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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 28/03/2019 10:49

To be fair to Jalila she specifically said that she thought the whole situation with her friends' daughter having an arranged marriage to a man in Dubai was weird.

OP if you are indeed from a different cultural background than white British and quite wealthy, as it seems you are, then that would indeed explain a lot. But if your friend is going to be dating post divorce then, unless she dates only within her and your fairly narrow social circle, she needs to be aware that most men she dates will not have the same expectations and will expect her to get herself around, probably on public transport, even after they are in a relationship.

oh4forkssake · 28/03/2019 10:52

Gosh OP, I wonder how your friend would have felt about my first date with DH which involved me getting off the Tube at Oval, from where I had to get a bus home through Camberwell of all places, while he kept on to Tooting!

Miracle there was a second date. Or ten years of marriage. Or two children.

This thread is batshit. All this ubering from Chelsea to Hampstead makes it officially the most upper middle class thread ever.

Mother87 · 28/03/2019 10:53

She possibly needs to date Jacob Rees-MoggGrinfairly sure he'd arrange the carriages to arrive/depart in the correct orderGrin

Mother87 · 28/03/2019 10:55

"Ubering from Chelsea to Hampstead"Grin not quite Jack Kerouac On The RoadGrintickled me this has

nutsfornutella · 28/03/2019 10:57

Giving a stranger your home address is really not a good idea for safety reasons . I hope your kids know not to do this- especially online.

You can't compare an alleyway and Charing Cross Road. 😂

livefornaps · 28/03/2019 11:01

Do any of you and your chums ever wonder why you're single in your 40s?

RosaWaiting · 28/03/2019 11:05

oh I knew there was going to be a "mega rich" or other factor at play here - well I mentioned it, but OP understandably isn't going to come out and say "why yes, we are mega rich" Grin

thanks for the laughs all.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 11:05

Hi to be honest, now that people have said about the escort thing, I can see why people might think sending a cab might feel a bit like that. Definitely in the early days- like he’s summoning her over. I may need to admit I was wrong there.

She didn’t meet him on OLD. They met at an event and then again on another night.

I just think you can’t be too careful because how wouid you feel traipsing up to his area, only to find out he has about 3 women on the go. You never know?

On the menus subject, as I said we have a group of DC and so, as you can imagine, trying to decide where to go for dinner can be a minefield at weekends. It can take an hour to come to any consensus.l and the whole thing gives me a headache. So this is why, if DH and I go on a “date”, I’m quite glad when he says to me “you just get yourself ready for x o’clock” and he’ll send a car to wherever we’re going. He eats out more than I do due to his work, so if he finds something he knows I like he’ll organise that. And yes, he might order for me if he’s recommending something he thinks I’ll like. It’s a hassle extricating yourself from kids sometimes and so I don’t think he’s being bossy or controlling. It’s never felt like that.

OP posts:
Amongstthetallgrass · 28/03/2019 11:06

Do any of you and your chums ever wonder why you're single in your 40s?

That’s totally unnecessary. You have no idea the reasons why they could be single. My cousin has just left a 25 year relationship because he battered her black and blue. She is 41.

Do you think the reason that single people in their 40s is because they are not great at dating Hmm or something is wrong with them? How judgemental Hmm

Dairyqueen2 · 28/03/2019 11:09

After OP's last update - I'm out ... this is beyond anything in my reality or what I'm used to

CandleLand · 28/03/2019 11:10

just think you can’t be too careful because how wouid you feel traipsing up to his area, only to find out he has about 3 women on the go. You never know?
Grin I'd feel the exact same if I was being cheated on whether I had to travel 5 metres or god forbid 6 miles away to hamsted!

CandleLand · 28/03/2019 11:13

And yes, he might order for me if he’s recommending something he thinks I’ll like.
Why not just recommend though and let you make the choice if you want it or not?
Seriously bizarre to just order for you.

RosaWaiting · 28/03/2019 11:13

oh cross post

latest update also showing "mega rich" but regardless, if anyone is reading this and trying to extract norms, please be careful with your address. It doesn't matter if someone is sending a limo - safety first.

sorry, had to get that in because so many awful things happen.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 11:14

I’m not single, but I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone who is. Even women in their 40s Shock

OP posts:
mopthefloor · 28/03/2019 11:14

just think you can’t be too careful because how wouid you feel traipsing up to his area, only to find out he has about 3 women on the go. You never know?

They've had ONE DATE! She can't reasonably expect it to be exclusive from here on in Grin

Dairyqueen2 · 28/03/2019 11:16

Fascinating to see how some people live, though

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 11:17

I was single in my 40s because I’d had one bad relationship where he was all kinds of abusive, and I wasn’t going to date again until my kids were older, they needed stability from me, and also - I wasn’t going to make a mistake twice.

🤬 fucks me right off that it’s seen as a negative that I did that. Tbh.

myrtleWilson · 28/03/2019 11:18

If he's got three women on the go what difference does it make if you "traipsed up to his area" or just went centrally... Is she inclined to ignore the 3 other women if they go out in Chelsea??

I actually can't believe any woman in 2019 would sit there and let their DH order food for them Shock

SoHotADragonRetired · 28/03/2019 11:19

OP isn't single..? Shes married with DC and her friend is newly single after a long marriage. Which is a common scenario and not a basis for crappy low blows.

OP again it's fine between you and your DH if you aren't particularly bothered about restaurants and are happy to have him take on the mental load there. But again that's in the context of 1) the two of you being longtime married 2) the two of you being wealthy enough to routinely 'send a car' 3) you being, how shall I put this, rather more happy to be 'looked after' than most women in the UK.

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 11:19

I shagged himself on our first date. I’ve no idea if he was exclusive (well I do, but I didn’t then because we hadn’t had the chat). 🤷‍♀️ He was sexy, I felt like it, it was a bit of fun and where was the harm? Two adults wanting to have sex is just that. It doesn’t infer commitment.

(He laughed when I asked him were we exclusive. He says he was exclusive from the minute I walked in to the bar. 🤢🤮💗)

Pegsinarow · 28/03/2019 11:20

Call me old fashioned, but I think it would have been polite of him to ask if he could call two cabs or could he have offered her his Uber? I've no idea how they work!

It's not about a grown woman not being able to fend for herself, which of course she can, it's about the fact he gave no thought or consideration to how she was getting home and just looked after himself.

SoHotADragonRetired · 28/03/2019 11:23

Although yes, I do have to wonder why the focus on 'what if he's seeing other women and you went to HAMPSTEAD for him'! Does your social circle revolve around where you currently live? Is this the first time you or a friend has dated outside your culture? London is big and Londoners are totally used, in general, to travelling across it to see friends or go on dates. To go from an area as fairly central as Chelsea to one like Hampstead ditto is nothing to an average Londoner. Also most people ARE going to be seeing other people if they're actively dating and it's very very early days.

burritofan · 28/03/2019 11:27

I traipsed up to DP's area on the first date. Had to get the rail replacement bus from London to Brighton.

Keener · 28/03/2019 11:31

I just think you can’t be too careful because how wouid you feel traipsing up to his area, only to find out he has about 3 women on the go. You never know?

OP, this would be your friend's what second date with this guy??? Unless they've decided to be exclusive with one another, there's nothing stopping him or her -- dating several people concurrently. And the distance she travels within London has no bearing on whether this is the case or not. Obviously, she's entirely within her rights to not to want to keep seeing someone who is also seeing other women, but she'll be cutting down her potential field considerably.

Keener · 28/03/2019 11:32

I traipsed up to DP's area on the first date. Had to get the rail replacement bus from London to Brighton.

He was obviously a very attractive prospect. Grin

The OP's friend would have the vapours at the mere idea of rail replacement buses.