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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 07:48

How did she know him? Sorry if I’ve mossed that. Fore she went on the Date?

I would t get in or use a cab seat by a man on a first date. I’m 49 and I’ve dated off and on years ago and more recent,y post divorce.

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 07:48

*sent

*recently

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 07:49

My DD is 20. If I thought she was giving a stranger her address to get her a cab home I’d hand her her arse on a plate and think my safety chats hadn’t gone in.

Dairyqueen2 · 28/03/2019 07:53

Do you and your friend ever use public transport, OP?

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 07:53

She will get her own cab - as she does most days Confused.

We were just a bit iffy about this because past experience shows, for all of us without exception, that when men are in the habit of expecting you to come to them, it rarely ends well. That’s all there is to it. Call me old- fashioned, but I really do believe this actually.

This guy is nearly 50 and he’s no dimwit by the sound of it. He could have offered to send her a cab, out of politeness. She would have turned it down anyway, but it’s more about the gesture and the recognition that she’s going to him so early on (not his house obviously). That’s all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 07:53

Sorry I’m on school run

OP posts:
Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 07:56

Doing it your way, where the man sends the cab, is totally against all safety advice.

You’re being terribly unwise if you do that. Get into a cab sent by a bloke you hardly,know.

Hanumantelpiece · 28/03/2019 07:57

I've only read the first two pages as I'm struggling to understand the issue.
In an ideal world, where a taxi is hailed, yes, it may have been chivalrous to have hailed a taxi for the friend first. But that wasn't the situation, and my understanding of Uber is that it doesn't work like that.
As for getting to Hampstead, there is a tube station there, and bus links from nearby stations in North London. It's easy.
When DH and I were first dating, I would travel to him. He didn't live in London and didn't drive. I had to get an Overground train and then walk! Shock. Horror.
When he came to mine he had to use the underground and a bus connection.
Somehow we got over the trauma of each being responsible for our own transport arrangements.

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 28/03/2019 07:57

that when men are in the habit of expecting you to come to them, it rarely ends well

He recommended somewhere near where he lives that he thinks she'll like for godsake.

It wasn't a summons, she's capable of saying 'actually, that sounds nice but it's going to be tough for me to get there, can we meet here instead?'

Honestly do you always read so much into everything?

I'm with PP, the only red flags in these situations are you and your friend. You both sound very entitled.

ShatnersWigIsActuallyAMammoth · 28/03/2019 07:58

I do love a totally mad thread from a first time poster.

Call you old fashioned, OP? Nah, just stark raving bloody bizarre.

Amongstthetallgrass · 28/03/2019 07:58

My girl friends and I don’t even leave each other when on a night out. It just isn’t safe.

Our city is full of arseholes wandering around drugged out of their head, men and women. I’ve always drummed in to my eldest dd not to get caught out by having to wait for a taxi alone.

IME the taxi queue in a city at night is a dangerous place to wait.

When you push equality in front of safety your entirely missing the point.

Did your friend even know he had booked an taxi? The fact he expects her to get a taxi over to him is a turn off too.

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 28/03/2019 08:04

My girl friends and I don’t even leave each other when on a night out. It just isn’t safe

So what do you do? Just stand on the pavement everyone refusing to go home first?

Or do you get a taxi back together? (Which would also be unsafe on a first date).

oldmum22 · 28/03/2019 08:06

I am very ancient , but in my experience you make your own arrangements to get home on a first date. You would also make sure your friends knew where you were and if necessary ,called you with a pre arranged code to confirm all ok . I wouldn't give my details to a first date . As for going up to Hampstead from Chelsea, Piccadilly line from South Ken to Kings Cross then Northern Line (Edgware ) get off Belsize Park or Hampstead-reverse on way home . Poor bloke he cant do right for doing wrong .

Hont1986 · 28/03/2019 08:06

Your friend doesn't sound ready to date yet, OP.

peoplepleaser1 · 28/03/2019 08:07

It makes perfect sense that as the man is arranging the date in an area that he is familiar with. This way he can pick a bar or restaurant that he knows well enough to think his date will like.

It also means he can chat about the local scene, maybe initiate a pleasant walk to see the sights, suggest somewhere to go for drinks after the meal etc etc..

He would undoubtedly not expect his date to have any issue with travelling to Hampstead. It's hardly difficult! If I was him I would be put off dating someone who saw this as an issue.

OP you are not doing your friend any favours here. Of course it is right to be mindful of red flags, but you are going way OTT.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 28/03/2019 08:08

Amongst not sure what city you're in, but truly Charing Cross Road is not a problem. It is a very busy nd extremely central area with tourists, people coming out of shows etc at practically all hours. Unless this was in the small hours of the morning there was no safety issue.

RestingBitchFaced · 28/03/2019 08:10

Also, he knows she has no car, so why expect her to travel to north London when he could organise something more centrally or go her way?

So why doesn't she suggest meeting somewhere else then? She doesn't have to go with the first suggestion

oldmum22 · 28/03/2019 08:15

Just a thought , maybe you could chaperone on the date ?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2019 08:19

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home.

The only person who ever did this with me was a Canadian. It felt very weird, sort of like he was paying me. I refused.

I did marry him though.

marcopront · 28/03/2019 08:20

Who picked where they met for the first date?

Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 08:20

IME the taxi queue in a city at night is a dangerous place to wait.

It wasnt a taxi queue.

He could have offered to send her a cab, out of politeness. She would have turned it down anyway, but it’s more about the gesture and the recognition that she’s going to him so early on (not his house obviously). That’s all.
No one offers to send a taxi. If getting there is really that difficult for her, she could say that. The reason she didn't is because she knows its ridiculous.

I really dont get people who say 'I would have turned it down but the offer would have been nice'.

Get a grip.

TinyTear · 28/03/2019 08:22

Hope it's not Cafe Hampstead as they don't pay their suppliers or the staff...

Other than that, lots of great places

jay55 · 28/03/2019 08:23

She should have known how she was getting home, that is basic safety on a first date.

She isn't a toddler and doesn't need a man to sort it for her, especially one she has just met.

She was in an area with trains, tubes, buses and taxis in abundance, she didn't need to just stand there:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 28/03/2019 08:38

Jesus Christ I feel like this bloke needs to be warned about what bar shit crazy has entered his life.

PoorBlokeFromHampstead · 28/03/2019 08:48

Jalila07

Please tell your "friend" the date is off. I can't be arsed any more.

Yours,
PoorBlokeFromHampsteadButWhoHasSomeSelfRespectAndDoesntThinkWomenShouldStillActAsIfItIs1850