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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:21

I’ve done this loads actually - they just reset it for you. So he could have done that?

You have done it loads. But didn't know until just now?

Did she get a cab back to London bridge?

Justawaterformeplease · 27/03/2019 15:22

I really hope the Daily Mail get hold of this.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/03/2019 15:22

FFS. I am in no way useless at life because I consider it thoughtful for a guy to make sure that I get in my cab after a night out.

I'm good at life: educated, solvent and, above all, happy

But not solvent enough to pay for your own cab. Or educated enough to use the uber app to book one. Hilarious.

UrsulaPandress · 27/03/2019 15:23

I am old, so I do think it would be nice if he had waited until she was safely in a cab, but I existed in the days before Uber.

Having said that, I used to get bladdered in Soho, stagger to Piccadilly and get the tube home on my own, late at night. Go me.

And Hampstead is a lovely place for a date. Driving from Chelsea to Hampstead would be mad. That's what the tubes are for.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 15:23

stevie, i'm 56 if that helps - and I can call my own cab, walk into a pub on my own, eat dinner on my own, I think my dh would think I had gone mad if i suddenly became a clinging drip.

Jesus wept (or He will when He reads this) So can I. I can cut my own hair, paint my own nails and organise my fitness training routine, too. But it's nice if someone else does those things!

M4J4 · 27/03/2019 15:23

Please tell her to say no the date. I feel so sorry for him, don't inflict your friend on him anymore.

cuppycakey · 27/03/2019 15:24

This has to be a wind up surely?

BarbedBloom · 27/03/2019 15:24

I’m 37 and would have been happy for him to head off first and order my own transport home. I definitely would not have expected him to pay for my taxi or to send a car for me for the second date. I don’t know anyone in my circle of friends who would either.

Genderwitched · 27/03/2019 15:24

do people think she should get him to come her way before she goes up there?

No, I think that she should go to Hampstead, enjoy the date at face value and ask herself whether this man attracts her, makes her laugh and interests her. She needs to stop overthinking every detail and just have fun.

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crunchymum · 27/03/2019 15:24

OP, Are you suggesting that the bloke should have changed his destination to Chelsea (and left himself unable to order a second cab?) Or was he meant to take her home to Chelsea in the cab and then go onto Hampstead in the same cab???? Neither of these are acceptable options.

I don't get what you think the man should have done? At a push if they were both ordering Ubers then he probably should have offered for hers to come before he ordered his but that doesn't seem to be what you are saying?????

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 15:25

I walk alone through the city at absolutely any time of day or night and it's fine. I just think it's nice if someone looks out for me now and then!

CalmdownJanet · 27/03/2019 15:25

No wonder she's single

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:25

Ok maybe some if us are a bit stuck in the 90s. Blush I’m prepared to hear I might be encouraging her to be a bit precious. Of course she can get around anywhere any time she’s lived here for over 20 years. This is not the point. It’s more that most men would not get in a cab first after a date - not unless they were doing a runner! She was confused and still is because it made her think he couldn’t get away quick enough. But then he did, apparently, at least text to see if she got home and he seems keen now, so who knows?

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 15:25

I don't see the issue...? It's the Charing Cross Road, ie busy at all hours and perfectly safe. Why would she need to be babysat until her taxi arrived? Why is he obligated to run up the cost of his journey for who knows how long because of some vague sexist bullshit? Presumably she managed to get to the date under her own steam, somehow.

M4J4 · 27/03/2019 15:25

She says what you can do, when an uber comes, is ask to change the destination. I’ve done this loads actually - they just reset it for you. So he could have done that?

So he would have had to wait for her to get home before ordering himself another Uber? On what planet does that make sense?

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:26

But it's nice if someone else does those things!

So you call cans and wait for the man to get in then wait on your own, as well?

Gomyownway · 27/03/2019 15:26

Ok op if he had theoretically changed the destination to hers. He’d have then had to stand there and wait until she arrived at her house, before he could then order another uber.

Can you honestly not see how bonkers that would be? When she could simply order her own uber.

combatbarbie · 27/03/2019 15:26

If he had hailed a taxi then yes, no manners etc but your implying they both had ubers ordered, they are linked to your booking, the address, payment everything so in that sense, no it's just unfortunate his arrived first

thebabessavedme · 27/03/2019 15:27

stevie, I'm talking about being an independent adult, I hardly think the ability to paint ones own nails shows you can take care of yourself on a night out.

Magenta82 · 27/03/2019 15:27

It’s more that most men would not get in a cab first after a date - not unless they were doing a runner!

She might have a point if it was a cab, but it wasn't it was an Uber.

ginghamtablecloths · 27/03/2019 15:27

It depends which way you look at it. In the name of equality it's all right for her to get her own taxi but it was, at the very least, ungentlemanly. It would've been nice for him to make sure she'd got home safely.

I haven't dated since the last century of course but my friends would have been fuming at this. Being a 40-something woman doesn't make that much difference.

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 15:28

And now men are obligated to pay for their date's taxi home...?

What the actual fuck? You think a man is obligated to send a cab to chauffeur a woman to a date? I guess only millionaire men can date in your world.

NoCauseRebel · 27/03/2019 15:28

Well, my sixteen year old went to a gig with a female friend recently. They live in different areas and were coming back by train fairly late, so I did say to him to make sure she got home first as it was possible for them to go via where she lives and he then got a Uber home from that area. But they’re established friends plus they’re still very young so I want them both to be safe.

If I were meeting a stranger off the net there is no way I would want them to have my address until some kind of relationship (be that platonic or romantic) had been established.

Sometimes women can be more vulnerable however I don’t consider that vulnerability to include having to pay for your own cab home...

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:29

She was confused and still is because it made her think he couldn’t get away quick enough. But then he did, apparently, at least text to see if she got home and he seems keen now, so who knows?

That's a lie. She expected him to pay for her cabs. She said he was rude.

This is not about her feeling hurt because she thought he wanted to get away from her it's because he didn't pander to her every whim.

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