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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
SwoopTheJackpot · 28/03/2019 00:09

You, her and her friends are his gigantic red flag. It's waving him in the face. He should move country and save himself. Grin

TheTeenageYears · 28/03/2019 00:36

I think making your own way to and from a date is perfectly reasonable which is basically what this situation is - who pays while on the date is a slightly different argument. The mechanics of taxi apps like Uber mean it’s not possible to book 2 cars on one account at the same time. Presumably there was some discussion of getting home rather than him just ordering his Uber without your friend knowing.

Re a second date and her schlepping to Hampstead - all rather depends on what’s been proposed but as far as him sending a cab to pick her up is concerned, i’m really not sure that’s a realistic expectation on a second date in 2019.

SapphireSeptember · 28/03/2019 00:42

I'd say Charing Cross Road is pretty safe even at night. I stayed in a different part of London last year and was walking back to my hotel from the nearest Tube station at roughly 10:30 pm on my own. There are some parts of London where I wouldn't do this, but this was near to Waterloo and I felt perfectly safe.

PregnantSea · 28/03/2019 01:26

It's an uber. You can't order one for someone else as well, it doesn't work that way.

Unless your friend has some sort of SN which means she isn't able to get herself home then I really don't see the issue. She sounds like bloody hard work to me.

FrancisCrawford · 28/03/2019 01:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SubisYodrethwhenLarping · 28/03/2019 01:44

🐪

kamelo · 28/03/2019 02:25

I've not lol'd this much in ages, I guess this thread is a relief from Brexit after all.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 28/03/2019 02:39

This isn't the 50s.your friend is a grown woman and can order her own uber at the same time and wait for it solo.

I'd don't think the guy has done anything wrong but I hop he doesn't commit to her long term. I'd hate to have to put up with her moaning to friends like you over the smallest non-issue.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 28/03/2019 05:59

I asked my dp what he wohkd have done (seems to be the done thing on this thread Wink)
This is how the conversation went:
Me: this bloke on Mn got in his uber first on a first date and left his date waiting on her own for her cab, would you have done that?
Dp: mmm what was the weather like?
Me: I have no idea, why?
Dp: becuase if it was raining, fair enough.
Me: 🤦‍♀️

So yeah I am clearly with Mr Romantic haha!

I'm all seriousness though, I wouldn't accept an uber from a first date as I wouldn't want him to know my address and I wouldn't care if his uber turned up before my cab, she had to wait, what, 3 minutes in her own? Not seeing any red flags here...

claraschu · 28/03/2019 06:11

Both of these people should walk or take the bus.

The environmental catastrophe we are creating will make Brexit look like a tiny and unmemorable blip on the history of the planet.

BookCzar · 28/03/2019 06:29

TBH if a man hailed my cab for me and paid for it in advance, or sent a cab for me to get to Hampstead from Chelsea, I'd see it as a massive red flag for someone who was extremely controlling.

This. I would find it concerning if he actually did order me a taxi.

Failbydefault · 28/03/2019 06:39

Aside from all the nonsense about her not being able to sort her own transport out, if this is only her second date with some guy off the internet, I wouldn’t advise going to his house for lunch and would recommend your friend suggests another more neutral location. Especially if he appears insistent that she goes to his. Just because he has suggested Hampstead doesn’t mean she has to say yes. But wherever they agree to meet for their 2nd date, she should be able to sort out her own means of getting there and back.

BookCzar · 28/03/2019 06:47

we would all have been livid

OP, I can't take a single word you say seriously after this. What a perplexing lot you and your friends are!

Proudirishnotpaddy · 28/03/2019 06:54

Is it not basic safety not to get in a cab with a stranger? Not to give a stranger your address?

Especially on a first date. I’d expect to get to and from under my own steam - for safety purposes in case it didn’t work out and they got stalkery.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 07:04

Hi morning omg - no she’s not going for lunch at his house! She’s not mental.

He asked her up to a certain place in Hampstead yesterday that he says he recommends. He also called her yesterday but she didn’t pick up as she wasn’t sure about the whole thing.

It’s difficult dating when you were married for a long time and have kids. I’m sure you can appreciate that. She doesn’t want to be taken for a fool. She has her DC to think about.

And no, she was not a “trophy wife.” Confused what a thing to say. I find that the most sexist thing on here actually. Her ex is a similar age to her and she’d known him since their mid- 20s. He didn’t run off with anyone. The split was complicated, but they’re on good terms now.

I can’t believe the reaction to this thread. To be honest though, when all is said and done, I still do think most women would be Confused if, at the end of a perfectly pleasant evening, the man just got in a cab and went. It IS unusual.

However, she IS prepared to let this one go as he does seem to be making an effort otherwise. So all good and I hope he doesn’t mess her about. She’s not high maintenance, she’s lovely and she’s gorgeous too, but you do need to be careful.

OP posts:
Jessgalinda · 28/03/2019 07:14

It’s difficult dating when you were married for a long time and have kids. I’m sure you can appreciate that. She doesn’t want to be taken for a fool. She has her DC to think about.

Yeah you are right. Not like I was married at twenty and split with ex in my mids thirties and dated and now with DP and have kids

Oh wait.....yep I did. Getting in an under first is no indication he is an issue for the kids

To be honest though, when all is said and done, I still do think most women would beConfused if, at the end of a perfectly pleasant evening, the man just got in a cab and went. It IS unusual.

No they wouldn't. And it's not a cab. It's an uber! You cant just wait for it.

StealthPolarBear · 28/03/2019 07:19

Let's leave it as we can't see eye to eye op. I'd be furious if a man treated me as anything other than a competent adult. Others, like you, prefer to be babied a bit and find that in some way appealing. I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye.

Amongstthetallgrass · 28/03/2019 07:20

I wouldn’t go.

myrtleWilson · 28/03/2019 07:22

OP do you actually understand the meaning of "most"? The way you've used it throughout your thread suggests not

ooooohbetty · 28/03/2019 07:24

It wouldn't bother me if he'd got in a taxi first when his taxi arrived first. However I wouldn't go out with him again purely because he uses Uber.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 07:30

myrtle - well I can only speak from my own experience. As can any of us. But yes, I’m talking about “most” people I know / have known in various countries and at various times. I would even change “most” for “vast majority.” I realise younger people are different and it’s all Tinder and everything is more casual generally, but that’s not where I’m coming from, not are my friends because we have no experience if that.

Among - I’m not sure I’d go either to be honest, but you start to doubt yourself after a telling off on MN!

OP posts:
Viviene · 28/03/2019 07:31

@ooooohbetty haha I came on here to wrote exactly that - I wouldn't go out with him again purely because he uses Uber!

Bit I would also expect him to wait until I got in my taxi ok regardless of tome of the day area etc.

For me that's basic good manners. And I am a grown up woman, independent etc. etc.

Vulpine · 28/03/2019 07:33

It was the taxi to hampstead that got me the most. London has great public transport.

vincettenoir · 28/03/2019 07:42

Don’t see a problem with this tbh. And if she does decide to go to Hampstead next week I don’t understand why she would expect him to call a cab for her. Why wouldn’t she just get the tube? Or her own cab?

StealthPolarBear · 28/03/2019 07:45

The last time I dated smart phones didn't exist. So it's not a question of age or dating experience