To be massively pissed off?

[Fedup198]

My son is 26. He has 2 kids with one ex and another on the way with new gf in a few weeks.

Him and new gf asked could they stay with me for 3 months, various reasons given. On the understanding they save and get their own place. They live for free (buy their own food) he has never had his own place. Him and gf’s always flit between relatives.

They are lazy, don’t clean up after themselves or the kids at weekends, despite my constant telling them to. Think piles of washing up, scum in the bath, mess all over the worktops, plates left everywhere etc.

He has just been sacked from his job, his own fault. They have no savings, despite living here for free. As he has decided to start his own company and spend all savings on that and holidays, weekends away, flash cars which are then repossessed, designer clothes etc.

Their 3 months is up. They have made no effort to save or even look for a place. I’m sick to death of keep ‘nagging’ them about responsibility and priorities etc.

Would I be unreasonable to tell them they have to leave? With a baby due in a few weeks, no credit, no saving etc?

They are massively taking the piss and you and everyone else housing them are letting them.

If they are old enough to be parents they are old enough to have a modicum of responsibility for themselves. I would be ashamed of my son if he had this attitude to life. What a total liberty taker!!

Your house, your rules. I might be generous and drive her and the kids down the council offices - they'll be housed quicker with no bloke in tow.

But you knwo as well as I do, you wont chuck your own child out. I assume his father isnt still with you?

Nope not unreasonable at all! At 26 he needs to get his act together! If he’s not made to do it now-he never will!

Not unreasonable at all. You need to stop enabling him. My DM did this with DB. He used to have friends round at all hours, smoking weed etc in her home, moved his GF in without asking her, paid nothing, didn't work... I could go on. He thought the world owed him a living. He is now on wife 5 and abandoned his 2 children without a backward glance and only works now because he lives in the US and he has to as part of the residency agreement.

Your DS has to grow up. He's 26 and a father. You are not responsible for him any longer. If you continue to let them live with you for free, nothing will change. You will always have to pay for him. Let them go and stay with someone else, but you don't need a life-long child along with grandchildren living with you.

No his father and I split up years ago.

I know he is my son, I don’t want to leave them homeless, although effectively he has always been homeless since moving out! He has never had his own place!

They just won’t listen.

If you don't feel able to kick them out, Could you make it more uncomfortable living with you? Say their 3 month's rent free is up, so the rent is now X amount.
Stop clearing/cleaning after them as muchas possible...a friend of mines mother started returning dirty laundry to their room if left anywhere else.
Any other little things you do to make their lives easier, stop. Treat them as you would treat unrelated lodger, get a contract signed up to say communal areas must be left as found. Kitchen/bathroom cleaning rota.
If they don't abide by it, they will be evicted...might make it more real if it's formal?

As long as you allow current rent free situation to continue, they will take the piss

Rmogs I do some of that already. Anything like plates etc left in the front room, I take upstairs and put in their room. They stay there until there isn’t a clean plate left!

I’ve told them clean up, it’s getting on my nerves. 1st rule of being allowed to stay, you leave things as you find them. They will clean up, for about the first 10 minutes of me saying it, that’s it.

I think you 100% right, I was trying to help them save with the don’t pay anything, it’s backfired and more convenient for them to take the piss.

Hi OP, totally agree with PPs, especially the one who said to tell them that their three months of rent free accommodation is now up. Out of interest, does your son pay maintenance for his other children or does he have them in your house 50% of the time? If the latter, that must add to it all too.

Ask if they need any help packing as their 3 months is up and it's time for them to move out. "This is my house, not yours... time to grow up and stand on your own two feet."

Yanbu!

They are taking the piss out of your kindness op.

We have a friend staying with us since Aug. Asked could he stay until Christmas then at Christmas asked for another month I said OK as place he was moving to wasn't ready. Anyway that place fell through and he's still with us.

He is very clean and tidy but I want my sitting room back.

He also drives me insane with his constant staring and turning up in the kitchen when I go into it. If I come home he appears and says oh your home like he's waiting for me.

He just stares all the time, it's so horrible.

I'm getting the rage now just thinking about it.

Get rid op, you gave them a date and they have done nothing.

lobster he does pay maintenance for his kids and has them over night every weekend from fri-sun. He buys their food and tbh spoils them too, instead of saving!

Although, it obviously costs me in terms of electric, gas, mess, cleaning and time! My grandchildren are only babies, they are my shadows! Follow me everywhere, as I’m the only one who moves!!

myheart that’s how I’m feeling, I want my house back!

They are taking the p! They’re showing they have no kind of responsibility of looking after their own place how will they cope with a baby on top of that! From knowing people who have done this I have a feeling they’re hoping you will evict them so they get council housing or so you feel sorry for them and let them stay for free long term.
I’d be setting some rules maybe even a ‘contract’ and if they don’t stick to it they have will have to find somewhere else to live. I know it’s not what you want to do but you have a right to peace in your own home and not having to clear up after other adults.
Print out job adverts or apply for him and if they’re claiming benefits ask for a % of it so they have no spare money for luxuries. Don’t make it so easy and comfortable living there as they are taking advantage. I hope it gets sorted.

Annie They don’t want a council place, I’ve suggested putting their names down!

This pisses me off too! They turn their noses up at a council place or claiming benefits! Like it’s beneth them!

Up until being sacked, he did have a really good job and was working all hours. Just his priorities are not right. Spending money like water on all the wrong things!

They will never get a mortgage or even private rent, want references, credit checks etc.

Just had a chat with them about finding a place and being settled before baby arrives.

They have said they don’t have the money for a place. Ive told them I don’t have room for a baby and 2 other kids 3 days a week! I have one spare room, a box room. It has a double bed and a single bed squeezed in there. No room, for a cot.

They want me to have the single bed in my room! And the 2 grandchildren in with me, 3 days a week.

I’ve said I’m not doing it. Now I don’t care about my grandchildren and I’m stopping him seeing his kids! you shouldn’t keep having kids under everyone’s else’s roofs but your own.

They have stormed off and I’m left feeling like the bad guy.

You are not the bad guy OP. You are doing exactly the right thing.

What a thing to suggest- the kids in your room three nights a week! So you can get woken up in the night I assume.

Council offices for them I think OP. And why won't they claim benefits? Madness!

You have put a bomb under them now so hopefully it will cop them on. If you hadn't said anything they'd still be there in 10 years time. Isn't it well for them that they had planned out the sleeping arrangements already Don't back down. Keep telling them they have had ample time to find accommodation as was the original plan when you kindly allowed them to stay. They are complete CF's.

I bet when they moved in they had no intention to be out in 3 months.

Your DS needs to put something on the end of it.

You’re not th bad guy OP, your son is being an utter arse hole. If he want to go round having kids he needs to act like a fucking adult & provide a home for them isn’t he? If he was 18 I’d be telling you to be hopeful he grew up in the next few years but unfortunately his already 26 years old!!? Feel for you OP, I really do. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all about wanting your house back - give them a time limit.

You’re not the bad guy op you are being manipulated.

Stick to your guns what you’re doing is right it’s not even any good for them to be able to scrounge off you. They are lazy and need to grow up.

Yep, one grandchild doesn’t sleep through the night (old enough to, but doesn’t, wakes for bottles about 3 times a night! And lost dummy etc)

They already take the piss in this respect, send them into me when they wake up! So they can stay in bed until the afternoon! I’ve put a stop to this and take them straight back! I have disabled adult son and have enough on my plate already!

They look down their noses at benefits and council houses. My son has always worked, absolutely no reason not to rent privately, well until now. His eldest child is 4. He has had over 4 years to save and find a place.

Time for you to tell your DS some serious home truths OP. I'm surprised it didn't happen when he made the suggestion about you taking the single bed but you need to be going nuclear at his sheer cheek. Tell him exactly how entitled, selfish and unreasonable he is being. Or maybe just show him this thread and let him see what strangers think of the way he's behaving.

And then follow it up with 'I want you out in x amount of time, even if that means reporting as homeless to the council, you no longer have the luxury of choice.' This is one of those situations where you're doing your (adult) DC a disservice by giving them what they want instead of what they need, he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet and sometimes people won't do that until they're made to.

Yeah they will lay on the emotional blackmail thick and fast now their free ride is coming to an end.
If you back down this arrangement won’t get better,it will get worse and whatever happens you will be painted as the bad guy.
They have stomped off and sulked thinking you will back down.
Now is the time to ask them,what are they going to do and can you drive them down the council offices.
Not they will automatically get a place but it might get them to be a bit more responsible,stop making so many stupid decisions and stop treating you like a mug.

Tbh if he hadn't made a home in the last four years and having two children already he was never going to do that within three months with a different GF and another baby on the way.
Time to get tough OP, write a letter informing them of your intention to evict them within two weeks as they have overstayed the agreed period and send them with the letter to the council offices.
Do it now before the next baby appears as it will be another reason for them to need to stay otherwise.

He has had home truths, time and time again! They have stormed off as they didn’t like hearing it!

I was stupid to agree to them staying in the first place. He has always worked and had plenty of time, money and opportunity to get a place.

Now I suspect they have burnt their bridges with other relatives for exactly the same reasons and I really would be making them homeless, with no where to go.

I can't believe they suggested you sleep in a single bed!

They are taking the absolute piss. They only thing to do is chuck them out really.