Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 31 32 33 ··· 39 40

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:

Keener · 28/03/2019 10:06

there is nothing remarkable about any of this

And yet over 770 comments have all indicated the contrary, some of us Londoners and former Londoners, some of whom have gone on dates and braved the terrors of waiting for a cab on the Charing Cross Road without breaking out into Ickle Pwincess wails about the unchivalrous horror of it all.

pootyisabadcat · 28/03/2019 10:09

Jalila I think a lot of your experience and perspective, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that you are a very wealthy person who is not originally of British culture/origin, and so that's going to read differently to most people posting on this site. Sending cars, not using public transport, ideals and expectations about how 'most men' behave on dates, arranged marriages suggests to me that you and your mate and friends are Asian and have a different cultural background.

SoHotADragonRetired · 28/03/2019 10:09

...there's something extremely fucking remarkable about ever thinking that someone should send a cab to ferry you from Chelsea to Hampstead for a second date and that because 'he knows she doesn't have a car' he shouldn't have asked her to go a whole six miles across London!

You and your friend are the weird ones!

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 28/03/2019 10:10

FlippinNora1, "Wtf are you talking about? Give a woman a menu?? Surely it’s down to the man to choose her food "

I've just choked on my tea,
I need to do some work, but this thread just keeps giving.....

Dairyqueen2 · 28/03/2019 10:11

I think pooty has it. There's a culture clash here.

DerelictWreck · 28/03/2019 10:12

I can’t believe the reaction to this thread. To be honest though, when all is said and done, I still do think most women would be confused if, at the end of a perfectly pleasant evening, the man just got in a cab and went. It IS unusual

I can't quite believe that after almost 800 posts, the vast majority of which were saying this was ridiculous, you're still saying you think the most people would find this off and that is is unusual. Have you been reading a different thread?!

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:13

I’m to pick from the airport tonight. Should I be sending a cab?

nutsfornutella · 28/03/2019 10:15

Who pays for the journey home in a lesbian or gay couple?

I think some of the people who replied don't know how Uber works. If he ordered the cab, he'd have to wait until she got out of the taxi before ordering his Uber home.

The only time I've heard of sending a taxi is people off on business trips. The taxi would take the person (male or female) to the airport or train station.

The restaurant menu thing made me laugh. The man would order steak then order the woman a salad.

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:16

My iPad has a cracked screen. 🤬

I’m to pick HIMSELF up from the airport ...

icannotremember · 28/03/2019 10:17

those restaurants where the staff give the men menus with prices and the women menus without
Restaurants like this exist outside of novels? Really? Crikey. What do they do if there are two women dining together?

Amongstthetallgrass · 28/03/2019 10:19

Thinking about it from all this, its probably true that dating behaviour has changed a lot in 20 years and this would explain a lot of the responses on here

^^ this.

My cousin is on the dating scene at the moment (41) after a 25 relationship breakdown, she uses OLD and feels that most men use it are just looking for the next bunk up and nothing more. It must dehumanise actually people when you scroll past hundreds on faces of people on the sites.

I’d actually hate to be single in this age and if Dh and I ever split up I’d stay single because women are just fair game now.

I would t be getting any taxi close to his home as I’m sure an offer for coffees at his house would be brought..

calpop · 28/03/2019 10:20

I don't get the "send her a cab" thing. It makes her sound like an escort. I'd hate to be patronised like that. It's an explicit male superiority thing as well. Was her husband very dominant/controlling/macho? Given that didnt work out you might advise her to be more open to other types of men.

Original poster

Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 10:21

Ok well if I’m considered strange in this forum then I have to accept that. Maybe I am a bit unusual. But then so are lots of people.

My friend from the school who I’ve know for many years has recently told me they have arranged the marriage of her daughter to some man from UAE and now her daughter who is 24 is off to live with him after the wedding in Dubai. And the daughter I have known since she was about 12 and she has an MBA; good job etc. She has never been in a date. Never even went in the common room at uni. I can’t get my head around that if I’m absolutely honest, but I guess what I’m saying is, there is not just one lens for “dating”.

OP posts:

Kennehora · 28/03/2019 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 10:30

No has ever been branded a stalker for waiting for their partner.

Not ever.

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 10:31

But this was ONE DATE.

FIRST DATE.

This man is not by any stretch of the imagination a PARTNER.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 28/03/2019 10:34

Jesus fucking Christ that poor girl. I hope she has an escape.

sailorsdelight · 28/03/2019 10:34

Jesus wept! I’ve ended dates by going home on a night bus but then I am a grown woman! His Uber would have been going to his address etc. So no I don’t think it was an issue. Your friend sounds like hard work.

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 10:36

Also, as I think I said, he wouid come and pick me up for a date - from my flat, shock horror! That would be seen as dangerous now, most probably, but in those days nobody saw it as unusual in the least.

Was he a blind date? And you gave him your address before you even knew him at all?

20 years or not, that's ridiculous

sailorsdelight · 28/03/2019 10:38

Someone asked who pays for the cab home in a gay relationship?? We pay for our own! Or if sharing back to someone’s place i’d Offer or they might or maybe we’d share as in ‘oh here I’ve a fiver on me take that’ - basically there isn’t this fucking WEIRD outdated power dynamic where one person - the. Man- is expected to pay for everything!!

itssoooofluffy · 28/03/2019 10:38

OP, just wanted to say, I am impressed that although MN clearly hasn’t altered your opinion on what is right, you still seem to have taken the advice on board and you have been far more polite to posters than some of them have been to you!

Your expectations may be normal for your age and culture, but what you are asking (paying for cabs/sending cabs/knowing home address) can also be red flags as it signifies controlling/creepy behaviour to some.

Glad your friend is going on the second date, please let us know how it goes!

KatharinaRosalie · 28/03/2019 10:39

Arranged marriages would also be considered unusual.

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 10:39

Why would you be friends with someone who married their daughter off and arranged it when she was 12?

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 10:40

Sorry misread

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 10:45

Ok she wasnt married off at 12 but still dint get why you think that whole set up is ok

Flip

1 2 ··· 31 32 33 ··· 39 40