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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Gomyownway · 27/03/2019 15:29

You know I’m 2019, it’s quite common for first dates to split the bill right. Shock horror, but there are men out there who won’t pay for their first dates food, never mind her taxi home.

Your friend is in for a big shock.

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 27/03/2019 15:30

It’s more that most men would not get in a cab first after a date - not unless they were doing a runner!

It’s not a cab or a taxi. It’s an Uber, and they have their own set of systems and procedures that are different from a taxi.

She was confused and still is because it made her think he couldn’t get away quick enough.

Such paranoia after a first date is a red flag for him.

But then he did, apparently, at least text to see if she got home and he seems keen now, so who knows?

Who knows? Pretty much everyone except you. I don’t know whether you’re deliberately trying to put your friend off what seems a nice man due to jealousy or something else, or whether you just really are so backwards.

Moreisnnogedag · 27/03/2019 15:30

Jeez. If a man insisted on giving me his Uber purely because I’m a weak feeble woman I’d be fuming. Pay for taxi on my behalf?! Piss off - I’m a grown assed woman who could certainly get a fucking cab without a man overseeing that.

Be careful - your friend might actually be setting herself up to be the person no one wants a second date with.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 15:31

The cab thing would be fine, if she does not want to meet in Hampstead, she should say so, and meet in a neutral location. Just keep options open.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:31

Ok Thankyou Confused. She is prepared to meet him at this place this weekend and we’re all in agreement.

You can tell we haven’t done this for a long time Blush

This is not about me. I’ve been married for many moons. I think if it were me I’d ask him to meet more in town though (personally). You never can tell.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 27/03/2019 15:31

She can always take some Kendal mintcake, just in case

Grin
Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:32

Now she’s asking if she should suggest somewhere in town?

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 15:32

I'd be getting the Tube home, and if he tried to do some overprotective bullshit about getting me a cab or going with me he'd be getting some serious side-eye and, if he pushed it, a "fuck off".

TinyTear · 27/03/2019 15:32

@OP

Also, he knows she has no car, so why expect her to travel to north London when he could organise something more centrally or go her way?

Hampstead is zone 2
not exactly the end of the world.

you can go from inside a Leicester square cinema to hampstead in 30 minutes on the tube...

id actually say Hampstead is lovely and central

ScatteredMama82 · 27/03/2019 15:32

I wouldn't expect a man to 'send a cab' for me. If I was travelling some way I'd expect him to meet me from the train/bus just out of courtesy. I wouldn't have expected him to call her a cab either at the end of their date, but I would have preferred him to wait with her until hers came (if it was at night). My DH wouldn't have left me in town alone at night but he's a gent :)

DerelictWreck · 27/03/2019 15:32

I can't quite believe I'm reading this shit.

I'm not even going to mince my words - it's crap attitudes like this which allow men to justify the patriarchy and lack of equality. "oh you don't really want equality you still want us to open doors for you/pay for you/ sort your bloody uber'.

This man has literally done nothing wrong. She's a grown woman for gods sake not a child who needs to be looked after and paid for.

DanglyBangly · 27/03/2019 15:34

If your friend has just got divorced, it must mean that Uber wasn’t around when she was last dating. This situation is entirely to do with how Uber works. Nothing to do with his manners or opinion of her.

Justaboy · 27/03/2019 15:34

Now if that were me, call me old fashioned, I'd make sure the lady was in the cab and I'd pay for it in advance to make sure she was safe.

But these days I'm now uncertain of what would be expected of me!.

Looks like dammed if you do and do not;(

leonasa · 27/03/2019 15:34

It's worth mentioning that cars can't just sit and wait on Charing Cross Road! If they'd both called Ubers and his came first then it is VVU and probably actually impossible for it to just wait.

Asking her to come up to Hampstead, hmm well if she doesn't want to then it probably would be fairer to meet somewhere in the middle. Is she the other side of London? Perhaps he is hoping he might get lucky?? But imagining that he would get her a cab, I mean this is London, everyone uses public transport.

But expecting a man to arrange and pay for transport on a date is extremely unreasonable, I'm 37 and I do like to be treated nicely by a man but I've never ever heard of this at all.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:34

Fucks sake.

I am recently divorced. I married at twenty I am now 37.

I would never expect Dp (when we dated) to pay for and arrange my travel. I drive, should I have given home a petrol receipt and agreed on a pence per mile deal?

Not having dated doesnt mean you dont live in the real world.

This wasnt a thing in the 90s or 00s either.

You are just tight.

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 15:34

Its Hampstead, which is lovely, not the bloody Highlands? You're still in zone 2! If she doesn't want to go to his actual house, fine, but why does she seem so set on playing daft games?

NuclearReactor · 27/03/2019 15:35

This wouldn't phase me. I'm a grown woman I don't need a man to wait with me to get a taxi. His came first so why make his taxi fare higher when it isn't needed?

I would see him again, if the date went well of course.

GoGoGadgetGin · 27/03/2019 15:36

I'm actually agog at the thinking that this is a 'red flag' situation and think that clearly your 'friend' must be living in a bizarre bubble for this issue. This thread is a contender for the special snowflake and 1st world problem award!

CalmdownJanet · 27/03/2019 15:37

I'd say she should just do him a favour and not meet him again

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:37

When I was about 23, I remember I was supposed to be going on a date with this one who asked me to get trains to Croydon (from Clapham) to meet him. I said no and it was a good call because it later emerged he wasn’t even fully divorced.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 27/03/2019 15:38

What do people in the ‘have to be seen into a taxi’ crew do when they meet another women for dinner/drinks/theatre and live in different directions?!

ColeHawlins · 27/03/2019 15:38

and it was a good call because it later emerged he wasn’t even fully divorced.

Right. Partially divorced men being renowned cannibals or something?

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:39

When I was about 23, I remember I was supposed to be going on a date with this one who asked me to get trains to Croydon (from Clapham) to meet him. I said no and it was a good call because it later emerged he wasn’t even fully divorced.

And?

What's your point? you don't have one do you

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:39

“Perhaps he is hoping he might get lucky??”

Yes this as well. It could be interpreted as presumptuous?

OP posts:
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