He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

She did know how to get home though - obviously It’s just nice to have the offer. I can relate to how she felt.

I don’t know this man and I wasn’t even there there. The thread is crazy

Thinking about it from all this, its probably true that dating behaviour has changed a lot in 20 years and this would explain a lot of the responses on here.

For instance, when I met DH I had a contract job where I used to finish very late at night and he used to wait for me at the stage door because it was a dark alleyway. These days he wouid probably be branded a stalker.

Also, as I think I said, he wouid come and pick me up for a date - from my flat, shock horror! That would be seen as dangerous now, most probably, but in those days nobody saw it as unusual in the least.

Maybe it’s an age thing

It's not an age thing. I suspect lots of your peers thought you were a bit bloody precious when you were in your 20s.

Unlike most people on this thread, I do know some women (in their early 30s) who have expectations like you. They're all from a very particularly social demographic (read: sloaney as fuck) and the other thing they have in common is that their boyfriends, chosen because they 'treat them like a princess' always turn out to be sexist twats who go on about being gentlemen but think nothing of a lads' night out to a strip club, etc - because 'women are ladies and men are gentlemen' turns quite easily into 'boys will be boys'!

It’s not about right or wrong. People will meet and date in whatever way they think is appropriate.

If I told you there are family members on DH’s side who have had “arranged” marriages (both here and in the US), people in here would probably be up in arms. But this happens and these people are far from inept or backward - they are doctors, lawyers and allsorts. I have other friends who feel they can only date a certain type of person in a certain way. There’s all kinds of permutations if dating. People have different ideas.

OP we have this thing in London that you and your friend might like to explore. They're called trains? We even have a special kind that go under the ground called... the Underground? you think the Tube is for poors don't you

You also seem to be confusing what might be more normal for a husband or serious long term partner with what you might expect from someone you just started seeing. It was a first date! Can you not see that if your DH had been lurking outside the stage door for you on your first date, that would have been creepy as fuck and not 'cute' or 'gentlemanly' or whatever construction you put on it?

This is not about age or when you last dated (I haven't 'dated' for the thick end of two decades), it's about you and your friend being bonkers insane and too good for public transport.

If he knew her cab was minutes away, he should have waited with her even if that meant the meter was left running for a while. I would do this for a friend and I am a woman, never mind doing it for a date. It’s just common courtesy really.

I am really curious to know whether you and your friend ever take public transport?

It sounds like not which is incredibly unusual if you live in central London, e.g. Chelsea.

I would also hazard a guess that your friend doesn't work (as I know literally no one who works in London and doesn't use public transport) and is very used to being taken care of by her ex. Some men are into that but lots are not and it doesn't make them uncaring or bad men, just men who are looking for someone more independent.

If he knew her cab was minutes away, he should have waited with her even if that meant the meter was left running for a while.

It's an Uber. It doesn't have a meter, and you can't do that, especially on the Charing Cross Road where cars can't wait.

She's a grown woman! Was there any immediate threat?! If not then I think she's being a bit of a princess. I'd be mildly irritated if a date insisted on getting me a cab first and feel a bit patronised and like he was being pretty sexist and old fashioned - I'd not say anything, but unless there was imminent danger I'd think he was a bit ridiculous! I find it bizarre than she expected him to call her a cab in the first place!

Sending a cab is not a thing. It really really isn't.

Shes going to be very disappointed with every man she meets if this is her expectation, as it is never going to happen!

Yes I do use the tube sometimes. I think I got out if the habit of it to be honest, when the kids were young, because you can’t get buggies down the steps easily. It is easier to get Uber’s though, especially nowadays if the kids are with me - eg. It’s only £7 or so to get into town for us all. It wouid cost that by tube anyway, more than that for parking. If I think the traffic is bad I’ll get the tube though.

My goodness! I've just read the comments and seen that 1) you two think he's unreasonable for inviting her to where he lives because it's not where she lives, 2) you two think he should PROVIDE HER A CAB TO GET THERE (???!!!!!!) And 3) you two think it's normal for men to pay for their dates cab fare home? This is all crazy! I think she's wanting to date someone in 1950... If she's expecting this kind of insane sexist bizarre and pretty controlling behaviour she is probably going to have a bad dating experience with whoever she goes out with!... Sorry OP and OPs friend, just being honest! All these expectations are pretty unreasonable and also a lot of women would be quite insulted by a man who behaved like this - does she expect him to order for her in a restaurant and pay all the bill as well? This is really outdated behaviours (thank God! Because women aren't viewed as weak and useless anymore by most men!)

(sorry，I don't mean to come across as harsh - just read those back and they seem a bit angry! I'm just surprised ! )

So after all that, you said she wouldn't have accepted his offer of a cab anyway?

She obviously comes from or has money if she's living in Chelsea, especially if she has children because that means she's living in more than a one bed flat share. It also sounds like you and your friend take an awful lot of taxis everywhere. The impression I'm getting (and I may be wrong) is that your friend is probably used to the man paying for everything, which is why she and you feel this way.

It really isn't normal and as others have said, it's not an age thing either. You have a lot of people around your age and older telling you that. It may be purely because of where you're from and your lifestyles. I don't mean that as a bad thing however everyone I have met from Chelsea and that area really are a little bit in their own world.

I don't think it's fair the way this man's being judged. He's mentioned a place near him, he's hardly summoning her there. I do it all the time with friends, I live in SW London and most of mine live in NW London and we visit all the time, it's not difficult in London. It's also not being summoned.

Give the guy a break, stop judging him on things that you really shouldn't be judging him on and tell your friend to give the poor guy a chance and stop being hard work.

The reference to 'stage doors' now has me imagining OP and her friend as ballerinas, courted by minor aristocracy and whisked round the capitals of Europe in cabs full of red roses ...

I managed a pushchair and the tube/Overground/buses perfectly well when I was living in London. It’s not some niche skill set.

I am also 46 years old, but inhabiting, like the vast majority of people on the thread, the year 2019, in which women are not ickle helpless Pwincesses.

Boy, does your high-maintenance friend have a lot to learn about dating. Does she like those restaurants where the staff give the men menus with prices and the women menus without?

"Sending a car" is not a thing for normal people and never has been. This is clearly a "rich person" thread and that's why 95% of people on it can't understand it. OP, you and your friend aren't representative of the normal population , just face it and stop trying to persuade everyone else they're seeing it the wrong way

Does she like those restaurants where the staff give the men menus with prices and the women menus without

Wtf are you talking about? Give a woman a menu?? Surely it’s down to the man to choose her food

OP you said it's normal for a date to pay for the transport home. Is this a wind up? I'm confused. Who's "the date"? Do you mean they should have paid for each other's taxis home? Who made these rules and why do I feel like this is straight from The Handmaid's Tale? I can't even.....

I just hope he also walked on the outside of the pavement like a true gentleman to protect your friend from passing hamson cabs and costermongers.

I really have no gauge for how old you are OP but my mother is 69 and never behaved like this...

To be honest, there is nothing remarkable about any of this and I’ve never been called high-maintenance. I’m just a mum and my focus is the DC and DH. Hardly living the high life. We have quite a few DC and that’s that. I get together with friends sometimes and we’ll talk obviously, but nothing unusual about that either.