he had to do that

He hasn’t sadly

He always tries to deflect everything back onto you

Yep, he does.

He was acting like everything was ok this evening, I wasn't having it brushed under the carpet so asked him why he reacted the way he did this morning.

His response was that I was 'having a go' at him about having a hair cut.

I wasn't.

I then asked whether he genuinely believed it was all just about a haircut and reminded him that in 7 years I've never said a word or had an issue about him cutting his hair before.

He then said he knew it wasn't just about that and he knew why I was thinking the way I was.

I asked him if he understood where I was coming from then was he flying off the handle and reacting as though I had no reason to be uneasy given the history.

He said "because it's just a hair cut and it felt like I had to ask permission to get one"

I told him that was absolute rubbish and the way he reacted was quite cruel and uncalled for.

I made it clear I wouldn't be bringing the subject up again after today because he clearly can't/won't communicate properly so there's nothing left to say on the matter because the trust has gone and he's dessimated the very last of it with his kicking off today.

I've come to bed on my own.

Try to get some sleep. What plans do you have for the weekend? Can you get out of the house, go and do something nice?

You can't trust him. You know what he's like. He's literally searching for someone to cheat on you with. Please leave him.

Hello me dear. Well done you for assertively saying what needed to be said.
I see that he did try and turn it back on you. You sound as though you kept your cool.
Do your best to do something enjoyable today with DC, if possible. Keep hold of the idea that life will get better longer term.
Listening ears and support here from all of us

I’m sorry but liars most common tact is to deflect the issue onto you by behaving in the way he has, deflect and make you out to be the issue...

You know in your gut

If he was trying to repair then he’d listen and be understanding and take on board your feelings... he’s not doing that

It sounds like your conversation is all about how he felt and you defending that. You need to take a deep breath, make sure he is calm, and be clearly saying you are not having a go at him. That you need reassurance because you want to keep in the relationship.

However, do you really?

This sounds like two people sniping at each other and it’s not been good for you for a while. Why is it worth saving?