He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

Cheers @skinnypete

INTJ sums up half of mumsnet then😁

This thread is crackers

If an adult isn’t capable of ordering and getting in their own cab they shouldn’t be going out alone. She is an adult for goodnes sake, not a child.

my nighties really enjoyed the dates too

"we would all have been livid."

Who is this "we all" who's so overinvested in this?

" As PPs have said, if it was a black cab and he’d got in it first, we would all have been livid. But this is not the case which is why she’ll see him again and"
No we would not all have been livid.

I'll admit to being over invested
A vest and a nightie

It depends if she wants someone who cares about things like that, dh would never dream of doing something like that because that’s what he’s like, he’s a gentleman and he opens doors, pulls out chairs, carries things for me.

If she’s not into all that then I’d say don’t worry about it and crack on. If she is then I would say don’t bother seeing him again.

Blimey, this thread turned from funny to nasty.

I think it's fine as long as he asked her if she got home ok

I’m in my forties and no man has ever paid for my cab home. It would be such an odd thing to do.

I don't know where you live, but it's about as safe as Princes Street in Edinburgh

I would say Charing Cross Road is even safer than Princes Street. It is busier and in the evening there will be far more places open.

How did she get to the meeting place? Did she have a man (Dad? Brother?) order an Uber and not leave until the car left?

Well, I find way funnier the notion that he’s supposed to dispatch her a taxi to transport her from darkest Chelsea to polar Hampstead for their next date, otherwise she will have to get out her crampons, map and compass.

My theory is that either (1) the friend is a high-maintenance, multi-handbagged former trophy wife venturing out again on the marriage market, and thus has not encountered such norms of London life as public transport or waiting for a cab on the Charing Cross Road or (b) this is a scenario from one of those aspirant chicklit novels where upmarket friends get together and discuss their dates and snort wine down their noses.

She shouldn't see him again because he can almost certainly do better.

If a man insisted on calling me a cab, waiting for me like I was a child and then paying for the cab on our first date, I'd be offended that he thought I was incapable of doing it myself and concerned that he might be too controlling later on if he cant even let me call a taxi myself.

the consequences for a woman of a street attack (while rare, I know) are life changing

And for any man who finds himself victim to a random attack, what, its just a bit of an inconvenience, just one of those things ?

As someone who had the shit kicked out of me as I walked home one night for no other reason then for the entertainment of some pissed thugs I had never seen before I can tell you it is pretty fucking life changing when you are being told you might not regain vision in your left eye after having your head booted like a football.

What an astonishingly stupid thing to say.

Just to defend the OP slightly. There is a type of man that will organise and or pay for your transport. Its a mix between being gentlemanly and or old fashioned and or just being rich enough to not really care about the cost. It's the kind of man in movies that "sends a car". If the friend is dating in Chelsea it is kind of reasonable (especially if the last time she dated was a while ago) that she'd expect this if it was what happened when she last dated, depending on the kind of people she dated.

To be honest a man who did this would probably raise red flags with me but I have experienced it. I've also experienced many men who would not get in a taxi till they knew I was in one, male friends as well as dates. It doesn't diminish my ability to be a fully functional woman, it's just polite, in my opinion. I kind of like the old fashioned-ness of it. And I'm saying this as someone who is permanently single and doesn't need a man for anything.

He left her on the street not drowning in a lake. Your friends need to get a grip or let this man go and find someone who doesn't need to play the role of the helpless abandoned female.

And for any man who finds himself victim to a random attack, what, its just a bit of an inconvenience, just one of those things ?

Don't put words into my mouth. I said that statistically attacks on women are likely to be of a more serious nature. That's true. So how it can be a stupid thing to say, I'm not sure.

She is a grown woman and fully capable of calling her own taxi surely. I wouldn't even have given this a second thought.

I might sorry but this is something I’ve had to look at for work reasons.

Women are more vulnerable to sexual assault. Men are currently more vulnerable to homicides. 2 years ago 71% of homocide victims in the U.K. were male and of that 22% were committed by strangers. Women victims are more likely to be attacked by a partner or ex.

I think women are more aware of being a target due to sexual harassment being something the vast majority of us have dealt with/live with. I don’t think majority of men put measures in place on an evening out to try and be safe.

My point is women are aware of the threat more but the male stats aren’t always the lesser figure.

Either way OP is being unreasonable as it’s Uber and has probably only just downloaded the Uber app for this thread to answer back as they clearly had no idea how it worked at the beginning of the thread...

Nobody has a fucking car in London. we all hoof it... car owners in London are just wankers adding to congestion.

Uber ?? Would never date a man that used that company. No 2nd date for me.

I seem to be in the minority Op, but FWIW I agree with you & @KC225 - common courtesy to check that she is ok getting home (not ordering her taxi or paying for it but just asking the question & seeming like he's interested).

I never go out with friends (male or female) without checking at the end of the night that everyone is ok getting home and my friends do the same with me.

For me, I wouldn't see him again.

I absolutely know that this goes against the grain, and I do understand UBER - however I wouldn't be that impressed with a bloke who swanned off home leaving his date - of course she's capable of ordering her own taxi - it's the principle of it - not enough respect to 'stay with her until she's safely home'

@oldowlgirl - she was okay getting home. She had an Uber booked and they're rarely over 5 mins especially in central London. He also sent her a text to make sure she was okay.